How to Look Gothic Without Your Parents Getting Upset

Co-authored by Jordan Stolch

Last Updated: March 14, 2023 Approved

Over the years, gothic style has developed a bad reputation with parents. As a result, many parents react very negatively when their children adopt it. Thankfully, there are ways to look gothic without totally scaring your parents. By easing into the style and not going overboard with it, you’ll be able to look gothic without alienating your parents.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Dressing Goth

1
Transform yourself at a slow pace. The biggest single way to upset your parents is to transform yourself into a goth overnight. To avoid this, embrace a systematic plan to look goth over an extended period. Incorporate clothes that identify you as goth one piece at a time and over many months.
- Create a six-month plan.
- Start with one item.
- Change or start using makeup slowly.
2
Incorporate some bright colors into your fashion. By incorporating some bright colors, you’ll send the signal that although you are goth, you’re not going overboard. Ultimately, you can still look goth without wearing all black. Bright colored clothes will not only sooth your parents, but will add real flare to your style. Consider:
- Neon colors.
- Traditional reds, oranges, blues, greens, and purples.
- Colors that fit the season.
3
Dress somewhat conservatively. While the color scheme of your goth style might frighten your parents, you can temper this by embracing a somewhat conservative approach. In addition, avoid showing too much skin or wearing clothes that are torn.
- Young women can wear long black skirts and blouses.
- Young men can wear black jeans and black button down shirts.
4
Be creative with fabrics and styles. Try to be more creative than just dressing in black cotton clothes. Consider different fabrics and other styles that can add a gothic flare to any wardrobe. Consider wearing:
- Velvet
- Lace
- Chiffon
- Satin
- Nylon
- Silk
- Victorian era clothes
- 1980s/Steampunk style clothes
5
Wear standard black shoes. If you want to wear black shoes, find some that are relatively standard. Avoid going over board and finding the craziest goth-style shoes you can. Ultimately, your parents won't be happy to pay for expensive shoes that they think make you look weird. Focus on:
- Black tennis shoes
- Modest black boots
- Relatively low black heels
- If you want to cover your legs, wear black sheer tights as they won’t emphasise the change. Then you could move onto stockings or striped socks.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Accessorizing

1
Focus on gothic accessories. Gothic-themed accessories can help you transform your existing wardrobe into a one with a gothic flare. By accessorizing goth, you’ll make a personal and fashion statement without signaling a fundamental change in your appearance to your parents. Wear:
- A black jacket
- Dark scarves
- Jewelry like snake bone hairpins, a spider ring, or a bat bracelet
- Belts
- Black tights, leggings, gloves, or glovelets.^{[1]
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2
Use traditional makeup. Apply makeup in a traditional approach. Avoid using too much makeup to darken your eyes. In addition, consider makeup that will emphasize your skin tone rather than mute it. Ultimately, bright and lively makeup can soften any unease your parents have toward your goth appearance.
- Use blush to accentuate your natural color.
- Apply a moderate amount of eye liner.
3
Avoid dyeing your hair black right away. Although one of the hallmarks of the goth style is dark black hair, you should put off dyeing your hair black right away. Instead, you could choose another fun color or gothic-style hairdo.
- Think about dying your hair a non-traditional color, like silver.
- Keep your natural hair color but get purple, silver, or blue highlights.
- If you do choose to dye your hair, temper it by wearing bright colors. In addition, you should also consider dying your hair a few months into your transformation into a goth. Let your parents get used to other aspects of your goth style first.
4
Avoid tattoos or piercings. Many people who embrace the gothic style get tattoos and piercing to help them express their style. Depending on your age and where you live, you may be able to get tattoos or piercings without your parents’ permission. However, doing this will likely upset your parents. As a result, put these off until you move out of your parents’ home.^{[2]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Behaving Well

1
Be true to yourself. Just because you're goth, doesn't mean you have to change your personality. Ultimately, the goth style is a reflection of your individuality, rather than a standard you need to conform to. In the end, your parents will be much more happy if you act like yourself, even if you do look different.
2
Get good grades. Go out of your way to get top grades. By acing your classes, you’ll send the signal to your parents that your appearance has nothing to do with your performance in school. In the end, you may find that your parents are proud of you despite any disapproval they have toward your gothic lifestyle.^{[3]
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- If your parents articulate displeasure with your gothic appearance, promise them you’ll get good grades and behave well.
3
Avoid friends who get into trouble. The single easiest way to scare your parents about your new fashion sense is to start hanging out with people who get into trouble at school or with the law. This is important, as your parents will associate your style with the bad behavior of your friends. Instead, look for friends who share your style and are model students and members of the community.^{[4]
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- Stay away from friends who get arrested or suspended from school.
- Stay away from friends who curse in front of your parents, are rude to adults and others, or are prone to violence.
- Avoid people who use drugs.
4
Show respect to your parents. While the way you look might alienate your parents, the way you talk and how you accept their guidance may be even more important. By respecting them as your elders, guardians, and providers, you’ll likely gain some goodwill and maybe even leniency toward the way you dress.^{[5]
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- Don’t vocally reject your parents religion, dress, style, or any other major aspect of how they identify.
- Avoid challenging your parents’ positions on things like your curfew.
- Never curse at or insult your parents.
- It may be tempting to attack your parents style if you think they are attacking yours, however, this will be counterproductive. Instead, defend your style while accepting theirs.

Community Q&A

Question

My mother does all of my shopping for me, and only goes to certain stores. How can I convince her to let me dress my own way?

Community Answer

Tell her you need to express yourself. Request an item here and there. Over time, you can build a wardrobe that reflects your identity.
Question

What if you are too young for fishnets and corsets but still want to look goth?

Community Answer

Wear whatever is appropriate for your age. Accessorize with skull earrings, ask your parents if you can get purple highlights in your hair, and see if you can get some black boots.