How to Act at a House Party

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Last Updated: June 20, 2022 References

Going to a house party and have no idea how to act? You are not alone. It can be scary to attend a house party if you've never been to one before. House parties are important in people's social calendar. In one night at a house party, it's possible to unleash the social butterfly within you. It is helpful to overcome your discomfort with parties because you will probably continue to go to parties as you grow up.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Socializing at the House Party

1
Arrive at the party. Don’t be shy and knock on the door. Once you’re in the party, make sure to greet the host, if there is a clear host. Near the beginning of arriving at a house party, you should scan the rooms and see if you recognize anyone. Go through each room and scout the area for any friends or acquaintances you have.
- Introduce yourself by saying, "Hi, my name is Jill. How's it going?" Just be yourself and people will respond positively.
- If you are not close with someone, but you’ve chatted before, this is a good person to talk to. Try not to interrupt anyone who’s engaged in a conversation.
- If none of your friends have arrived, try to play it cool by not seeming too desperate for conversation or attention. One way teens cope with this awkwardness is by smoking, but you should skip smoking. It's bad for your health, and you could start a bad habit that could last for years. Instead, check your cell phone for articles to read.
2
Introduce yourself to someone you recognize. Don’t feel embarrassed if you don’t know anyone at the party. Scan the party for somebody who doesn’t seem too preoccupied by a conversation. By finding someone who is free and seems to be in a similar situation, you have an opportunity to create a conversation. Once you create an interesting conversation, other partygoers might notice you.
- Start simply by introducing yourself and tell this person how you recognize them. Then you can move into a discussion on the mutual topic that connects you.^{[1]
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- You can spice up the conversation by asking questions about their past. You can ask questions like: “Have you ever lived somewhere else?,” or “What did you do last weekend?”
- If you don't know the person super well, try asking about how they know the party's host.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 21 September 2021.}
- Don't forget to say hi to the party host, too! You could comment on something you noticed around their house, or even bring a gift as a nice gesture.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 21 September 2021.}
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3
Interact with your group of friends. One of the easiest ways to socialize at a house party is to hang out with your friends. This is a good strategy because other partygoers will frequently enter your circle of friends. When other people come into your circle of friends, you can introduce yourself.
- Follow your friend group, but don’t feel inclined to follow them throughout the entire night. A fun thing to do at house parties is to venture off alone.
4
Exchange phone numbers with someone. Sometimes it can be helpful to make it your goal to get somebody's phone number. Many people do this for dating purposes, but you can also make the same goal for gaining a friend. Once you meet somebody, keep asking questions until you both realize you enjoy each other's company.
- Socializing doesn't come easily for everyone and that is fine. Making goals can sometimes improve your ability to socialize.
- One way of getting somebody's phone number is by asking them if they'd like to hang out a different time. You could say, "Hey, do you want to go to the Cubs game with me?"
5
Go to the party with a friend. The best way to ensure that you will feel comfortable is by attending the party with someone you know. This way, you can both watch each others' backs. It is better to arrive with a friend instead of meeting them at the party. If you plan to meet at the party, you might be stranded alone at the party for an hour or more.^{[4]
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- Be aware that if you bring an outgoing friend, they may want to be more social than you want to be. On the other hand, if you opt for someone who's less outgoing than you are, you may be tempted to hide out in a corner together and not socialize with other people.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being Involved with Party Events

1
Join in on the dance floor.^{[5]
X
Research source} The dance floor is a great outlet for having fun at a party. No one should ever feel too embarrassed to dance. If you are shy and feel uncomfortable, don't start the dance party. If partygoers are already dancing, join in, even if it is just for one song.
- Dance floors are sometimes a good way to meet people. You can always compliment someone on their dance moves.
- Let the music take over and don't fight the temptation. You will have an easier time dancing by feeling the rhythm and moving to the beat.
2
Have a drink. If there is alcohol at the party, which there probably will be, don’t be shocked. Pour yourself a drink if the host offered it to you. Don’t make it a goal to get drunk, but having a drink or two could help you loosen up and chat with people. If you don’t want to drink, respect other people's decisions for drinking.
- If you're underage, be sure to skip the drinking. It's easy for underage drinkers to drink too much, landing you in the hospital or worse. You could also get into serious legal trouble.
- It is easy for people to over-drink at house parties due to social anxiety. Be aware of this phenomenon, and drink with caution and at a slow pace.
- Drink plenty of water between consuming alcoholic beverages. Alcohol dehydrates the body, so you’ll need to keep your water levels high while drinking alcohol.
- Don't drink with the goal of feeling social and outgoing. You could potentially become very intoxicated.
3
Start a game with someone. Bring a deck of cards with you just in case some people want to play a card game. A popular card game at parties is poker or “Circle of Death.” There are other games you can play at parties like hide n’ seek, four corners, or a board game like Twister. House parties are all about letting loose and having fun.
- Don’t feel embarrassed for trying to start a game. There will be at least one or two other people who think you have a good idea.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Being Responsible

1
Get permission to attend the party. If you still live with your parents or guardian, ask them if you can go to the party. If you have strict parents, you might need to stretch the truth in order to go to the party. However, it's not responsible to lie to them. You should always be open with them; if you are caught lying, you could be grounded. You should also get a confirmation from the party's host that you are welcome to come. If you know your parents won’t let you go, try one of these options:
- Try to convince your parents to let you go to the party for a couple of hours.^{[6]
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  Trustworthy Source
  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source} You could tell them things that would put their fears at ease, such as letting them know responsible adults will be there or that you will take a friend and promise to watch out for each other. You should also promise to not engage in any illegal activities, such as underage drinking.
2
Get dressed for the party. Make sure to wear what feels comfortable or something you feel confident in. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and dress the way you want. Most house parties are informal, but others have dress themes that might be fun to follow.
- If you know people who are planning to get dressed up for the party, coordinate with them so that you all match. Matching with your friends at a party is a good way for people to notice and talk to you.^{[7]
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3
Travel to the party safely. You have to be careful when traveling to a house party. Many house parties are an excuse for teenagers or college kids to drink underage. If you are a driver, consider this before traveling to the party. There is no shame in taking a cab to the party or public transportation. Your parents will appreciate your responsibility if you choose to take a cab instead of drive to a party.
4
Clean up after yourself. Respect the house you are in by picking up after yourself. You could even pay it forward by throwing away other people’s trash. Remember that someone lives at this house and might live there with a family. Show your gratitude to the host and their house by cleaning up after yourself.
- Your actions might even inspire others to clean up after themselves as well.
5
Moderate your drinking and others. Be aware of how much you drink at the party. You should be able to keep an accurate count of how many drinks you’ve consumed. While it is not your place to tell people when they can drink or not, you should keep an eye out for anyone in need. It is common for young, inexperienced drinkers to drink a toxic amount of alcohol. If you see somebody looks too drunk, try to assist them if appropriate.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- You could let the drunk person’s friends know this person is in need.
- Careful not to overstep your boundaries when getting involved with extremely intoxicated people. Some people can handle themselves more than you’d think.
- If you see any abuse or signs of date rape, talk to the owners of the house and take action. Get a group together to intervene. In the worst case scenario, you may need to threaten to call the police or actually make that call.
6
Leave when you want. Don’t feel pressured to stay at the party until the very end. You can leave whenever you want. Sometimes it is best to stop in to a party for an hour and leave. This works for some people and is infuriating for others. Do whatever feels best for you. Try not to leave a mess or damage anything. Respect the host and help clean up before you leave.^{[9]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do you act at a party where you know nobody?

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Self Esteem Specialist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Self Esteem Specialist

Expert Answer

Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation! Chat with other party-goers about how they know the host, and see if you have any fun stories to swap.
Question

What do you say to a party host?

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Self Esteem Specialist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Self Esteem Specialist

Expert Answer

Try making conversation about things you've noticed around their home! For instance, if you notice a lot of ski trophies in the living room, you could ask the host when they started skiing.
Question

How do you start a conversation at a party?

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Self Esteem Specialist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Self Esteem Specialist

Expert Answer

Location is always a good conversation starter! If you don't live near the party address, you could ask someone if they live in the area or if they know the area well.

Warnings

Always pour your own drinks. Do not accept a drink from someone you do not know. You never know someone's intentions.

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Never get into a car with a drunk driver.

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If you don't feel comfortable at house parties, don't force yourself to go. There are tons of others who aren't big fans of that scene, and you can still have as much fun.

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If you're underage, avoid drinking. For one, you could easily over drink, leading to alcohol poisoning or death, especially if you've never drank much before. Plus, you could get in serious trouble and even go to jail, particularly if you get behind the wheel after drinking. It's best to avoid it. Similarly, drug use could cause similar problems, so try to avoid it, as well.

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