How to Survive a Breakup over 40

Co-authored by Kate Dreyfus

Last Updated: January 11, 2023

Breakups at any age can be hard, but when you've been with someone for potentially decades, your new reality can be even more difficult to swallow. If you take a little time to adjust and put yourself first, it is possible to survive and flourish after the breakdown of a relationship, at any age. But for someone that's older everyone is under the impression things are much harder for them out there, but it's all mind over matter depends on one's positive or negative attitude and manner. You can also try massages are make a relaxing exercise.

Steps

1
Take some time to grieve and do not fight your feelings.^{[1]
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Research source} You have feelings that are very much alive, and they won't just go away if you distract yourself. They can and will show up in other situations and could possibly come out in an inappropriate way. The best thing to do initially is to just give yourself time to vent your feelings. It's much healthier than bottling them up.
- One of the best ways to do so is to get alone where others will not be able to hear you and simply speak your truth. Speak out loud and say what you think about your breakup, what it feels like, and what you are worried about. Speak about any and every aspect of your relationship that you want to. Cry, laugh, get angry, etc. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and you may find that you will need to do this more than once. There are no rules for grieving; just take the time to do so. You will find that your heart will heal faster, and you will be more inclined to move on faster than if you keep all of those feelings inside. Cannot stress how important this is. No one wants to take the time to feel the hurt or deal with negative emotions, but the sooner you do and the more you give yourself permission to go through the process, the better off you will be.
- Anytime something comes to an end there will be a level of loss involved. It is vital to your wellbeing and closure to make it a priority to process what happened. To express it in a healthy way and not suppress it.
2
Have faith in yourself. You've been on this planet for 40 years; that in itself should help bolster your self-respect and make people feel a certain respect for you. It's a given that even though right now it isn't obvious, you do have the inner resilience to survive your bad break up, you just need to look inside to find it. Trust yourself to be able to do that, because you know you can.

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3
Step back and take stock of your situation like an outsider looking in. It could help to follow your own good advice. If this isn't clear at this point, you need to assess your relationship for what it really was. To help you do this, focus on all the negative things that were obvious about your relationship like greed, jealousy, infidelity etc. You don't really need them in your life. You are worth more than that and you deserve better.
- Try to get in a routine, as it makes us feel safe, grounded, organized, and helps to feel like there is some level of order in our life after a breakup because we know what to expect each day.
4
Understand that relationships are not the most important thing in your world. Focus on your career; pursue your hobbies. Develop new interests and always be ready to meet new people and face new challenges. Make sure to also prioritize your self-care whenever possible!^{[2]
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- It is essential for you to reclaim every part of who you are and be intentional about who you want to become. This process is very empowering! Remember that you are the one who is defining who you are and who you want to be.
5
Become financially independent. If you're already earning your own way or financially independent, great! Moving on is easier. If you don't have a steady source of income, there is help out there, you just need to ask. Find the nearest local council or job center; these organisations are there to help guide you towards standing on your own feet.
6
Learn to be confident. If you've lost your confidence because of a bad/abusive relationship you need to try and focus on all the good things about you; for example : you are a caring individual, a good homemaker, have a great sense of humor, a loyal partner etc. Remember that there's something good about everyone, give your self a pep with some positive self talk. You're not so bad after all are you?
7
Give yourself a break and realize that you're only human. Everyone makes mistakes. You need to say to yourself, "If I do this, what's the worst that can happen?" Consider all the consequences you can think of, good and bad and is the worst thing really that bad? Some people have to live with a lot worse, for example ,cancer or the loss of a child or worse. Be brave and move forward, take the next step forward, onwards and upwards!
8
Make connections. If your circle of friends are all married or in relationships and don't really go out as singles anymore, find yourself a new circle of friends who do.
- If you're not really that confident about approaching people at social gatherings, create scenarios to meet people. Go ahead and get yourself a part time job in a bar, a general store or volunteer at your local animal welfare center or charity. You'll be forced to speak to unfamiliar customers as part of the job description; a fantastic way to build up rapport with colleagues or regular customers. This raises your confidence, too.
- Eventually you will meet new and exciting people (probably someone who will make your heart skip a beat, and make you forget your old flame). But don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't happen too quickly; it usually takes a while for people to get to know each other better, which is normal.
9
Make friends and spend more time with them. Remember "Misery loves company" and "A friend in need is a friend indeed."
10
Keep yourself busy with various activities you like such as reading, swimming, dancing, etc.
11
Go to a professional about your problem and then try some of the relaxing activities such as yoga and pilates.

Warnings

Don't let negative people get you down if they left you then they were not really meant for you. One should not have to beg anyone to stay around -they stay if they want to. If they don't then it's their loss.

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