Parental abuse by children

Parental abuse has been defined as "any harmful act of a teenage child intended to gain power and control over a parent.”[4] The abuse can be physical, psychological, or financial. [5] The effects of experiencing abuse from one's child can be profound. In the short term, ongoing parent abuse has been found to impact a parent's and other family members’ physical and psychological health, with specific emotions such as fear, shame, guilt and despair commonly reported.[6]

Adolescent abuse towards parents and grandparents has occurred globally. However, it is not often discussed or reported, unlike Child abuse and spousal abuse, as most family abuse remains hidden from public view until law enforcement becomes involved.[7]

According to some researchers, the abuse of parents by their own offspring is still considered by many to be a taboo subject. Reasons for this may be that parents feel ashamed, or think they should be able to handle the situation by themselves without outside assistance.[8] In addition, some parents may feel it is not safe for them to attempt to control the situation, as this might escalate it.

It is difficult to ascertain the prevalence of parental abuse. However, research carried out in Canada, United States, and Oceania, suggests that mothers, lone parents, and parents facing social and family difficulties are more probable to experience parental abuse, no matter if a child has experienced violence in the family or not.

A unique factor in parental abuse is 'the culture of blame', which has deepened over the decades of the 1990s and 2000s.[9]

According to Cottrell[7] and Bobic,[10] abuse may appear in one or a combination of five forms; physical, verbal, psychological, emotional, and financial. Bobic mentioned only four of the five listed abuses; verbal abuse was not included in her 2004 article, Adolescent Violence Towards Parents.[10]

Many people consider parent abuse to be the result of certain parenting practices, neglect, or the child suffering abuse themselves, but other adolescent abusers have had "normal" upbringing and have not suffered from these situations. Children may be subjected to violence on TV, in movies and in music, and that violence may come to be considered "normal".[12] The breakdown of the family unit, poor or nonexistent relationships with an absent parent, as well as, debt, unemployment, and parental drug/alcohol abuse may all be contributing factors to abuse. Some other reasons for parental abuse according to several experts are:[7][10]

• Arguments getting out of control
• Aggressive behavioral tendencies
• Frustration or inability to deal with problems
• Not having learned how to manage (or control) angry feelings
• Not able to learn how to manage or control behavior due to brain damage
• Witnessing other abuses at home can cause similar behaviors
• Lack of respect for their parents – perceived weakness
• Lack of consequences for bad behavior
• Children who have been abused may begin to fight back against their abusers
• Fear
• Drugs and alcohol
• Gang culture
• Not having adequate role models
• Not being able to properly deal with a disabled or mentally ill parent(s)
• Revenge or punishment for something the parents did or did not do
• Mental illness
• Not being able to cope correctly
• Corporal punishment

Parental abuse is a relatively new term. In 1979, Harbin and Madden[13] released a study using the term "parent battery" but juvenile delinquency, which is a major factor, has been studied since the late 19th century.[11] Even though some studies have been done in the United States, Australia, Canada, and other countries, the lack of reporting of adolescent abuse toward parents makes it difficult to accurately determine the extent of it. Many studies have to rely on self-reporting by adolescents.[14][15] In 2004, Robinson,[11] of Brigham Young University, published: Parent Abuse on the Rise: A Historical Review in the American Association of Behavioral Social Science Online Journal, reporting results of the 1988 study performed by Evans and Warren-Sohlberg.[16] The results reported that 57% of parental abuse was physical; using a weapon at 17%; throwing items at 5% and verbal abuse reported at 22%. With 82% of the abuse being against mothers (five times greater than against fathers) and 11% of the abusers were under the age of 10 years. The highest rate of abuse happens within families with a single mother. Mothers are usually the primary caregiver; they spend more time with their children than fathers and have closer emotional connections to them. It can also be due to the size and strength of the abuser. Parental abuse can occur in any family and it is not necessarily associated with ethnic background, socio-economic class, or sexual orientation.

Numerous studies concluded that gender does not play a role in the total number of perpetrators; however, males are more likely to inflict physical abuse and females are more likely to inflict emotional abuse.[7][15][17] Studies from the United States estimate that violence among adolescents peaks at 15–17 years old.[16][18][19] However, a Canadian study done by Barbara Cottrell in 2001 suggests the ages are 12–14 years old.[7]

Parental abuse does not happen just inside the home but can be in public places, further adding to the humiliation of the parents. Abuse is not only a domestic affair but can be criminal as well. Most teenagers experience a transition in which they try to go from being dependent to independent, but there are some dynamics of parental control that may alter it. There will always be times of resistance toward parental authority. According to the Canadian National Clearinghouse on Family Violence, the abuse generally begins with verbal abuse, but even then, some females can be very physically abusive towards a child who is smaller and more vulnerable than they are, and to cover their abuse, they often lie to the other parent about actual events that led to "severe punishment." The child, adolescent or parent may show no remorse or guilt and feels justified in the behavior, but many times when the child is the one who is being abused, they are very remorseful for being forced to defend themselves, especially when they are not the aggressor.[20] Parents can examine the behavior of their children to determine whether or not it is abusive. Some teenagers can become aggressive as a result of parental abuses and dysfunction or psychological problems, while some children may have trouble dealing with their emotions. However, abused children are not afforded protections from abusive parents.[7]

According to Spitzberg the typical interaction leading to parental abuse often seems to occur in the following sequence:[21]

1. The adolescent makes a request.
2. The parent asks for clarifying information.
3. The adolescent responds courteously and provides the requested information.
4. The parent acknowledges the teen's point of view but decides to say "no" based on the information provided, while possibly continuing the conversation regarding a possible "next time".
5. The adolescent tries to change the mind of the parent by asking the parent to explain the decision, sometimes using the information to continue to challenge the parent until certain that the answer would not change.
6. If the parent holds firm to his or her decision, the teen may start using abusive remarks and threats, harass the parent by following the parent around, and finally responding with verbal threats, physical force, emotional abuse, and often destruction of property or financial damage.

Yet the escalation of violence is an interactive process. When parents or others intervene emotionally or physically in a violent manner, they can cause the adolescent's aggression to escalate to a higher level. The more tendency towards abuse and negative behaviors that the parent exemplifies, the more reactive the child will also be. As a result, balancing these two dynamics reduces potential abuse within families, whether it be parental abuses or child abuses.

Non-violent resistance (NVR) is an approach designed to overcome a child’s aggressive, controlling, and self-destructive behaviours.[22][23] In NVR, parents replace talking with action, not engaging with aggressive or harmful behaviours.[24] With the support of therapists and other counsellors, it is possible to identify mental health and other behavioural concerns throughout this process. It has four areas where parents are supported by therapists or other counsellors:[24]

1. Deescalation
2. Breaking taboos
3. Taking non-violent actions
4. Reconciliation gestures

While intervention is an option, it may not always work. There are times when the child has a mental illness that does not allow them, adolescent or teenager, to understand what exactly is happening. Therefore, they act out their emotions the only way they know. This can present itself as violence, emotional abuse, destructive behavior, such as destroying personal property or self-harm. The United States currently protects abused children using Courts, Child Protective Services and other agencies. The US also has Adult Protective Services which is provided to abused, neglected, or exploited older adults and adults with significant disabilities. There are no agencies or programs that protect parents from abusive children, adolescents or teenagers other than giving up their parental rights to the state they live in.

• Animal abuse
• Child abuse
• Dysfunctional family
• Elder abuse
• Juvenile delinquency
• Parental alienation
• Runaway (dependent)
• Sibling abuse (the abuse of children by their own siblings)
• Substance abuse
• Teenage rebellion

• Retrieved 26 May 2012 from Parentlink - Abuse of parents
• Retrieved 26 May 2012 from Parenting and Child Health - Health Topics -
• Retrieved 26 May 2012 from angelsthatcare.org - This website is for sale! - Child abuse domestic violence Missing Children Resources and Information. Archived 2012-06-06 at the Wayback Machine
• Retrieved 5 June 2012 from
• Lack of support for parents who live in fear of their teenagers, study shows