How to Respond When You Are Diagnosed with Cancer

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: May 25, 2021 References

Being diagnosed with cancer is overwhelming for most people. Many people feel lost and don’t know what to do next. With improving medical treatments, the prospects for remission and recovery are better than ever. With a positive outlook, the right knowledge and some support, you can handle this trying experience as best as possible.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Collecting Your Thoughts

1
Deal with your emotions. A cancer diagnosis is a jarring experience that can elicit a wide range of emotions such as fear, anger and depression.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
American Cancer Society
Nonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and support
Go to source} It is best to get into the right state of mind before making treatment plans or telling friends and family.
- You may be tempted to ignore and sublimate your feelings, either to soften the news for your friends and family or out fear of the future. It’s best to allow yourself to experience your emotions, even if they are unpleasant.
- Allow yourself to feel the full range of your emotions, such as any grief, denial, anger, depression, and bargaining. These feelings may come and go in no particular order or at unexpected times. Try to be forgiving with yourself.
- Don’t make any major decisions while you're feeling emotional stress. This can lead you to make decisions you could regret later on.^{[2]
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  Association for Psychological Science
  Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences
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2
Practice mindfulness to ease your stress. Focus on the day to day movement of your life and try to be grateful for your many blessing despite your diagnosis. Meditating, spending time with a close friend, and being aware of your feelings are all great ways to stay in touch with your emotions during this difficult time.
3
Confront your fears. Address any irrational beliefs by challenging them and following them to their logical conclusion. For example, if you’re fearful that no one will care for your children while you’re ill, remind yourself of all the wonderful friends and neighbors you have who have offered to lend a helping hand. Work on recognizing dangerous thoughts, and reframe them with reality whenever possible.
- Remember that not all cancer is terminal or life-threatening. Many organizations, such as the Overcoming the Fear of Death Foundation, have resources that can help you confront your fears in a constructive way.^{[3]
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- Getting in touch with your spiritual side can help you feel grounded if you are a religious person. Research shows that people with strong religious or spiritual beliefs report better health after a cancer diagnosis.^{[4]
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  American Cancer Society
  Nonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and support
  Go to source}
4
Find someone you can talk to. Friends and family can be crucial in times of stress. Being with someone you feel comfortable with can lessen the burden of extreme emotions.^{[5]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- If you know specific people in your life may react in a way that places more stress on you, avoid them until you’re ready to deal with it.
- Find a buddy or someone who will be your advocate throughout this difficult journey. A spouse or partner is a perfect choice, but a family member or close friend can also support you. This person can also serve as a confidant to prevent emotional decision-making when faced with tough choices.
- You shouldn’t feel like you have to put on a brave face for anyone. Don’t worry about anyone else’s emotions until you feel comfortable with your own.
- Many people who are diagnosed with cancer seek professional counseling.^{[6]
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5
Take some time to comfort yourself. You will need to do a lot of planning and thinking in the coming days. But you should absolutely take some time to relax and get into a positive state of mind.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Take a short vacation somewhere that relaxes you.
- Enjoy your favorite hobby until your mind is at ease.
- A positive state of mind is scientifically proven to improve your body’s natural defenses against diseases like cancer.^{[8]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Cancer Society
  Nonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and support
  Go to source}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Gathering Information

1
Ask your doctor questions. Your doctor is your first and best resource for information because they have first-hand familiarity with your lab tests. Beyond determining the basic name, size, location and rate of growth information about the tumor, you should try to think of as many questions as possible to get a thorough understanding of your condition.
- Ask about lifestyle issues like hair loss, your diet and the amount of physical activity you can engage in.
- There are no stupid questions when dealing with a matter this serious so don’t be afraid to ask anything that comes to mind.
- Ask your doctor for a copy of your pathology report and then seek a second opinion. Even the best doctors can vary in their opinion about the nature of an illness and how to go about treating it. This is particularly important with a cancer diagnosis both because the stakes are high and because different oncologists often see the same cancer in different ways.^{[9]
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2
Do your own research. There are often several treatment options available for a cancer diagnosis including radiation, chemotherapy and surgery. Even within these categories, there are many specific decisions that need to be made to develop a course of treatment that is right for you.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- The expenses, side-effects and chances of success can vary greatly so be sure to research your options thoroughly.
- If your cancer is particularly serious or rare, you may want to enter experimental drug trials to try the latest options in medical innovation.^{[11]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Cancer Society
  Nonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and support
  Go to source}
- Do your own research on up-to-date, reputable websites. The best information the medical world has to offer can often change so you’ll want to make note of how recently the research or advice was produced.
- Talk to someone with your type of cancer. Use the internet or a doctor’s referral to find others who have had your type of cancer. There is a lot about this experience you can only learn by going through.^{[12]
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  Consumer Reports
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to consumer advocacy and product testing
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3
Talk to your health insurance provider. The costs associated with cancer can be very expensive.^{[13]
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Research source} Once you’re in a stable emotional state and have informed the people closest to you, one of your first calls should be to your health insurance provider.
- This is urgent because it can often take some time to get approvals for procedures and you don’t want this to delay your treatment.^{[14]
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- Many health insurance providers have cancer care teams that will help you coordinate treatment between different doctors.
- The American Cancer Society can also provide you with assistance and information about what treatments your health insurance is required to cover.^{[15]
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  American Cancer Society
  Nonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and support
  Go to source}
4
Research charitable assistance. Cancer treatment can be incredibly expensive. Fortunately, charitable organizations can sometimes help.
- Many hospitals and doctor’s offices offer long-term payment options or cost reductions for people with income challenges.
- There are many non-profit organizations, funded by government grants and/or charitable donations, that provide grants to help deal with medical or personal costs associated with cancer.^{[16]
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- Many cancer patients have also experienced success in using sites like GoFundMe.com to solicit donations from the internet.^{[17]
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5
Address the practicalities of end-of-life care to relieve stress. Maintain hope as a powerful healing tool during your treatment. That said, sometimes dealing with practical matters related to the end of life, whether one is gravely ill or not, can relieve anxiety related to worst-case scenarios. Get advanced care directives lined-up, organize your nursing wishes, and outline any funeral directives.^{[18]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- It can relieve stress from both you and your loved ones to know these personal decisions have been addressed.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Living with Cancer

1
Manage your symptoms. Some forms of cancer will cause pain, loss of appetite and fatigue among many other physical symptoms. Have a plan for how you will deal with these symptoms ahead of time.
- Talk to your doctor about pain management options. In some states, your cancer may make you eligible for a medical marijuana license.^{[19]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Cancer Society
  Nonprofit devoted to promoting cancer research, education, and support
  Go to source}
- The goal during treatment is to be able to perform your daily activities with ease. Talk to your doctor about ways to manage symptoms so you can do what you need to do.
- Plan time to rest each day so you aren’t overcome by exhaustion. Use light physical activities like walking to build stamina and prevent atrophy.^{[20]
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  Cancer Research UK
  U.K.-based cancer research and advocacy charity
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2
Eat healthy foods. Most medical treatments for cancer rely on your body’s natural defenses to fight the spread of the disease and the side effects.^{[21]
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- Whole grains, lean protein, fruits and vegetables are great sources of natural energy to fight fatigue.^{[22]
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- Staying hydrated is essential to keeping. Your condition will likely cause your skin, eyes and mouth to feel dry.^{[23]
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- Prepare for difficult eating by stocking up on foods that are easy to digest like soup or fruit smoothies.^{[24]
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3
Build a support network. Few people can go through this experience alone. You may need to lean on others for a variety of tasks and to cope with stress.
- Bring a family member or friend to your doctors’ appointments. Having someone with you can help ensure you ask all the necessary questions and have emotional support to deal with any potential bad news.^{[25]
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- Think of several people you can call to talk about your emotions at any time. The stress and anxiety of your situation may feel manageable one minute and overwhelming the next so it’s nice to be able to make a quick call.
- If necessary, ask someone to take over daily responsibilities like running errands or cleaning around the house.
- Don’t let your pride get in the way of asking for help. If someone offers help you need, accept it.