Pilot (Better Off Ted)

• Jay Harrington as Theodore Margaret "Ted" Crisp[1]
• Portia de Rossi as Veronica Palmer[1]
• Andrea Anders as Linda Katherine Zwordling[1]
• Jonathan Slavin as Dr. Philip "Phil" Myman[1]
• Malcolm Barrett as Dr. Lem Hewitt[1]
• Isabella Acres as Rose Crisp[1]

Ted Crisp works for the powerful company, Veridian Dynamics. He works on everything from mice that can withstand high temperatures to a weapon made from pumpkins. After successfully making pumpkins lethal, and creating an office chair that is so uncomfortable it makes people work harder, Veronica wants Ted to work on a new project, freezing Phil, one of Ted's scientists, cryogenically, just to see if it's possible. Phil at first not wanting to do it, talks it over with his wife, who is surprisingly enthusiastic about the idea. Meanwhile, at work Ted discovers that Linda is stealing creamer from the office as a way to "get back" at the company. Later at home, Ted's daughter, Rose talks to Ted who is having problems with the ethics of freezing one of his own employees. Rose convinces Ted that it shouldn't be done, however the next day at work, despite Ted's pleas, Phil goes through with it and freezes himself. While watching Phil freeze, Ted and Linda have a moment where they hold hands, however both try to hide it. After three days, the company decides to break its promise that Phil can stay in the lab, and decides to move him. The two janitors drop the tube when one of them answers his cell phone, and Phil thaws, with no memory of what happened to him. Everyone is ordered not to tell Phil what happened to him and Phil is put back into regular work, with one problem. At random moments throughout the day he will stop, and start screeching without realizing it.