How to Ask the Same Girl Out After a Break Up (Teens)

Last Updated: January 1, 2022 References

After breaking up with your girlfriend, you may discover that you still have feelings for her. Perhaps you feel that ending the relationship was a mistake. Maybe circumstances in your lives have changed, and you want to give things another shot. Whether your break up was one-sided or mutual, it's possible to win her back with patience, kindness and honesty.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Approaching Her Again

1
Do not expect that she still likes you. While it is painful to accept, your girlfriend may have moved on since your break-up. Before approaching her again, keep in mind that she may not want to get back together with you. If she rejects you, don't take it personally.^{[1]
X
Research source} Maybe there was a reason why you broke up in the first place.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.}
2
Send her a text. Calling her might feel too forward, so ease in with a text. Let her know you are thinking about her. Maybe you heard a song that reminds you of her? Or, you re-watched movie that you two had seen together. Keep it light and friendly, and ask her how she's doing.^{[3]
X
Research source} You might say something like, "Hey! I was walking in the mall and I heard our favorite song... it made me think of you. How are things?"
- If she doesn't text back right away, don't despair. She might just be thinking of the right thing to say.
- If you can, try to regularly keep in touch with her.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Michele Fields
  Matchmaker & Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 August 2021.}
Advertisement
3
Ask her to spend time together as friends. If she responds positively, consider asking her out to a social event as friends. You could invite her to a school basketball game, or to eat lunch together in the cafeteria. See her in a public setting with other friends so she feels more comfortable.^{[5]
X
Research source}
4
Show her that you care about her. Make a list of your girlfriend's favorite things and activities. Does she have a favorite musician that is playing an upcoming concert? You could find tickets and surprise her with them. Or, if she just got her driver's license, you could find a cool key chain that is relevant to one of her hobbies (like a tennis ball key chain if she plays tennis).^{[6]
X
Research source} However, you don't have to spend money to show that you care. If she told you she has a test coming up, call or text her afterwards and ask how it went. Offer support if she's feeling anxious. Simply being thoughtful and listening will show that you want to be involved in her life.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Having an Honest Conversation

1
Plan what you want to say in advance. Think about the circumstances that ended your relationship.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.} Did you have a fight? Did one of you cheat? Why do you want to give things a second chance? Knowing exactly may help convince her to go out with you again. ^{[8]
X
Trustworthy Source
TeensHealth
Website run by Nemours, a nonprofit children's healthcare system, for the purpose of providing teens and young adults with specific health resources
Go to source} Writing down your thoughts may help you determine what, exactly, you want to say.
2
Ask to see her alone. Don't try to have this kind of conversation over text or the phone, even if you've become close friends again. Invite her to dinner or for a walk in the park. Find a place that's quiet so you can be alone together.^{[9]
X
Research source}
3
Explain that you still have feelings for her. Mention specific activities you enjoyed doing together, and tell her you miss doing those things together. Be honest about your feelings and the qualities about her that you like and respect about her.^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source
TeensHealth
Website run by Nemours, a nonprofit children's healthcare system, for the purpose of providing teens and young adults with specific health resources
Go to source}^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Michele Fields
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 August 2021.} You could say something like, "I really miss studying together -- you're so smart and always have interesting opinions about the material we're learning."
- You could try reminding her of all the good times you had in your relationship.^{[12]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Michele Fields
  Matchmaker & Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 August 2021.}
4
Tell her why this time will be different. If she was upset about your break-up, she may ask, "Why should we get back together? How will this time be different?" Point out things about yourself that have changed -- perhaps you feel more mature and ready for a relationship? Maybe you broke up because you were stressed with final papers and exams.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- For example, you might say something like "I was really overwhelmed by final exams and needed to be alone, but our time apart made me realize how much I miss having you in my life."
5
Let her talk. Give her the chance now to say how she feels. If she was upset about your break-up, she may need more time to feel ready to trust you again. It's possible she no longer has feelings for you, or she wants to stay friends. She might also have a new crush, or a new boyfriend. Respect what she says. Try to stay calm if you don't get the answer you want.^{[14]
X
Research source}
6
Accept her answer. If she wants to get back together, great! Think of this as a fresh start to your relationship. That way, you'll avoid making the same mistakes you did the first time you dated.^{[15]
X
Expert Source

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.} If she says no or isn't sure, give her time. She still might change her mind, but needs time to process her feelings. It's okay to feel sad during this time. Facing rejection is not easy.
- Take things slow. You've likely both changed since you were together. Take the time to get to know each other again.^{[16]
  X
  Research source}

Conversation Help

Ways to Ask the Same Girl Out after a Break Up

Expert Q&A

Question

Should I try to win my ex back?

Michele Fields
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Michele Fields is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Owner of Bon Jour Matchmaking based in Denver, Colorado. With over thirty years of experience, she specializes in helping others meet people and navigate dating and relationships. Michele has created over 300 marriages and has been featured on Denver ABC News, The Rocky Mountain News, Colorado 2 News, Denver Westworld, and The Denver Post.

Michele Fields

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

That depends a lot on WHY the relationship ended. If no one cheated and there was no abuse but you grew apart, you should try to know how she feels about the relationship ending and how the new one is going. Move slowly.
Question

What should I do to get over my ex?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try to take ownership of how you might have contributed to the break-up. Think about it and maybe work on it. Try to see the other person with compassion as they too are dealing with a break-up even though they might have been the one to prompt it.
Question

Is it a sign of weakness to acknowledge mistakes?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Acknowledging mistakes exhibits real strength and is a real sign of character. It paves the way to connect with people through honesty. It gives you a chance to make amends.