How to Be a Normal Teenager

Co-authored by William Gardner, PsyD

Last Updated: June 2, 2022 References

When you're a teenager, there is not one way to be normal. It depends on your interests, likes, and dislikes.^{[1]
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Expert Source

William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 25 July 2019.} All teens experience a range of different emotions and experiences, up to and including joining or avoiding groups, feeling alienated - or inclusive - bored, having fun, physical changes. You may experience an intense desire to fit in with some group, to be accepted by your peers, of similar age, level, and interests. Even self-proclaimed weirdos, who celebrate their individuality, have like-minded friends. It's normal to feel like you're not normal enough. We all want to fit in somewhere, and fitting in doesn't mean you have to become a mindless drone with a relentless drive to conform. Embrace your inner weirdness and become the truest version of yourself. That's normal.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

How to Act Normal

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Spend time with people who are doing "positive activities" that you want to do. It's getting increasingly easy to spend too much time alone. While some solitude can be good, even loners have to come out to work, play or eat sometimes. To act normally and behave in a well-adjusted manner (not too different), it's important to spend time around other people, socializing and learning from them, so you can interact more directly and easily get involved. Just being around a variety of people in a coffee shop, or at a restaurant, or at the movies, can help you learn about others and feel less isolated. This will make you more comfortable in your own skin, which in turn will make you more experienced at opening up and interacting.
- Find places where you're likely to run into like-minded people. Love comics? Quit buying them online and hit up your local comic shop. Love to make art? Head to an art class, craft store or the museum. Take a class in one of your interests and talk some with others learning the same topic or skill. Get in a choir or take music lessons. Some churches have music school and sport activities.
- Online friends exist in a gray area. They're "real" a lot of the time, but our interactions online are much different than our up close, mano-a-mano interactions. Try to balance your time socializing online with at least as much, if not more, face-to-face interactions.
2
Be happier by not hanging around people who act out in negative, too wild or crazy ways. Having a pessimistic, excitable, or silly friend is fine, but if being around them makes you uncomfortable, consider whether you should keep them as a friend. They may get themselves and you into unwanted difficulties and disgrace, so to speak. Avoid getting closer or hooked up with hateful, troubled, mean, destructive or violent persons.
- If you're good at something, offer up your help to those who may need it. When asked for, give your opinion or assistance.
- Don't go looking for trouble; let it come to you (and try to stay out of it).
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3
Pay attention to the body language of others. When you're around people, keep an eye out for any clues they might give regarding how to behave 'normally' in situations.
- Mirror the behavior of others, if it makes you comfortable. When you're in the library and everyone looks very studious, quiet, and absorbed in their work, it's probably not the best time to start cutting up and trying to make jokes. If everyone's dancing at a school dance, it might be normal to dance, but you don't have to. It's normal to feel both ways.
- If your neighbor at the lunch table keeps trying to make eye contact and smiles continuously at you, it's probably a good time for a conversation, if you feel open. Try being friendly. Available communicating people often have open posture – shoulders back, head up, not too relaxed. Relaxing but not acting open may be about, instead, acting tired, sleepy, angry, shy or grumpy. Arms and legs crossed may be a sign that they are satisfied to sit alone, not looking to be friendly. Learn to recognize and not act that way in your own interactions.
- If people are uncommunicative or closed off to you – head down, arms crossed – they probably don't want to talk. If you press the issue, it's possible that you might make them feel uncomfortable. Learn to recognize this and disengage from the conversation or interaction. Give them some space.
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Be a good listener and wait for your turn to speak. When you're talking with someone, or with a group of people, try to balance listening and talking in equal measure. You don't have to be the one to contribute the most if you want to be noticed – it's just as important to be an active listener. Look at the person who's talking, nod your head to show that you're listening, and really listen to what is being said.^{[2]
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- Stay on topic. If everyone in a group is going around telling stories about their weekend, tell a story about your weekend, if you have one. It would be kind of strange to break the spirit of the moment: "I had to watch my dad eat pickled herring. He eats weird stuff all the time." Hopefully, that's not really about your weekend! Don't hijack a conversation and take it elsewhere, or else, expect groans and protests at your [sense of humor] breaking the line of thought - unless it's time to change the topic!
- Listening doesn't mean looking across the room or thinking of what you're going to say until a moment of silence appears in a conversation for you to fill. However, listening means actively receiving and responding to what the other is saying nicely, not just trying to think of what you're going to say next to top that bit. Accept the others' points as worthwhile - even if you've heard it already. Then without a yawn or cut-down say, "Hey, yeah, [excellent point/that's true] - but have you ever [been to/done this] ___..."^{[3]
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5
Draw your personal boundaries. A teenager is an individual who wants to be seen as mature and experienced as one's peers. Due to this (while you strive to become the best you), it can often be tempting to get pushed or pulled into things you might not be ready for, or even interested in. Smoking, drinking, experimenting with the thrills of asking for dates, actually going on dates (when parents permit), holding hands, hugging, kissing and deciding your approach to love, expressing your new found state of being a teen... Balancing all these aspects is what normal teenagers confront in their everyday lives. While there's not just one "set" way to approach each of these aspects, what you should know is that it's your decision - to stand for your values, beliefs and to accept your responsibility to understand the consequences of conduct and behavior in close relationships. It's your life. Make your choices - the right ones - to draw your best boundaries close to your "heart".
- The closer you set your daily life boundaries to your present norms and accepted "truths"(where you're coming from), the sooner you can be well adjusted in your way. You'll be able to avoid other way-out freaky or boring stuff and be able to expand and extend your near-boundaries, launching out near your everyday "unusual-stuff". "Keep it real! Keep it simple!" is easier than going off track or out into the far off unknown.
- Wanting to fit in is normal, and it's true that engaging in risky behaviors seems like a way to fit in and get people to "respect" you, but why would you compromise your personality and beliefs? If you're not being yourself, it's not you they're respecting, or even noticing.
- Keep it cool: Another good boundary to keep in mind is secrecy. It's okay to keep some things to yourself. It's almost too easy to put every event, success and failure, every frustration, anger and joy, up on Facebook as a status update. Does it all really need to be there for everyone to see and "dis" you? You give the answer.
6
Make your room an awesome sanctuary. For a teenager, there's nothing more critical than having a space all to your own. Make your room as unique as you are, filled with posters or candles, records or drawings. Fill it with yourself. Paint it whatever color you want and fill it with things you like to look at. Take some time thinking about what would make the ideal room and get permission to make it that way.
- If you don't have your own room, find somewhere you feel comfortable that you can spend time in. Take a walk out into the yard or the woods; find a great sitting park bench, or find a table by a window that you love at the library, or spend time in a friend's basement den. Try to find somewhere quiet and available to you where you can find peace.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

How to Look Normal

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Wear clean clothes that fit you properly. There's no normal type of clothes to wear. Styles change all the time and it can be very difficult to keep up. Wear whatever is comfortable and affordable for you, but make sure the clothes are as flattering as possible.
- Skinny jeans and crop tops may be in, but just because they're popular or "normal" doesn't mean they're necessarily right for your body type. Wear clothes that will flatter your figure and feel comfortable, not something that will leave you feeling unconfident or exposed. Don't be a wannabe.
- Don't be afraid to have your own style. If you think throwback basketball jerseys and athletic shorts are cool, you're in good company. If you think rugby shirts and khaki pants look good, you're in safe waters. The important normal constant is that whatever you wear is clean and form-fitting.^{[4]
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2
Learn some about contemporary fashion. It's a good idea to pay attention to what other kids are wearing, not because you must conform and wear the same thing, but so you can at least have some concept of the average dress wear. Then, if you choose to go in another direction, you'll be aware of what you're doing and not end up wearing plaid grandpa pants and golfing shoes to school because you think it's normal.
- You don't have to go to expensive stores to dress normally. Box stores like Target, Walmart, and other outlets usually have sale items that are affordable and current. At thrift stores, try to find the newest cleanest clothes available that are in your size.
- In middle school especially, it can seem that all anyone cares about is getting the next "must have" clothes trend which are usually expensive and will be forgotten in another six months anyway.
3
Groom yourself. If you want to look normal, you don't have to do anything fancy with your grooming, however, a little effort will go a long way. Keep yourself clean and well-kept and your confidence will be higher knowing that you're looking your best.^{[5]
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- Brush your teeth and floss. Your smile will be friendly and picture-ready with proper dental care. Having healthy teeth can up your confidence significantly.
- Take a shower at least every other day, and every day that you exercise. Wash your hair with shampoo and clean your body with soap.
- Keep your nails neatly clipped and clean. Normal girls and boys also enjoy painting fingernails sometimes, which is perfectly appropriate if you want. try to keep the paint fresh, and remove it when it starts becoming chipped.
- Talk to your parents about when it's appropriate to start wearing make-up, if you want to. Use a small amount of natural coloring to highlight your beauty, if you choose to.
4
Style your hair and keep it clean. Your hair is just as important as any other part of your body: it takes some work to keep it healthy and clean. Your hair should be washed at least every 2-3 days to keep it strong and lustrous. Both boys and girls should comb their hair regularly to keep it untangled and healthy.
- If you use products, don't go overboard. A little mousse, gel, or hairspray can go a long way. You don't want a crispy frosted flat-top like it's 1996. Aim for a natural look that highlights your normal hair.
- Experiment with new haircuts, going for a buzz or growing it out like a rocker if you want. Being a teenager is the one time you can experiment with your personality and your identity.
5
Take care of your body. When you're young, it seems like you're invincible. You can eat like there's no tomorrow, stay out all night and go through your day like it's nothing, and recover from injuries super-fast. Unfortunately, it won't last. It's important to build the good habits that will ensure your health throughout your teenage years and further on too.
- Pay attention to what and how much you're eating. Most teenagers have crazy-high metabolisms due to growth spurts, meaning that you'll be able to eat lots and lots of high-calorie food without gaining extra weight, especially if you're physically active and play sports. When that high metabolism ends, though, or you stop playing sports, it's possible to suddenly gain lots of weight. It's important to develop a love of physical activity early on, so you can build the good habits that will keep you healthy in the long run.^{[6]
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- You don't have to be "one of the jocks" to enjoy exercise. If you love basketball but don't want to play on the team, go to the park and shoot hoops. Who cares if you miss more than you make? If you don't love playing any competitive sports, try out hiking around the woods and getting into nature, or see if you don't enjoy rock climbing or other solo adventures.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

How to Practice Being Normal

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Find hobbies that help you relax. As a teen, you should have hobbies and interests to keep you occupied and engaged. School probably won't cut it. try to find extracurricular hobbies that will let you blow off some steam and find enjoyment. Some kind of extracurricular activity can be a great way of meeting other kids your age and socializing without having to meet people yourself.
- Many teenagers take sports very seriously. Find out what team sports are offered at your school and consider trying out for the team. If you don't like any of the sports offered, tennis lessons, golf lessons, or other individualized sports might be more appropriate for you. Heck, check out learning how to fence.
- Check out clubs at school. Sports aren't even close to being the only way to socialize at school. Foreign language clubs, chess clubs, art clubs, ecology clubs, and all sorts of organizations are available to students for fun and learning outside of school. If you don't like any of the clubs at your school, check out after-school programs at the YMCA, or other youth center in your town, or check out a youth group at a church.^{[7]
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- Try playing music. Whether in marching band, concert band or by starting your own garage band, music can be a great outlet for teenagers. Studies show that teens who study music learn more efficiently and have a great amount of fun and camaraderie playing.
2
Broaden your worldview. As you get older, it's important to learn as much as you can about other people and learn to exercise your empathy skills. A child thinks only of themselves, and an adult is able to think more selflessly, but a teenager is somewhere in the middle. It can be tough.
- Mission trips and exchange programs can be excellent and effective experiences for many teenagers if such opportunities are available. Likewise, getting a part-time job and learning to work for your keep is an important growing-up step that you can learn in the summer time, or on the weekends after school.
- Read as much as you can, about as much diverse topics that you can. Travel from the comfort of a chair by checking out novels, travelogues, sci-fi, fantasy, whatever you like reading. Read some things that are challenging and some things that are easy. Read all the time. Read everything.
3
Try out different ways to express yourself. Being a teen is a time of experimenting, trying on new identities until you learn which one fits you the best. In a given year, you might switch back and forth between thinking you want to be a doctor and loving your position on the soccer team to wanting nothing but to write poetry and hang out with painters and paint your fingernails black. That's ok! That's normal!
- Try out being an art kid. Take some art classes and learn the fundamentals to see you if you'd like to spend your days in the studio, creating strange masterpieces.
- Try out the exciting world of mystery. Lots of teenagers take solace in the dark clothes and powerful vibes of a mysterious person. While it might seem "weird," it's pretty normal.
- Embrace your inner athlete. Jocks don't have to be the villains from high school drama movies. Be a well-adjusted athlete who takes sporting seriously. Make it your "thing."
4
Find like-minded people. Find a community of people you like and people who are like you and get to know them well. Hang out in school and outside of school. Support each other and lift each other up.
- Emphasize forging a few strong relationships over lots of meaningless ones. It's not worth having 800 Facebook friends if you can't talk to any of them in real life.
- Alternatively, it's also a good idea to meet lots of people who you don't necessarily have a lot in common with. If you're a sporty athlete, hang out with some of the art kids every now and then to see what you have in common. try to make all sorts of different friends.
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Make room in your life for school and work. Having fun is important, but taking your responsibilities seriously is just as important a part of growing up. Save enough time in your busy teenage schedule to complete your schoolwork and work as hard as possible at doing well. Even if you think you're sure what you want to do in life, and that plan doesn't involve algebra-trigonometry, give it your best shot. You never know how you might regret blowing off that welding class, or zoning out during sewing down the road.
- Make sure you take excellent notes. Notes force you to pay attention, improve your memory and provide you with a helpful study guide.
- Do your homework. Don't slack off on it, because believe it or not, it really does help you learn. Pay attention in class and ask questions to stay engaged. Respect your teachers and try to make the best of it.
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Give some thought to the future. Where do you want to be in ten years? In twenty? What do you want to do with your life? Tough questions for anybody, and uncomfortable questions for most, especially teenagers. But it's something you're going to have to struggle with. The more you struggle with it, the better you'll prepare yourself for your teenage years, and the more normal you'll be. It's something everyone struggles with before transitioning into adulthood.
- If you want to go to college, start researching affordable places you might attend that seem to be full of people like you, or places that offer the kinds of specialties you'd like to study. Many teens who struggle to make friends or fit in during high school really come into stride during college.
- It's also normal and perfectly fine to have no idea what you want to do with your life. Don't worry about it too much. That's perfectly normal. When people ask, tell them that you're just trying to get through your teens first.

Warnings

Don't do anything you feel uncomfortable doing. If you find yourself being pressured to do something that gives you an uneasy feeling in your stomach, opt out or sneak away. Regrets are no fun, even for teenagers.

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The definition of normal is relative. Please be conscious about cultural differences.

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Don't spend all of your free time cooped up in your room on social networking sites or video games. Go outside and get some fresh air and exercise.

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