I don't know her

In the late 1990s and early 2000s, media outlets considered Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez to be in a feud with each other.

American singer Mariah Carey signed a record deal with Sony Music in 1988.[1] Its president, Tommy Mottola, was far more personally involved in preparing her debut album Mariah Carey (1990) than with other artists.[2] The pair married in 1993 and separated in late 1996.[3] Mottola accompanied Selena (1997) actress Jennifer Lopez to the 1998 Grammy Awards and announced that she had signed a record deal shortly thereafter.[4] Those in the music industry described her forthcoming album as a Latin version of Carey's work.[5] Similar to the discord fomented by the media regarding her relationship with Whitney Houston, Carey's feelings toward Lopez became rife with rumors.[6] In an interview with Mirabella, Carey answered questions about a purported rivalry: "She's a dancer, isn't she? She lip-synched Selena's vocals, you know. I don't think that as a singer, we're in the same category as artists."[5]

In 2001, Carey left Sony and signed with Virgin Records in advance of releasing the soundtrack to the film Glitter.[7] Mottola remained connected to the movie through its production company Sony Pictures and Sony Music retained the album's distribution rights in Japan.[8] Amidst the recording process, Carey alleges that Sony officials heard the "Firecracker" (1978) sample she used in the song "Loverboy" and incorporated it in Lopez's track "I'm Real" on the album J.Lo (2001).[9] As the latter was released before Glitter, Carey re-recorded "Loverboy" to sound distinct from "I'm Real".[10] According to producer Irv Gotti,[lower-alpha 1] Mottola subsequently instructed him to create a remix of "I'm Real" with a feature by rapper Ja Rule akin to his appearance on "If We", a duet with Carey on Glitter. Sony denied that both versions of "I'm Real" used stolen compositions from Carey's songs.[11]

Following these events, Carey responded to Lopez's notions she gets eight hours of sleep per night in an interview with Vanessa Grigoriadis: "If I had the luxury of not actually having to sing my own songs, I'd do that too."[10][lower-alpha 2] She continued to distinguish herself from Lopez while promoting follow-up album Charmbracelet (2002). During an appearance on Larry King Live, Carey remarked "There are rivalries, but I don't think she has anything to do with me. I mean, my whole thing is singing, writing songs ... Her thing is something different".[13] Upon being asked by Vibe about Lopez replicating the hip-pop music Carey helped popularize, she stated: "I'm trying not to feel competitive and let that take over me, even if I feel like what someone's doing isn't especially noteworthy."[14] During an interview with New York City radio station WWPR, Carey said "I don't know her" in response to whether she has a feud with Lopez.[15]

Around 2003, Carey was interviewed by the German tabloid television program taff. Upon being asked about Beyoncé, Carey remarked that she loved her as an artist. After she was questioned about Lopez, Carey stated "I don't know her" while smiling and shaking her head. The interview was uploaded on YouTube in 2008.[16] Her "I don't know her" comment became popular as a GIF on LiveJournal in 2010[17] and spread to Twitter and Tumblr in the latter half of the decade.[18] By 2018, "I don't know her" emerged as one of the most popular internet memes and GIFs in history.[19] Abby Ohlheiser ranked it at number two on The Washington Post's 2019 list of the most important viral reactions on the internet since 2000.[17] According to journalist Marina Hyde, "I don't know her" is Carey's most famous quote.[20]

Carey continued using the phrase toward Lopez throughout its rise in popularity.[19] She reprised it during a 2005 MTV interview ("I don't even know her. We kind of just said hello once or twice"),[21] a 2009 radio discussion ("I don't know the woman"), a 2016 TMZ exchange ("I still don't know her"), and a 2018 Watch What Happens Live appearance ("I don't know her. What am I supposed to say?").[16] In her 2020 memoir The Meaning of Mariah Carey, she described Lopez as a "female entertainer on [Sony] (whom I don't know)".[22] Carey contends that the phrase is not an insult but rather an honest response because she does not know Lopez personally.[23] On her end, Lopez had not acknowledged "I don't know her" or the "I'm Real" controversy by 2004.[24] In 2014, she said that "I don't have a feud against [Carey] at all. I know from back in the day, I’ve read things that she's said about me that were not the greatest, but we have never met. Like, we don't know each other."[25]

Carey has used the phrase toward other singers such as Demi Lovato.[26] After the latter said she is rude to Lopez, Carey responded: "I don't know her either."[27] Others adopted "I don't know her" for their own use. Vanity Fair labelled mid-2016 "The Summer of Not Knowing" due to the proliferation of celebrities repeating it at the time.[17] Online stan accounts apply the phrase to defend their favorite artists against perceived rivals.[17] It is used among the queer community[28] and inspired "I don't know her"-themed club nights and clothing.[29] The phrase has been used in political contexts such as a meme about Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau[lower-alpha 3] and interpretations of US president Donald Trump's commentary.[31][lower-alpha 4]

Commentators vary on how to interpret the quote's usage and meaning. CNN's Lisa Respers France described "I don't know her" as an example of shade.[19] According to Mireille Lalancette and Tamara A. Small, it "is used when another person is so irrelevant you pretend to not know them when you clearly do".[34] Issy Sampson of The Guardian wrote about its appeal: "Claiming not to know someone means you don't sound bitchy – how could you be, you don't know them? – but it's a sly way of saying that someone's personality is unmemorable."[35] Vogue's Michelle Ruiz views it as a more effective version of the catfight.[36] In contrast, Kenzie Bryant of Vanity Fair said it can be misinterpreted as an insult when used as a simple "no thank you" response.[37] Likewise, Who? Weekly podcasters Lindsey Weber and Bobby Finger consider "I don't know her" a modern variation of no comment.[16] Likewise, musicologist Lily E. Hirsch believes Carey's statement is not an insult and argues that the phrase contributes to Carey's diva image because of sexism and racism.[38]