How to Be Popular in Elementary School

Co-authored by Katie Styzek

Last Updated: September 3, 2021 References

To be popular means to have others admire and respect you. It’s a pretty great thing! To boost your own popularity, focus on finding common interests with other kids, being kind to everyone, and having great conversations. Don’t forget to stay true to yourself along the way, because you’re great just the way you are.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Making Friends

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Learn about what the kids at your school like to do. Watch the other kids and see what kind of TV shows, games, movies, and activities they enjoy. Then, try to participate in these activities yourself. This will give you something in common with other kids, which can help you build new friendships.^{[1]
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- If all the kids at your school are obsessed with a certain TV show, watch an episode or two. You might want to watch the whole thing!
- Maybe the kids at your school love a certain app. Download it and see if it’s any good.
- Give that book series that everyone is reading a try. Who knows--it might become your new favorite!
2
Be true to yourself. Yes, having common interests with other kids helps with popularity, but that doesn’t mean you need to change who you are. At the end of the day, you should always be yourself. Being confident and genuine can help attract friends that are just as fantastic as you are!
- If you’re a jokester, don’t be afraid to crack some hilarious jokes.
- If you’re a trendsetter, embrace it! Be a true leader, not a follower. Maybe you’ll introduce funky striped socks or scented highlighters to the class.
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Find a way to join in activities or games. When you see a group of kids having a grand old time playing on the jungle gym at recess, try to find a way to play, too. See if there are any roles you can fill or any awesome skills you can bring to the game.^{[2]
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- Does the group playing soccer need a goalie? That can be you!
- If you’re great at digging holes and you see a group trying to dig to China, offer your digging skills.
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Wear trendy clothes. See what the kids at your school like to wear, and pick similar clothes. Of course, you don’t need to become a complete follower. You can still put your personal spin on popular styles!^{[3]
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- If everyone loves graphic tees, ask a parent if you can buy a few. Be sure to pick ones in your favorite colors with designs that you love.
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Choose friends that are nice to you. Don’t waste your time trying to befriend kids that are probably going to ignore you. Instead, find people that enjoy your unique personality and make you feel special to have them.^{[4]
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- Some kids may be nice to you one second and mean to you the next. These kids are not really your 'best mates'. Don’t spend time trying to get on their good side.
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Join activities and clubs that interest you. This is a great way to get more involved in the community and meet other cool kids who share your interests!^{[5]
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Expert Source

Katie Styzek
Professional School Counselor
Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.} Making friends will probably be a little easier since you’ll have something in common from the get-go.^{[6]
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- For example, if you love drawing, consider joining your school’s art club. You can meet other kids that love art while creating some sweet paintings.
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Talk to a trusted adult if you’re having a hard time making friends. If you’re having trouble making friends, you’re not alone, and you’re not weird! Tons of kids have a hard time with this. However, if you’re feeling especially lonely or upset, talk to a trusted adult, like a parent or a school guidance counselor, to get a little extra support.^{[7]
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- You might be embarrassed to tell an adult that you’re having a tough time making friends, but they won’t judge you! Be honest and say something like, “I’m feeling kind of lonely lately. I think I need help making some new friends.”
- Remember—school counselors are there to help and support you!^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Katie Styzek
  Professional School Counselor
  Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Being Friendly

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Give friendly greetings. When you see people, say hello in a friendly voice and offer a smile! Make eye contact, too. A warm greeting shows other kids that you’re a positive, kind person.^{[9]
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- If you’re shy, you may mumble or look away when people greet you. This can make it seem like you’re uninterested, so do your best to give back the warmest greeting that you can.
- Try to use the person’s name when you greet them. It’ll make your greeting even friendlier.
2
Say nice things to others. Saying nice things to others can make you more likeable. However, don’t go overboard showering your classmates with praise. Make sure that you mean the nice things you say.^{[10]
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- If you notice that one of your classmates came to school with a really cool hairstyle, you could compliment them and tell them how you like it.
- If the art kid drew a super neat tree in art class, tell him how much you admire his art skills.
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Share with others. You’ve probably heard about the importance of sharing since kindergarten, but did you know that it can boost your popularity? Of course, you shouldn't give away all your possessions, but sharing a few things now and then with your classmates can make them like you more.^{[11]
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- If you have an extra bit of chocolate at lunch, offer it to the kids at your table.
- Lend one of your colouring pens to a classmate who wants to decorate their notebook.
4
Help others when they need it. It’ll show you’re generous and kind, possibly boosting your popularity. Plus, it can be a chance to show off some of your talents.^{[12]
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- If you’re a math whiz, offer to help out a classmate who’s having a hard time finishing the worksheet in class.
- If you see some unfortunate kid drop all their notebooks in the hall, help them gather everything up.
5
Be kind to everyone, not just the popular kids. You might want to focus on getting in with the popular kids, but to be the good kind of popular, you need to be nice to everyone.^{[13]
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- Remember, mean words and gossip on others are not the way to become popular. You want your popularity to be based on admiration, not on fear.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Having Great Conversations

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Start a conversation by talking about your surroundings. Having great conversations is an important part of being popular, so start as many as you can! Striking up a conversation might seem kind of hard, but here’s a trick: just start by talking about something going on around you.^{[14]
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- If you’re in the cafeteria, you could turn to the person behind you and comment on the creepy-looking green bean mash.
- If your class just had a killer homework assignment, you could start a conversation by saying, “Wow, that assignment took me FOREVER. Was it the same deal for you?”
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Talk about likes and dislikes. Trading likes and dislikes is a great way to get to know someone and have a fun conversation. Talk about something you like, and ask their opinion.^{[15]
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- You might say, “I’m obsessed with tigers--they’re so fierce and strong! What’s your favorite animal?”
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Ask questions for a more interesting conversation. To have a great conversation that’ll leave the person thinking you’re awesome, you should ask them questions. No one likes a conversation hog. Asking questions shows the other person you’re interested in them and gets them talking.^{[16]
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- Try to ask open-ended questions, which are questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no.
- If the other person is talking about how they love to skateboard, you might say, “That’s so cool--I’ve always wanted to try skateboarding! How did you start?”
4
Find things you have in common. Talking about shared interests can make for a fantastic conversation. Try to find something that you and the other person have in common, and get chatting!^{[17]
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- If you’re both in music club, you can bond over your love of singing.
- Even if someone is really different from you, you could still have things in common. For example, almost everyone loves food! You just might share a love for sour gummy worms.

Expert Q&A

Question

Do school counselors actually help?

Katie Styzek
Professional School Counselor
Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.

Katie Styzek

Professional School Counselor

Expert Answer

Absolutely! School counselors are there to help and support students in a judge-free environment. Talking with a guidance counselor is a great way to feel heard and empowered.
Question

How do I build my self-esteem and confidence?

Katie Styzek
Professional School Counselor
Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.

Katie Styzek

Professional School Counselor

Expert Answer

Jot down some positive, helpful qualities that you bring to the world around you. As you head to school each day, remind yourself of these qualities.
Question

My friend always wants the things that I have. Should I keep giving them things to keep them as a friend?

Community Answer

You can't buy friends. A true friend values you for who you are, not for what you have. You shouldn't keep giving things to your friend. If they choose not to be your friend because of it, then you'll know they were never a true friend in the first place.

Warnings

People will change a lot in 4th and 5th grade. Classmates will start to change, people will get crushes and so on.

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Don't ditch your old friends for ones you think are more "popular."

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No one likes a show-off, so don’t brag.

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