that is because you are trying to do a connection end to end between your pi and your computer but there is nothing on the pi to respond to the computer request
start by enabling ssh on the, on the /boot
partition add a file called ssh
connect the pi through ethernet to your router, it will get an IP, then
on your pc execute
sudo apt-get install -y nmap
hostname -I #this will return something like 192.168.x.x
now look for your pi with
sudo nmap -sn 192.168.x.0/24
you will get something like
Nmap scan report for 192.168.15.1
Host is up (0.018s latency).
MAC Address: 4A:02:71:67:4B:E6 (Unknown)
Nmap scan report for 192.168.1x.2
Host is up (0.070s latency).
MAC Address: 88:78:73:84:26:5A (raspberrypi)
Nmap scan report for 192.168.x.3
...
now simply ssh to your pi with
ssh pi@192.168.x.3 #pass raspberry
once inside, configure the wifi
sudo raspi-config
you can also use /etc/wpa_supplicant/wpa_supplicant.conf
to set the network
ctrl_interface=DIR=/var/run/wpa_supplicant GROUP=netdev
update_config=1
network={
ssid="YOUR_SSID_HERE"
psk="YOUR_SECRET_PASSPHRASE_HERE"
id_str="SOME_DESCRIPTIVE_NAME"
}