How to Stop Crushing over an Actor

Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Last Updated: February 2, 2023

Crushing and obsessing over an actor from film, TV, or stage can be a horrible place to be. You think that you know everything about this actor and yet they know nothing about you and you are likely to never meet them. Moreover, what you know is actually based on the character and what's in the gossip columns, and it isn't real information. Curtailing that obsession and getting over that actor may feel tough but it's for the best.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Removing the actor from your sight and hearing

1
Stop watching films or TV shows that this actor is in. Even if it is your absolute favorite movie or TV show, give it a wide berth for a while. If you get to the stage where you feel guilty about not watching it, this is when you know your obsession is out of hand! Hide their films away at least for a while.
- If you see this actor in theater, stop going to the theater shows until you're over this actor.
2
Delete photos of this actor from your phone. This can be hard, especially if you spent all that time gathering pictures of the actors to use as your wallpaper. However, it's best to delete them, as this will stop that connection and you won't see the actor's face every time you turn on your phone.

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3
Take down posters of the actor. You do not have to take them down for good, just until you stop obsessing over them, that way when you put it back up you can appreciate them as an actor not your 'future husband/wife'.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Getting a reality check on the actor

1
Look up bad critics of the actor. Okay, so the advantage of a crush on an actor is that you can find out lots about this person by just a click of a button. It might help therefore to read a bad film critic or some bad comments about this actor, then use this negativity to get over him/her!
2
If you follow the actor on Twitter, unfollow now! Or, avoid Twitter for a while. If you are at the obsessing stage and have tried to make contact with them, it's now time to stop. It is likely the actor will not reply and if they do, it will be out of sympathy or a routine message sent from their minders or their book of "fan messages".

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Dealing with your fantasizing

1
Understand that you cannot love somebody you do not know. So sure you may have seen their interviews, read all about them, seen all their tweets, watched all their movies, but this does not mean you know everything about them. The only things you know about them are the public things you do not truly know them. What you are doing is fantasizing and filling in the gaps to suit yourself, imagining the ideal person without knowing the reality. That is super unhealthy and can cause you to do the same thing to real people you do know if you don't take care.
2
Keep telling yourself that you don't have a chance with the actor. It may sound harsh but the majority of the time they have wives/husbands, families or boyfriends/girlfriends. So, no matter what you tell yourself, they are not going to up sticks and leave that behind because of a tweet you sent them.
3
Avoid substituting the actor's last name as your last name. For example, if you fancied Johnny Depp, you need to avoid writing Mrs Depp everywhere!
4
Be aware of how this obsession is eating into your real life. If you are too busy obsessing over an actor, it may affect your real life. Wondering why you haven't got a boyfriend/girlfriend? Perhaps its because you are too busy crushing over your actor crush to open your eyes to the real world. Maybe nobody can measure up to this fantasy image of a person you've created in your head––if that's the case, it really is time to come back down to earth.

Expert Q&A

Question

What are some other methods to get over an obsession?

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Practice mindfulness meditation every day for a minimum of 15-20 minutes. Recognize when obsessive thinking is happening and redirect your focus instead on the activity you are engaging in at the present moment. Remember your motivation for letting go of obsessive thinking. For instance, it stops you from being present or enjoying the moment and causes distress and wastes time. The more you engage in obsessive thinking, the stronger it grows. Try to be active and create a nice flow to your day, doing things you enjoy that are engaging so you can get out of your head and into your life.

Warnings

Don't get too obsessive and start revolving your life around them.

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Do not be too hasty and start throwing films away. Crushes always pass over time and so you will be able to go back to films with them in and just laugh about it.

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