Love triangle

"In geometric terms, the eternal triangle can be represented as comprising three points – a jealous mate (A) in a relationship with an unfaithful partner (B) who has a lover (C) ... A feels abandoned, B is between two mates, and C is a catalyst for crisis in the union A-B".[15]

It has been suggested that "a collusive network is always needed to keep the triangle eternal".[16] This may take a tragic form – "I saw no prospect of its ending except with death – the death of one of three people"[17] – or alternately a comic one: "A man at the funeral of a friend's wife, with whom he has been carrying on an affair, breaks into tears and finally becomes hysterical, while the husband remains impassive. 'Calm yourself,' says the husband, 'I'll be marrying again'."[18]

It has been suggested that if men "share a sense of brotherhood and they allow a woman into their relationship, an isosceles triangle is created" automatically, as "in Truffaut's film Jules et Jim".[19] René Girard has explored the role of envy and mimetic desire in such relationships, arguing that often the situation "subordinates a desired something to the someone who enjoys a privileged relationship with it".[20] In such cases, 'it cannot be fair to blame the quarrel of the mimetic twins on a woman. ... She is their common scapegoat'.[21]

When a love triangle results in the breakup of a marriage, it may often be followed by what has been called "the imposition of a 'defilement taboo'...the emotional demand imposed by a jealous ex-mate...to eschew any friendly or supportive contact with the rival in the triangle".[22] The result is often to leave children gripped by "shadows from the past...they often take sides. Their loyalties are torn", and – except in the best of cases – "the one left 'injured' can easily sway the feelings of the children against acknowledging this new relationship".[23]

As to gender responsibility, evidence would seem to indicate that in late modernity both sexes may equally well play the part of the "Other Person" – that "men and women love with equivalent passion as well as folly"[16] and that certainly there is nothing to "suggest that a man is better able to control himself in a love triangle than a woman".[24] Stereotypically, the person at the center of a rivalrous love triangle is a woman, whereas for a split-object love triangle it is a man, due to the same reasons that polygyny is far more common than polyandry.

Those who find themselves tempted to become the Other Man may, however, still find a cynic's advice from the 1930s pertinent on "the emotional position of the adulterer, and why to avoid it... Did I know what a mug's game was? – No. – 'A mug's game,' he told me, 'is breaking your back at midnight, trying to make another man's wife come".[25]

A love triangle should not be confused with a ménage à trois, a three-way relationship in which either all members are romantically involved with each other, or one member has relations with two others who are reconciled to the situation instead of being in conflict. Ménage à trois is French and directly translates to "household for three" meaning it is usually composed of a "married couple and a lover ... who live together while sharing sexual relations". This differs from a love triangle because each participant is equally motivated purely by sexual desires. The ménage à trois may be considered a subset of "The Sandwich ... a straight three-handed operation ... which may be operated with any assortment of sexes: three men, three women, two men and a woman ('Ménage à trois'), or two women and a man ('The Tourist Sandwich')".[26]