Age disparity in sexual relationships

Data in Australia[3] and the United Kingdom[4] show an almost identical pattern.

Relationships with age disparities have been observed with both men and women as the older or younger partner. In various cultures, older men and younger women often seek one another for sexual or marital relationships.[5] Older women sometimes date younger men as well,[6] and in both cases wealth and apparent physical attractiveness are often relevant.[7] Because most men are interested in women in their 20s, adolescent boys are generally sexually interested in women somewhat older than they are.[8] Older men also display an interest in women of their own age.[9] However, research suggests that relationship patterns are more influenced by women's preferences than men's.[8][10][11]

Most men marry women younger than they are; with the difference being between two and three years in Spain,[12] the UK reporting the difference to be on average about three years, and the US, two and a half.[13][14] The pattern was also confirmed for the rest of the world, with the gap being largest in Africa.[15] However, the number of women marrying younger men is rising. A study released in 2003 by the UK's Office for National Statistics concluded that the proportion of women in England and Wales marrying younger men rose from 15% to 26% between 1963 and 1998. Another study also showed a higher divorce rate as the age difference rose for when either the woman was older or the man was older.[16][17] A 2008 study, however, concluded that the difference is not significant.[18][19]

In August 2010, Michael Dunn of the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff, completed and released the results of a study on age disparity in dating. Dunn concluded that "Not once across all ages and countries ... did females show a preference for males significantly younger than male preferences for females" and that there was a "consistent cross-cultural preference by women for at least same-age or significantly older men". A 2003 AARP study reported that 34% of women over 39 years old were dating younger men.[20]

A 2011 study suggested that marriage of younger men by women is positively correlated with decreased longevity, particularly for the woman, though married individuals generally still have longer lifespans than singles.[21]

There are complex and diverse reasons that people enter into age-disparate relationships, and a recent review in the Journal of Family Theory and Review showed vast differences across contexts.[22] Explanations for age disparity usually focus on either the rational choice model or the analysis of demographic trends in a society.[12] The rational choice model suggests that people look for partners who can provide for them in their life (bread-winners); as men earn more as they get older, women will therefore prefer older men.[12] This factor is diminishing as more women enter the labor force. The demographic trends are concerned with the sex ratio in the society, the marriage squeeze, and migration patterns.[12] Another explanation concerns cultural values: the higher the value placed in having children, the higher the age gap will be.[15] Yet Canadian researchers have found that age-disparate couples are less likely to have children than similarly aged ones.[23] As people have chosen to marry later and remarriage becomes more common, the age differences between couples have increased as well.[12][18]

In a Brown University study, it has been noted that the social structure of a country determines the age difference between spouses more than any other factor.[24] One of the concerns of relationships with age disparities in some cultures is a perceived difference between people of different age ranges. These differences may be sexual, financial or social. Gender roles may complicate this even further. Socially, a society with a difference in wealth distribution between older and younger people may affect the dynamics of the relationship.[25]

Although the "cougar" trend, in which older women date much younger men, is often portrayed in the media as a widespread and established facet of modern Western culture, at least one academic study has found the concept to be a "myth". A British psychological study published in Evolution and Human Behavior in 2010 concluded that men and women, in general, continued to follow traditional gender roles when searching for mates.[26] The study found that, as supported by other academic studies, most men preferred younger, "attractive" women, while most women, of any age, preferred successful, established men their age or older. The study found very few instances of older women pursuing much younger men and vice versa.[27] The study has been criticized, however, for limiting their results to online dating profiles, which are traditionally not used by those seeking older or younger partners, and for excluding the United States from the study.[28][29][30]

Cross-culturally, research has consistently supported the trend in which males prefer to mate with younger females, and females with older males.[33] In a cross-cultural study that covered 37 countries,[50] preferences for age differences were measured and research supported the theory that people prefer to marry close to the age when female fertility is at its highest (24–25 years). Analysing the results further, cross culturally, the average age females prefer to marry is 25.4 years old, and they prefer a mate 3.4 years older than themselves, therefore their preferred mate would be aged 28.8 years of age. Males however prefer to marry when they are 27.5 years old, and a female to be 2.7 years younger than themselves, yielding their preferred mate to be 24.8 years old. The results from the study therefore show that the mean preferred marriage age difference (3.04 years averaging male and female preferred age) corresponds very closely with the actual mean marriage age difference (2.99). The preferred age of females is 24.8 years and the actual average age females marry is 25.3 years old (and 28.2 for males) which actually falls directly on the age where females are most fertile, however, this assumes this people are having children immediately after marrying. Moreover, these patterns fit many proposed explanations for age differences: evolutionarily adapted mating preferences, socialisation, and gendered economic differences.[22]

The United Nations Marriage Statistics Department measures the Singulate Mean Age Marriage (SMAM) difference, the difference in average age at first marriage between men and women, across the main regions in the world (refer to Table. 1).[47]

Age-hypogamy defines a relationship where the woman is the older partner, the opposite of this being age-hypergamy.[62] Marriage between partners of roughly similar age is known as "age homogamy".[63]

Older female–younger male relationships are increasingly researched by social scientists.[62][64][65][66][67] Slang terms such as "cougar" have been used in films, TV shows and the media to depict older females with younger male mates. The picture often displays a stereotypical pairing of a divorced, middle-aged, white, affluent female dating a younger male with the relationship taking the form of a non-commitment arrangement between the partners.[68]

Although age-hypogamous relationships have historically been very infrequent, recent US census data has shown an increase in age-hypogamous relationships from 6.4% in 2000 to 7.7% in 2012.[69]

There may be many reasons why age-hypogamous relationships have been less frequent until recently. Sexual double standards in society, in particular, may account for their rarity.[62] In many contexts, ageing in women is seen to be associated with decreased sex appeal and dating potential.[70]

There is debate in the literature as to what leads to age-hypogamy in sexual relationships. A number of variables have been argued to influence the likelihood of women entering into an age-hypogamous relationship, such as racial or ethnic background, level of education, income, marital status, conservatism, age, and number of sexual partners.[62] For example, US Census data show an exaggerated sex ratio in African American communities, whereby there were 100 African American women for every 89 African American men.[71] It was shown that African American women were more likely to be in age-hypogamous or age-hypergamous marriages in comparison with White American women.[72] However, more recent evidence has found that women belonging to racial categories besides African American or White were more likely to sleep with younger men,[62] showing that it is still unclear which, if any, ethnic groups are more likely to have age-hypogamous relationships.

French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte. The couple married in 2007; at the time he was 30 years old and she 54, with a 24-year age-hypogamous gap between the pair.

Another example illustrating the varying literature surrounding age-hypogamous relationships is research indicating that a woman's marital status can influence her likelihood of engaging in age-hypogamous relationships. Married women are less likely to be partnered with younger men compared to non-married women.[73] More recent findings suggest that previously married women are more likely to engage in an age-hypogamous sexual relationships compared to women who are married or who have never been married.[62]

Despite social views depicting age-hypogamous relationships as short lived, a 2008 study from Psychology of Women Quarterly has found that women in age-hypogamous relationships are more satisfied and the most committed in their relationships compared to younger women or similarly aged partners.[74][75] It has also been suggested that male partners engaging in age-hypogamous relationships are choosing beauty over age. A recent study found that when shown pictures of women of ages ranging from 20 to 45 with different levels of apparent attractiveness, regardless of age, men chose the more "attractive" individuals as long-term partners.[76]

Graph of the half-age-plus-seven rule

An often-asserted rule of thumb to determine whether an age difference is socially acceptable holds that a person should never date someone whose age is less than half their own plus seven years.[77][78][79][80] According to this rule, a 28-year-old would date no one younger than 21 (half of 28, plus 7) and a 50-year-old would date no one younger than 32 (half of 50, plus 7).

Although the provenance of the rule is unclear, it is sometimes said to have originated in France.[78] The rule appears in John Fox Jr.'s 1903 novel The Little Shepherd of Kingdom Come,[81] in American newspapers in 1931 attributed to Maurice Chevalier,[82] and in The Autobiography of Malcolm X, attributed to Elijah Muhammad.[83]

In earlier sources, the rule sometimes had a different interpretation than in contemporary times. Not only was it gender-specific, it was presented as a formula to calculate the ideal age of a female partner at the beginning of a relationship, instead of a lower limit. Frederick Locker-Lampson's Patchwork from 1879 states the opinion "A wife should be half the age of her husband with seven years added."[84] Max O'Rell's Her Royal Highness Woman from 1901 gives the rule in the format "A man should marry a woman half his age, plus seven."[85] A similar interpretation is also present in the 1951 play The Moon Is Blue by F. Hugh Herbert: "Haven't you ever heard that the girl is supposed to be half the man's age, plus seven?"[86]

A 2000 study found that the rule was fairly accurate at predicting the minimum age of a woman that a man would marry or date. However, the rule was not found to be predictive of the minimum age of a man that a woman would marry or date, nor (by reversing the formula) of the maximum age that either sex would marry or date.[77]

Partner age disparities are typically met with some disdain in industrialized nations, and there are various derogatory terms for participants in these relationships.

In English-speaking countries, where financial disparity and an exchange of money for companionship is perceived as central to these relationships, the elder (presumably more wealthy) partner is often called a "sugar daddy" or "sugar mama", and the younger may be called a "sugar baby". In extreme cases, a person who marries a wealthy older partner – especially one in poor health – may be called a "gold digger".[87]

An attractive younger woman pursued by a wealthy man who is perceived as wanting her only for her appearance or as a status symbol may be called a trophy wife.[88] The opposite term, "trophy husband", does not have an agreed upon use, but is becoming more common: some use the term to refer to the attractive stay-at-home husband of a much more famous woman; others use it to refer to the husband of a trophy wife, as he is her trophy due to his wealth and prestige. In the latter case, the term trophy is broadened to include any substantial difference in power originating from physical appearance, wealth, or status. The trophy label is often perceived as objectifying the partner, with or without the partner's implicit consent.

Where the primary perceived reason for a relationship with a significant age difference is sexual, many gender-specific terms have become popular in English-speaking cultures. A woman of middle to elderly age who pursues younger men is a cougar or puma, and a man in a relationship with an older woman is often called a boytoy, toyboy, himbo, gigolo, or cub. In reverse, the terms rhino, trout and manther (a play on the panther term for women) are generally used to label an older man pursuing younger women, and the younger woman in such a relationship may be called a kitten or panther.[89] If the woman is extremely young, the man may be labelled a cradle-snatcher (UK)[90] or cradle robber (US)[91] In gay slang, the term chickenhawk may be used. If the much-younger target of affections is not of the legal age of consent or appears as such, the term jailbait may be applied to them, cautioning older partners against involvement. An older term for any licentious or lascivious man is a lecher. That term and its shortening, lech, have come to commonly describe an elderly man who makes passes at much younger women.

• Chronophilia
• Ephebophilia
• Homogamy (sociology)
• Hypergamy
• Mate choice
• Parental investment
• Polygamy
• Age and pregnancy
• Sexual selection in humans

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