How to Be Patient With a Child With Special Needs

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References Approved

Many people have the idea that it can be difficult to work with a child with special needs. Even the parents of children with special needs can struggle with being patient and understanding. Taking on the role of caregiver of a child with special needs is a big commitment but it can be very rewarding. You can learn how to be more patient with a child with special needs using several different methods.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Interacting in Positive Ways with the Child

1
Explain the instructions for an activity or a task slowly and clearly. Special needs children can have difficulty following instructions and remaining on task. You can help the child focus on a task by sitting down with them and laying out the instructions for an activity or a task slowly and clearly. Maintain eye contact when you do this and make clear facial expressions. Do not talk too fast or too loudly with the child.^{[1]
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- Some special needs children have difficulty reading facial expressions as well as verbal or physical cues. You may want to try drawing out the instructions for an activity or a task to show the child how the activity will be done.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Reber, SSP
  School Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 15 May 2020.} You can do this using very basic drawings, such as stick figures, or a more comic strip style drawing, with more detailed figures. The child can then look at the drawing and better understand how to do an activity or a task.^{[3]
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  National Health Service (UK)
  Public healthcare system of the UK
  Go to source}
2
Learn how the child prefers to communicate with you. It can also be helpful to observe how the child communicates with those around her and with you. Some children with special needs have difficulty verbalizing their discomfort or their needs. They may use physical cues instead, such as touching your arm or waving their hands at you. Some children may prefer making facial gestures at you to show that they need something or are trying to figure out how to do a certain action.^{[4]
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- If you are taking care of a child with special needs temporarily, you should discuss the child’s preferred communication cues with her parents before she is under your care. Most parents are aware of their child’s cues and are good sources of information on how to best communicate with the child.
- Avoid pushing, poking, or shouting at the child, as these communication cues will often scare the child or cause her more distress. Aggressive actions toward the child should be avoided, as they are usually not effective.^{[5]
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3
Use auditory, visual, and tactile cues. If you are not sure how the child prefers to communicate, you may try auditory, visual, and tactile cues. You may try repeating certain words or phrases to help calm the child down if she is acting up. Singing these phrases in a low voice, for example, singing “be quiet please”, can help to soothe the child. You can also try clapping, whistling, and humming as a way to quiet down the child.^{[6]
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- You can also use visual cues to calm the child and teach the child how to behave in public. You may draw images to represent calm and quiet and show the child these draws to get her attention. Over time, she may understand that certain images mean certain things, from being quiet to going to the bathroom to getting ready for bed.
- Tactile cues can also be useful, such as gently touching the child’s shoulder or the side of her face to get her attention. You can also offer tactile objects to the child as a way to calm her down and to get her to focus her attention on a calming activity. For example, you may offer the child a blanket made of soft material or silly putty that she can play with as a way to occupy her with a safe and engaging task.
4
Work with the child’s special needs, not against it. You may be struggling to control your child’s behavior, especially in public where others may judge you or the child, and be frustrated that you cannot get your child under control due to her special needs. But rather than fight against the child’s special needs, you should try to find ways to accommodate the child’s special needs. This will allow you to view the child’s special needs as a challenge, rather than an obstacle or a problem to be fixed.^{[8]
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- For example, rather than get upset that your child with Down’s syndrome has trouble speaking and communicating her needs with you verbally, you may try to find other ways to help her communicate. You may take photographs of the step by step process of how to get dressed in the morning and show her the photographs so she understands what to do. You may also repeat phrases consistently in front of her so she hears and remembers these phrases. For example, you may try to say “Good morning” to her every morning so she understands this is a typical greeting for that time of day.
5
Celebrate the child’s achievements, even if they are small. Focus on the positive aspects of your child’s special needs by recognizing her achievements, even if they seem small and insignificant. This could be the moment she speaks her first complete sentence or the moment she understands what someone is asking her to do in a new or challenging environment. Show your child that you appreciate her achievements through facial gestures and positive language.^{[9]
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- You may also reward your child by giving her a small treat or taking her on a special outing. This will help to build her confidence and allow you to remind yourself of the many positive aspects of having a special needs child.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Creating a Safe Space for the Child

1
Make sure there is adult supervision at all times. To ensure your child feels safe and supported, you should ensure there is an adult or several adults on hand at all times.^{[10]
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- This could mean you and your partner supervise her at home, making sure one parent is always present in the room with her. Or, during an extracurricular class, you should make sure that one adult is interacting directly with the child and other adults are supervising other children in the class. This will ensure your child is not at risk of getting hurt or getting into a situation where she might be uncomfortable or upset.
2
Establish consistent rules and routines with the child. You can also give your child a sense of balance and stability by reinforcing a set of rules and routines.^{[11]
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- Establish a daily routine where the child eats meals at the same time and goes to school or recreational classes on the same days of the week.
- Establish basic rules around behavior, such as a rule for when the child can leave the table after a meal or a rule on how to greet someone new. These rules and routines will help your child to feel secure and also work to counter any issues or problems your child may be having.
- You should also ask any teachers, instructors, or authority figures in the child’s life about their rules. A teacher may have a classroom rule where if a child is having a behavior issue, she will call their name as a warning. You should then remind the child that is an important rule that must be followed whenever she is in the classroom.
3
Have an alternative plan in the event of an issue or problem. It’s a good idea to always have a plan B option in your back pocket, especially if you know your child can be unpredictable or act out on occasion. If you have a certain activity planned and your child does not seem interested or engaged, make sure you have an alternate activity that you can try. This will keep you from feeling stressed and frustrated. Being flexible about your plans for your child can help you be more patient and understanding.^{[12]
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4
Move the child to a safe space. If the child acts out in public, you may want to have your partner take the child outside or into a quiet space nearby. If you are alone with the child, you may take the child out yourself and sit with the child until she calms down. Always try to note quiet areas or spots when you are in public with the child, as you may need to access them in the event of an issue.^{[13]
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- You should also have a safe space in your house where you can leave the child alone to vent out her anger or issues. This could be her bedroom or a den that is full of objects that can help to calm her down. You may also put on soothing music or a soothing video that you know the child will respond well to.
5
Take a moment for yourself when necessary. Doing self-care is an important part of being a good caretaker for a special needs child. Take a moment to focus on your needs, even if it is for a few minutes a day.^{[14]
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- Do a five-minute meditation or enjoy your coffee for five minutes without interruption. Ask your partner to watch your child for an hour while you do something for you, such as going to a yoga class or taking a quiet walk. Taking a moment for yourself is key, as devoting all your energies toward your child can lead to feeling burned out and overly stressed.
6
Use humor to diffuse a tense situation. Treating a tense situation with humor and lightheartedness can really help to bring your stress level down. This could be laughing or making a joke when your child does something strange or acts out in public. Humor can help to release stress and make you feel less frustrated with your child.
- You could also turn the situation around by trying to make your child laugh. One parent noted that she uses earplugs and a white noise machine on her child to help her calm down when she has a tantrum. But sometimes, the parent puts the earplugs in her ears, which makes the child laugh and defuses a lot of the stress and tension between them.^{[16]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Reaching Out to Others

1
Talk to other individuals who work with special needs children. It can be helpful to talk to other parents, caretakers, instructors, or teachers who work with special needs children. Sharing your joys, fears, issues, and challenges with others who can empathize can help you feel less stressed and overworked.^{[17]
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Expert Source

Laura Reber, SSP
School Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 May 2020.}
- You may have a parent who lives nearby that you can call and talk to or a special needs teacher who you can meet with for advice. Building a support network of individuals will make being patient and understanding with your special needs child that much easier, especially on challenging days.
- If you do not yet have a support network of individuals, you may try to meet people at your child’s school, or other parents at your child’s recreational classes. There are also online forums you can join where you can talk to other parents and caretakers about any issues or problems you may be experiencing with your special needs child.
2
Join a support group for parents of special needs children. Look for a support group that meets in your area. Support groups can be a very healthy way to deal with any issues or problems you may be experiencing with your child and allow you to connect with others who can understand where you are coming from.^{[18]
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3
Ask for help from professionals if needed. Though you may be determined to care for your special needs child alone, remember that it can be a challenging and difficult job. There is no shame in reaching out to professional doctors or therapists for assistance, especially if you are struggling with maintaining your patience around your child.^{[19]
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Expert Source

Laura Reber, SSP
School Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 May 2020.}
- Your primary care doctor can refer you to a therapist who is trained to work with special needs children as well as the parents of special needs children. You may need to commit to weekly or bi-monthly meetings where you discuss your issues and work on ways to cope with them.

Expert Q&A

Question

What are the challenges you face as a parent to a child with special needs?

Laura Reber, SSP
School Psychologist
Laura Reber is a school psychologist and founder of Progress Parade, an organization that provides 1:1 online tutoring with hand-picked specialists to students with academic needs, ADHD, learning disabilities, autism, and social-emotional challenges. Laura works with a team of school psychologists and specialized teachers to create personalized approaches for homework support, academic intervention, homeschooling, unschooling, and more. Laura holds a BS in Psychology from Truman State University and a Specialist in School Psychology degree (SSP) from Illinois State University.

Laura Reber, SSP

School Psychologist

Expert Answer

So at first, you're going to need to do a lot of reading and self-educating. Get as much information as you need to get a good understanding of your child's diagnosis. There may be a lot of difficulties at first as you figure out how to adapt. There's no shame in asking for professional help or talking to your child's doctor about what you can do. Lastly, it's important that you're an advocate for your child. Talk to your children's teachers to make sure they're getting the accommodations and help they need.