How to Attract a Christian Girl

Co-authored by Kate Dreyfus and Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: January 2, 2023 References Approved

As your Christian faith is an important part of your life, it's only natural that you'd want to date a girl who has the same values that you have. Even if you're not a Christian, you might still be attracted to the godly morals embodied by a Christian girl. While you can't control whether someone else is attracted to you, there are things you can do that might make a Christian girl like you, like living a clean life and courting her respectfully.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Being a Good Match for Her

1
Put God first in your life. If you want to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship with a girl who's a Christian, it helps to have similar priorities. Spend some time reflecting on God's role in your life and try to find ways to strengthen your relationship with Him. For instance, you might start each day with a 15-minute devotion where you read your Bible and pray.^{[1]
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- Being active in your church can help you become closer to God, and it also provides you with the opportunity to be mentored by older Christians who've been in your shoes before.
- As your relationship with God develops, you might also find yourself feeling led to avoid situations where you might be tempted to sin, like a party where you know there will be drinking, or doing something you'll have to lie to your parents about.
2
Work hard to be responsible and stable. Whether you're still in school or you're an adult with an established career, it's important to be dependable if you want to attract a Christian girl. Most Christian girls don't want to date frivolously—they often want to know that their partner is someone they can eventually marry. Go to work or school every day and try hard to do your best.^{[2]
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- If you do this, over time, you'll build a well-respected reputation that will show a girl that she can trust you to do your part in providing for a household.
Tip: You don't have to worry about making all the money in the world. It's more important that she knows she can count on you not to quit your job on a whim or be irresponsible with the money you do have.

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3
Try to live in a virtuous way. Having strong values is an important part of Christianity, so if you want a Christian girl to like you, do your best to embody the virtues described in the Bible. If you notice that there's an area of your life where you're struggling, like you often find yourself feeling impatient or suspicious, pray that God will help you overcome that. Whenever you find yourself dealing with those feelings, say a prayer and remind yourself that it's more important to be virtuous than to give in to temporary emotions.^{[3]
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- For instance, you might read and reflect on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which says: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
4
Convey confidence with your body language. If you want a girl to like you, try to project an air of confidence by standing up straight, making eye contact when you talk to others, and being friendly and open with others. This will automatically make you seem more self-assured, even if you don't necessarily feel that way.^{[4]
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- Remember, confidence is a good thing, but arrogance isn't. When you're around a girl you like, try to listen to her more than you talk about yourself so you don't seem self-absorbed.
5
Decide whether you're ready for commitment before you pursue her. As a Christian, it's important to be intentional about dating—the idea is to find the person God has chosen as your future spouse. You don't necessarily have to marry someone just because the two of you date, but you should date with the idea that you might eventually marry that person if you're compatible.^{[5]
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- If you're not sure you're ready for that level of commitment, be very clear about that from the start, but don't be surprised if she isn't interested in dating casually.
6
Follow God's calling for your life. To be a truly good partner for someone else, you need to be deeply satisfied with your own life. In order to do this, you need to listen for God's directions about His path for your life. He might give you this direction by giving you a passion for a certain profession, or you might feel called to serve Him as a member of the clergy, for instance.^{[6]
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- The way God speaks is unique for each person, but listen to your heart, pray, and read your Bible for insight into learning God's direction for you.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Courting Her Respectfully

1
Make small talk when you see the girl you like. Even if you're shy, try to strike up a conversation when you see the girl you want to attract. Chances are, she'll be more attracted to you once she gets to know you, and she won't have a chance to do that if you never speak up.^{[7]
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- If you only see her at church on Sundays, for example, you might say something like, "Hey Hannah, how was your week?"
- Try to sit or stand near her when you get the chance so you'll have more opportunities to talk.
- Over time, build up to longer conversations by asking her about her interests, hobbies, and friends. Show the girl that you are genuinely interested in what she loves and want to learn more about it. This will make her feel that you care about her.
Tip: Not only is this a chance for her to notice you, but it's also a good opportunity to get to know her better. Pay attention to how she talks and acts to learn more about her character, like whether she's a good listener or a kind person.
2
Pay attention to nonverbal cues to tell if she's romantically interested in you. Even if you have regular conversations with the girl you like, don't just assume because she talks to you that she's interested in dating you. However, you can pay attention to how she acts around you to get an idea of how she feels.^{[8]
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- For instance, if she makes eye contact with you when you're talking, or if she always smiles or blushes when she sees you, she might be interested.
- She might also play with her hair, lean toward you when you're talking, or soften her expression around you if she likes you.
- If she doesn't seem interested, she may not be the girl God has chosen for you. However, she may just not know you well enough. Keep making efforts to chat with her when you cross paths until you have a better idea of how she feels about you.
3
Ask her to spend time with you as part of a group at first. If you think the girl you like might be interested in you too, invite her to hang out with you and a few other friends. That will show her that you have a genuine interest in getting to know her, and it's fine if you start out just as friends.^{[9]
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- For example, you might say something like, "Hey Kyla, I heard some of the kids from the youth group are going to a praise concert next weekend, and I was thinking of going. Do you want to come with me?"
- It's up to you whether you want to call this a date. If you want to take a little more time to get to know each other, it's okay to go as just friends. However, if you really like her and you want her to know it, you can tell her that, too.
- If you're ready to let her know how you feel about her, you might say, "Some of my friends are meeting for pizza tomorrow night. Do you want to go as my date?"
4
Don't be afraid to show her your authentic self. As the two of you get to know each other better, be willing to open up to her. You don't have to tell her everything about yourself all at once, but as you get more comfortable, share your emotions and some of the meaningful things that have happened in your life. That will help her feel more connected to you, and she'll be able to make an honest decision about whether you're a good match for her.^{[10]
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- When you're first getting to know a girl, for example, you might just tell her that you love to fish. As you get closer, though, you might reveal that your grandpa took you fishing when you were young, and now it's a way for you to remember him.
5
Ask her out when you're ready. While you shouldn't just rush into asking out the first pretty girl you see, you also shouldn't wait too long to tell her how you feel. Once you feel comfortable knowing that you really like this girl, let her know. The way you do this is up to you, but it's best to find a quiet time when the two of you are alone. Be straightforward, and don't be afraid to let her know what you think makes her special.
- For instance, you might say, "Rebecca, I love how true you are to your faith and the way you genuinely care about everyone. I'd really love to date you. Will you be my girlfriend?"
- If you're shy, try asking her through a text message or in a note.
6
Respect her answer if she says no. It can be hard to act in a godly way when you're feeling disappointed, but if you ask a girl out and she says no, remind yourself that it must not be part of God's plan right now. Try to put on a smile, tell her it's okay, and take some space if you need it while you process your emotions.^{[11]
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- You might say something like, "Okay, I understand. I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable. I just think you're really special, and I hope we can still be friends." Then, politely excuse yourself.
- No matter what, be proud of yourself! Asking someone out is really hard, and you should feel good that you were brave enough to do it.

Community Q&A

Question

I told her how I feel but her response is "we need to become better friends." What do I do?

Community Answer

Become better friends! She won't forget your feelings for her, and she will like it that you care for her enough not to press her. Remember, it wasn't a "no," just a "not yet."
Question

I have a thing for my church friend. I don't know what kind of guy she likes or about any of her interests. Every time I get the chance to ask, I never take it. What can I do?

Community Answer

Admitting an interest to a person is always awkward and embarrassing, and you have to take the risk of being accepted or turned down. You should just hang out some more to know her better. Ask her what she likes to do on weekends, or what activities she enjoys, or if she has a hobby. After knowing her better, then maybe you can ask her what kind of man she likes.
Question

There's this girl. She's my youth pastor's daughter. We both like each other. Would it be the right thing to ask her parents before I ask her out? And what do I say to her? I have a hard time expressing myself.

Lilly

Community Answer

It would be a nice idea to ask her parents first. Some parents would actually want to meet the person their child is dating and get to know them. For your second question, just be yourself when you talk to her. Do what comes naturally. It never hurts to pray to God for guidance!