How to Be Enigmatic

Last Updated: April 22, 2022 Approved

Enigmas are, by definition, tough to figure out. If you want to cultivate a little mystery in your life, but still maintain the magnetism and charm of the Bogarts of the world, you can learn what parts of your personality to pull back and which parts to emphasize so as to better cultivate an enigmatic persona in your speech, in your behavior, and in your personality.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Speaking Enigmatically

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Speak only when you have something to say. If you want to cultivate a mysterious and enigmatic presence, leave some things unsaid. Train yourself to hold back on sharing your thoughts all of the time, not because you're shy and meek, but because you're comfortable enough in your own skin. Talk when you know it's essential, but don't feel the need to speak every chance you get.
- Culturally, we often mistake fast-talkers for smart-talkers, but pauses in conversation have a power all of their own. Allow for reflection and silence in conversations, letting what is said sink in. This will give weight to your words and a gravity to your presence. Sometimes it's not so much what you say as what you do not say that people will remember.^{[1]
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Play devil's advocate. Enigmatic people are often unpredictable, suddenly voicing an opinion you might have thought counter to their opinions or presence in general. Don't follow the crowd. Instead, look for new ways of seeing and try to think creatively around topics. Ask questions instead of agreeing to avoid conflict.
- If three people at a meeting have already spoken up for one way of solving a problem, play devil's advocate, even if you think they're probably right, or stay quiet. There's little sense in being another voice in the crowd, saying the same thing.
- Ask lots of questions to make sure that decisions are the smartest possible. Clarify, specify, and interrogate all ideas to get to the heart of the matter.
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Steer conversations in serious directions. Small talk is by nature banal. We talk about the weather, work hassles, childcare, traffic snarls, the cost of living. Enigmatic people might prefer to have one-on-one conversations that go deeper. Learn to take creative turns in your conversational skills and head for the deeper waters of discourse.^{[2]
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- If you find yourself at a party, confronted with a parade of dull getting-to-know-you talk, try to find one person who's willing to have a different sort of conversation and engage. Lead with an unusual question, or a probing follow-up. If someone mentions off-hand that they liked a movie, instead of agreeing, ask "Why?"
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Use unusual colloquialisms. Be creative and say things that will make people sit up and take notice, instead of things that will fade into the background of conversations. If someone asks how you're doing, you could say, "So-so" and be forgotten in an instant. Or, you could say, "I feel like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs." If someone asks how the baseball game turned out, you could say "Terrible" or you could say that it was "Like slurping hot lead." People will take notice.
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Build up a powerful vocabulary. Spend time every day learning a few new words and practicing them in your conversations. Using precise and accurate diction in your everyday conversations will help you to stand out among the text-speak and the other chatter.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Keeping Some Distance

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Share less about yourself. Social networking has changed the way we relate to each other, stripping much of the mystery from ourselves. It can sometimes be hard to change people's perceptions of you because they've heard too much about who you think you are now. Don't box yourself in in conversations online or in person. Instead, be judicious with what you tell acquaintances and strangers about yourself, and be more generous with those closer to you.^{[3]
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- Apart from those closest to you, there's no need to broadcast your whereabouts all the time, or your interests and tastes about every little thing. If someone asks where you're going, just evade it. "I'll be around later."
- Remove the location information and updates from your social networking accounts such as Twitter and Facebook. Online, stop calling yourself a citizen of a particular nation. Strip as much personal information from your accounts as possible.
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Choose your friends wisely. Some people are open and trusting, appealing for the love of others almost instantly. Enigmatic people, on the other hand, exercise a great deal of discretion in whom they place that trust. Trust and respect are things to be earned with time and experience, not to be assumed. People should have to work to get close to you.
- Spend time with people one-on-one, instead of in larger groups. Enigmatic traits are more difficult to tease out when you're in larger groups. Get to know people for who they are, not who they pretend to be in public settings.
- If you want to be enigmatic, you also need to learn when it's okay to let people close enough to you. Enigmas aren't hermits. Even enigmatic people have people in their lives to trust and to lean upon. It just may be fewer than what we might think of as a cultural ideal.
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Stay calm under pressure. Enigmatic people can control their emotions and passions so that the front they present to the world appears composed, calm and unruffled. This isn't to say that you lack passion or emotion, but that you're in control of those emotions. Good or bad, be unflappable.
- Enigmatic people don't need to be martyrs. if you have ongoing pain, physical or emotional, see your doctor. Stay healthy and you won't have to worry about masking it. Look after your body and health so that you can stay strong in any situation.
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Live in the present. Where does an enigmatic person come from? Parts unknown. Where is an enigmatic person going? Anywhere. Don't dwell in the past, or in dreams about the future. Instead, focus on living in the moment and being fully present in the here and now. Be spontaneous and willing to adjust to the situation and you'll be as enigmatic as the world around you.
- If you're upset about a break-up, a loss in your family, or a failure of some kind, speak to a trusted friend confidentially, then move on. It's not something to talk about at work.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Having a Strong Personality

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Work out your brain. Challenging yourself intellectually will keep you engaged in life and thereby interesting and enigmatic to others. Don't spend hours playing video games, spend hours reading books. Don't spend hours chatting online, spend hours writing poetry. Devote yourself to intellectual endeavors and surprise the world with your intellect.^{[4]
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Be kind and be reassuring. Enigmatic people may seem mysterious, but they're not mean spirited or thoughtless. Indeed, your strong presence should be reassuring when people know that you don't gossip or abandon your friends at the drop of a hat.
- Listen when people speak. Practice close listening skills, really focusing in when someone else is talking. Too often, we like to wait for our turn to speak. Instead, be fully engaged in conversations. You'd be surprised how unusual this can be for some people.
- Remember people's names and try to have a good memory for things other people say. Enigmatic people can seem aloof, so you'll be a surprising presence when you remember an acquaintance's birthday, or a specific story they tossed off once.
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Pursue unusual interests and hobbies. Let out your inner weirdness by following an interest or hobby that is out of the ordinary and definitely something that arouses curiosity in others. Find something that gives you genuine pleasure for its unique qualities, not because it's a popular thing to do.
- Start collecting rare coins or crystals, or start backpacking in the woods each weekend, identifying mushrooms. Take photographs. Learn Latin. Find an obsession and follow that obsession.
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Be capable. wikiHow is the right place for aspiring enigmas. Do you know how to sew? How to change your engine oil? Tune a mandolin? How to install vinyl flooring? How to gut an elk? The more esoteric knowledge you have under your belt, the more capable and surprising you'll be when those skills come out of your head and into the world. Surprise people with your capabilities.
- Learn a card trick and never perform it for anyone, just in case you're ever at a party and someone brings up the subject. You'll knock their socks off when you unveil a mind-blowing card trick all of a sudden.
- try to get a part-time job, if you're young. Learning the way of the working world can help you develop more adult skills and real-world experience that can help you to stand out among your peers.
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Question authority. Enigmatic people are voices of reason in otherwise chaotic worlds, known for their even temperament and carefully calculated ideas. That sometimes will come into conflict with dominant ways of thinking. Enigmas are people like Rosa Parks and like Batman. Enigmas don't ask for permission to do what they want, they rely on their own capabilities to move through the world and find their own path. Think of characters like Sherlock Holmes, Clint Eastwood, and Julia Child.
- Look for enigmas all around you. Bob Dylan and Miles Davis might be enigmas on Wikipedia, but so are your town's librarians, gravediggers, baristas, and street musicians. Look for quiet leadership all around you, not just what's coming from the television and the newspaper. Find other sorts of role models.

Warnings

Don't be someone you aren't. Never forget who you really are.

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Communicate and act with non-violent intent at all times. Violence is a sign of losing control, something enigmatic people never do.

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Don't break the law. You know the consequences if you do. It is never recommended.

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