How to Win Back Friends After Offending Them

Last Updated: February 27, 2023 References

If you have done something to hurt your friend, accidentally or on purpose, don't worry. It is not too late to make things right and have your friendship be as great as it was before.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Gaining an Understanding

1
Understand what you have done to make your friend upset. Whatever you did may have been a small deal to you, but it might have been a big deal for her. Try to put yourself in her shoes. How would you react if someone did to you what you did to her? This is essential for rebuilding your relationship.
2
Talk to your friend. Do not contact her by text or email if it is avoidable. Telephone is acceptable in certain circumstances, but face to face interaction is best. When you are talking to her, explain how you feel and what you think you two should do about the situation.
- Remember to maintain eye contact the whole time if you are talking to your friend face to face.
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3
Be patient. Remember people may need time to get over certain events which may have transpired. If this is the case, do not push it. Just exercise patience and respect your friend's space.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Apologizing

1
Think before you speak. If you are not careful and don't watch what you say, the hurt can be worse than the initial one. At the same time, don't plan too much. What you need to say to your friend can't be a speech; it has to be a sincere collection of your thoughts and feelings.
2
Be ready to talk it out. Communication is key. Use this situation to not only let your friend know how much you care, but also get her side of the story so this doesn't happen again.^{[1]
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3
Remain emotionally calm. No one wins by being irrational. Keeping a level head will prevent you from saying things that you don't mean.
4
Apologize sincerely. It is important to express how sorry you are, and your willingness to do whatever it takes to prevent this situation from happening again.^{[2]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Rebuilding the Friendship

1
Leave the past in the past. After you apologize and your friend accepts it, it is important that BOTH of you move on. Constantly re-hashing old feelings will only create more arguments.^{[3]
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2
Focus on doing the things that both of you love. It is important to get back to having fun. You and this person were friends for a reason, so don't lose sight of that.
3
Go slow. Sometimes after a big fight, you may have to regain your friend's trust again. Put yourself in her shoes, and that will help you deal with this situation.^{[4]
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4
Spend time focusing on some of your friend's interests. This will show your friend that you really care and that you are committed to making this friendship work.^{[5]
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Community Q&A

Question

What if I send her a gift?

Community Answer

You can do that, but you should also send a note with a heartfelt apology. Make it clear that you understand that the gift will not fix everything and you're not trying to bribe her into being your friend again.
Question

What if I accidentally hurt my friend's feelings when I don't think I did anything wrong?

Community Answer

Ask what you did wrong and try to fix it by correcting whatever the perceived slight was.
Question

How do I get a friend?

Community Answer

Start being nice to that person, and ask them if they would like to hang out with you some time in the future.