How to Keep Your Friend from Driving Drunk

Take action early. Don’t wait until the end of the night when your friend might be tired and belligerent enough not to listen to you.^[1] If you can tell that your friend is well on his way to drunkenness and characteristically fails to see that he needs to relinquish his keys, act early on so that you don't make a scene or cause unnecessary conflict.

• The worst thing that could happen is that you were a bit too cautious and end up returning the keys with a laugh to your now-sober buddy.

Tell your friend not to drive anywhere. You may need to be more assertive than you're used to, and even handle accusations that you're spoiling the fun or trying to be controlling. Be prepared to be talked back to, and don't take rude charges personally. Remembering that it's the alcohol talking, stay polite and calm. Tell your friend that you care about him and that this is why you must try to prevent him from creating a situation where he or others are in harm's way.

• Always refuse to get in the car with your friend. This can be another gesture to show him that you are serious about not trusting his ability to operate a vehicle.^[2]
• If the situation allows for it, pepper your talk with some jokes or light comments. While firmly maintaining that he not drive, you can still say things like "Man, we'll be talking about this night for a long time!" or "Good thing I'm just as stubborn about this as you are!" This will make you sound a little less insistent and parental.
• If there is someone else around who is a closer friend to your buddy than you are, inform them of the possible danger. Your friend might listen better to someone who he is more comfortable with or has known for a longer time.

Be firm. You may not be sure whether or not you are getting through to your friend, but it is important to stick by your warning. Ask your friend to repeat back to you what you said to make sure that they have a minimal grasp on what's going on. For example, "I am asking that you not get in the car right now, and we are willing to help you make other transportation arrangements. Do you understand?" If your friend tries to shrug off your concern, don't let up--keep giving any arguments or reasons you can come up with to convince him not to get in the car.

• Speak softly and calmly to punctuate to give your firm warning a smooth, clear delivery.
• Steer clear from saying anything embarrassing or belittling to avoid drama and possible physical conflict. For example, don't say "it's such a drag that you can never hold your liquor". Instead try something like "we all want to see you leaving this party safely".
• Resist your friend’s alternative suggestions, like drinking some coffee or taking a cold shower first. These methods don’t work to get alcohol out of your system.
  • If these options are discussed, remind you friend that even if these make him feel confident enough to drive, he could still get a DUI just because of the amount of alcohol still in his system.

Remember who you’re talking to. Because the friend you’re trying to convince is in fact inebriated, make sure that you speak slowly and explain things very clearly. Try to do this while also avoiding sounding too condescending. If he feels talked down to, he may feel too proud to take your advice.

• Don't get swept up trying to make sure that your friend listens to and heeds everything you're saying. The point is not to be right or to get your way, but to prevent drunk driving by any means, with as little conflict as possible.
• Instead of making assumptions, as in the argument, "Come on, man, you know the law..." say something like "You know, driving when you've had so much to drink is illegal and could get you in serious trouble. Even if it seems like you're driving fine, the cops set up road blocks on heavy party nights. The cops could give you a breathalyzer test when they see your eyes or smell your breath. You could get a DUI, get your car towed away, and lose your license. Then you're looking at penalties and jail time even for the first offense. It's not worth it, man."

Lay your feelings on the line. Sometimes the best way to get through to someone who's very drunk is simply to have one of those soul-bearing talks. Sit your friend down and show that you intend to say something very important. Tell him as sincerely as possible how much you care about him and how special he is to you.

• Let him know that it would destroy you to know that you could have prevented a major accident, and this is your best shot. Express your love and concern, pulling from a real place of worry for your friend.
• Say something sincere, like "Look, buddy, we've been friends for a long time and I've grown to care about you too much to see you hurt yourself."

Get support from others. Sometimes convincing your friend alone just isn't going to happen, and providing a strong coalition of sober people might help persuade him not to drive. This way, even if you can't get your friend to see reason, there will be enough people committed to the cause to make sure that he is restrained somehow. However, force should only be used as a last-ditch measure.

• Be polite and honest when seeking the help of others. To avoid drama and embarrassing your inebriated friend, make sure to give a clear, unbiased account of what's going on. Explain that you are concerned for his safety and would like help making sure that he doesn't injure himself or others by trying to drive home.
• Stay calm, but let whoever you ask for help know that you will see that drunk driving does not happen with or without the help that you are asking for.