For the hopelessly single, finding the ideal mate seems like a daunting, impossible task. However, the truth about finding an ideal mate is actually very simple – it's simply that many people just don't know where to look or how to begin. If you're keen to get out of singledom and into a loving relationship, this article's geared at helping you work out how to get started on your search.

Steps

  1. 1
    Figure out your own mind first. The first step to finding your ideal mate is a paper and a pen. No, you're not going to write a personal ad. What you are going to do is list your traits and the traits you desire in a mate. Included in this list should be: your personality traits and those of a desired mate, your physical traits, and the desired physical traits your mate will have, as well as interests and hobbies, religion and beliefs (both yours and if your mate must be the same religion or hold a similar belief system or lack thereof), desire for children and your willingness to accept another's children, your communication style, etc. You may want to draw on the help of your friends for the personality portion, as well as your past relationships. If you take a look over this, it'll be easier for you to recognize what personality types you got along with the best.
  2. 2
    Turn the list into a profile of what kind of mate you're looking for. This is a skeleton of a person. It should not be a list of demands, but rather a basic outline of the soul you're looking for. The list needs to be realistic and prioritized.
    Advertisement
  3. 3
    Be aware of what other people tend to look for in a mate. Since there are numerous studies on what men and women look for in a mate, make use of them so that you can understand what others are looking for. This can allow you to emphasize your strengths in whichever area, to signal clearly that you've got the interesting traits, beliefs, or do the activities that your potential mate is looking for. Some of the most popular things men and women look for in one another are:
  4. 4
    Love yourself and your body. This is hot tip of the century; your ideal mate is going to be the person that loves you as you are and sees that you do too. If you cannot come to terms with this reality, then some confidence-building is in order and the mentality of wanting to fall in line with whatever your date says has to go out the window. Things to bear in mind to help you on your quest for the ideal mate include:
  5. 5
    Start looking. Find social groups and events where your mate might spend time, and where there are likely to be plenty of conversations with each of the people involved. It's very important that you put yourself where you're likely to find your ideal mate instead of hoping that that person is the next one to sit down on the bar stool beside yours. The best places to look for your ideal mate are at places where you enjoy spending time, as it's likely that this first shared interest will get things started. Places to spend time looking for your ideal mate include:
  6. 6
    Don't be too picky up front. You're not configuring a laptop--you and your future mate are both looking for (or at least open to) someone to get to know and make happy. Get to know lots of people in various contexts casually, with a view to a few core attributes and broadly compatible personalities.[4] Keep an open mind to the little details that you and that special someone can improve or compromise on and not worry about later.
  7. 7
    Make a good first impression. Dress and present yourself well when you start flirting and dating. People do make judgments based on initial appearances and it might be the only chance you get to make a difference. Good grooming, pleasant manners, and making the most of yourself are important aspects of maintaining your attractiveness.
  8. 8
    Don't rush things and give the relationship plenty of time to unfold. When you find someone who seems to fit the profile, take a deep breath and go slowly! Spend a lot of time talking, listening, and seeing different aspects of this person you care about. Of course, you want there to be attraction, but you want to get to know this person as well. And you want to see how you interact in a range of situations, such as at leisure, during stressful periods, being around family, and in professional situations.
  9. 9
    Make sure you tell someone that you're looking for a long-term relationship from the onset. The worst thing you could do to yourself is fall in love with someone who hits the road three months later because they're not ready to settle down. You should tell someone you are looking for a relationship after the first few dates (it's a bit desperate to discuss this on the first date!), or as soon as you know you're interested in this person. Don't be in a rush to commit; just make sure you're both on the same page. Let them know that's all you're doing. And bear in mind that you need to use your common sense when sounding out commitment issues; after all, nobody wants to discuss marriage on the second date!
  10. 10
    Do some reality checking as you get to know your date better. As the relationship evolves and you're becoming closer, how do you know that this person is "the one"? Love can leave you giddy and can lead you to overlook the "little things" that can actually be rather big things once you try spending your life together. Things to find out before you're ready to declare this person your "ideal mate" include:
  11. 11
    Don't settle for less than ideal! If you discover this is not the right person for you, don't hang on to them or convince yourself it'll get better or you're being too picky. You know what you want in a mate (you've already listed it above). You'll find it too. And when you do, it will be great! But on the other hand, don't be a perfectionist and demand impossibly high standards of the other person. Try to appreciate quirks but not settle for someone you will not be happy with.
  12. Advertisement

References

  1. Katia Loisel-Furey and Paul Morris Segal, How to get the woman you want, p.195, (2008), ISBN 0-9805519-0-0
  2. Katia Loisel-Furey and Paul Morris Segal, How to get the man you want, p.29, (2008), ISBN 0-9805519-0-0
  3. Katia Loisel-Furey and Paul Morris Segal, How to get the man you want, p. 51, (2008), ISBN 0-9805519-0-0
  4. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dovetailing_%28computer_science%29
  5. http://improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume8/v8i3/AIR_8-3-why-never-girlfriend.pdf
  6. http://www.cs.ubc.ca/~poole/aibook/html/ArtInt_53.html
Advertisement