11 Steps to Attract a Man Who Wants a Committed Relationship

Co-authored by Julianne Cantarella and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: February 1, 2022 References

In the world of modern dating, it can sometimes feel like you’re wading through a pool of people who only want casual flings. If you’re looking for a man who wants commitment just like you do, don’t fret—he’s definitely out there, you just have to find him! That’s why we’ve written this article to help you weed out the casual guys and attract the man of your dreams.

1

Join a more serious dating site.

Pick one that’s known for serious relationships, not hookups. In general, the sites that have you fill out a lot of information before matching you with potential suitors are the ones that will lead you to a long-term commitment. Try sites like OkCupid, Match, and Plenty of Fish, and be sure to include that you’re looking for something serious.^{[1]
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- Other sites like Tinder, Bumble, and Grindr are fine, but they only match you up based on age range and location. This tends to lead to more casual flings.

2

Ask friends or family to set you up with someone.

Specify that you’re looking for a long-term commitment only. Your loved ones know you best, so they might be able to help find a guy that’s right for you. Ask around to see if your friends or family know anyone who’s single that you might be able to grab a drink with. You never know who you’ll meet through a mutual friend!^{[2]
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- Going out with a friend of a friend is also safer than meeting up with a stranger. Since you know someone who knows them, you can be fairly certain that they are who they say they are.

3

Look for someone who fits into your lifestyle.

Someone who complements you is much more likely to commit to you. For instance, if you’re a career-oriented person and you want to find someone with the same goals, look for a man with a steady job and a high income. That way, your lifestyles fit together instead of clashing.^{[3]
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- If you really value family and want to be a stay at home parent, look for a man who wants to be the breadwinner in the relationship.

4

Go for an older guy.

Men aged 28 to 33 are more likely to commit. This stage of life that they’re in is more conducive to settling down and getting married, so it’s a good age range to check out. If you find a guy who’s outside of that range, don’t worry—he might still value commitment! But, you have a much higher chance of finding a guy to settle down with if he’s in that range.^{[4]
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- Studies also show that once men reach age 38, their commitment levels severely decrease. Again, it’s not impossible, but it is more unlikely.

5

Take things slow.

Try not to put pressure on your man so you don’t push him away. It can feel counterintuitive, but by taking things slow and letting your relationship progress naturally, you can actually get a man to commit to you much faster.^{[5]
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Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} Otherwise, you run the risk of scaring him off.^{[6]
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- For instance, you’ll want to avoid talking about marriage or kids on the first few dates.
- Save the “What are we?” talk until you’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks (or even months).
- You may also want to take things slow physically, too. Having sex too quickly can make your man think you’re only in it for the hookup.

6

Be positive.

An air of positivity will always keep a guy invested in you. When you see the guy you’re dating, try to remain positive, and avoid too much complaining or negativity. Everyone’s allowed to have a bad day every now and then, but do your best to stay positive and look on the bright side of things.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} You’ll keep him coming back for more every time!^{[8]
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- Let’s say your car breaks down, and now you have to bike everywhere. Instead of complaining about it, you might say, “Well, at least I get to enjoy the sunshine!”

7

Give only as much as you get.

Match the energy that he puts into the relationship. If he only makes time to see you once a week, then that’s how often you should see him. If he only calls you every other day to check in, then you shouldn’t call him more than that. Pouring too much of yourself into a relationship can be bad for your mental health, and unfortunately, it might also push your guy away.^{[9]
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- This is also a good way to ensure you aren’t moving too quickly. If he saves the “What are we?” conversation for a few months down the line, then try to be okay with a casual thing for now.

8

Accept gifts and favors.

Let him invest in the relationship so he feels good about it. It sounds counterintuitive, but getting someone to like you is all about letting them do things for you. When they feel like they can take care of you, they fall for you even more, so do your best to accept his help when he offers.^{[10]
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- Car is in the shop? Tell him about it, then accept his offer to give you a ride to work.
- Not feeling well? Shoot him a text, then say thank you when he offers to bring you soup.
- You can accept his offers for favors, but try not to overdo it. If you ask him for something new every week, he might feel taken advantage of.

9

Maintain your independence.

Live your life outside of him so you don’t rely on your man too much. Men are attracted to people who can keep up with their own friends and maintain their own hobbies.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} It’s totally fine to dedicate a lot of your time to your relationship, but make sure you’re doing fun stuff on your own, too!^{[12]
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- You can subtly tell him about the fun stuff you’re doing by saying things like, “Let’s hang out on Friday! I have plans with my friends on Saturday, so I want to see you before then.”
- Or, tell him all about the new hobby you picked up by saying, “I’d love to show you my new rock climbing skills! I’ve been taking lessons for the past few months.”

10

Put a bit of effort into your appearance.

Yes, it’s true—people like people who look good. When you’re trying to find a man, do your best to look and feel confident. Wear clothes that fit you well, do your hair, and put on makeup if you wear it. Don’t worry about being stylish or trendy, just focus on whatever makes you feel good. The better you feel inside, the better you’ll look outside!^{[13]
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- In general, men are very visual creatures. You can catch someone’s attention while you’re out and about by holding your head high and being the most confident person in the room.

11

Set a commitment timeline.

Give yourself a rough estimate of how long you’ll wait for commitment. You can share this with a guy that you’re dating, or you can keep it to yourself. The timeline is up to you, but make sure you stick to it—otherwise, you might waste your time on a guy who doesn’t want anything serious.^{[14]
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- Your timeline can be personalized to your own needs. You might say that you want to be exclusive within 3 months, or have the “What are we?” conversation within 10 dates.