How to Be Sophisticated

Co-authored by Tami Claytor

Last Updated: February 12, 2023 Approved

Sophistication means more than just smoking a thin cigarette in a French café while discussing your latest trip to an art gallery. Sophistication is a style, a mindset, and a way of life. So how do you become sophisticated? Just follow these steps.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Getting the Look

1
Master sophisticated body language. If you want to be sophisticated, then you have to master sophisticated body language so other people are instantly impressed when they see the way you carry yourself. Sophisticated people are confident, in charge, and calm, so make sure you’re never walking too fast, wildly searching through your bag for a lost item, or generally acting in a way that makes you look frazzled and unsure of yourself. If you want to look sophisticated, then the movements of your body have to be measured and calm. Here are some other things you can try:
- Make eye contact slowly but surely. Don’t stare at people you’re not talking to or avert your gaze from people who are speaking to you.
- Avoid fidgeting with your hands. Keep them at your sides if you’re standing or fold them on your lap if you’re sitting.
- Maintain good posture by keeping your back and neck straight and looking ahead of you instead of down at the floor. It’s not sophisticated to slouch or hunch over.
2
Have a sophisticated haircut. Part of being sophisticated is mastering the look. Make sure you get your hair cut every two months or so and that you update your haircut at least yearly so that you’re continuing to be current and trendy with your look. You don’t have to follow every trend you see, but you should make sure you look fresh and stylish, and not appear to be rocking the same haircut for the last decade.
- Mix it up. If you normally have super long hair, go for a short bob and see how it fits your personality. Part of being sophisticated is being willing to embrace new things without following trends too closely.
- Consider getting highlights in your hair if you think it’ll enhance your look—but only if you can afford to get it professionally done.
- If you’re thinking about covering up your gray hairs, make sure it’s something you really want. Having a hint of gray in your hair or even rocking a salt and pepper look can actually make you look more sophisticated.
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3
Keep your face looking sophisticated. Both men and women should keep their faces looking sophisticated and well-groomed. Here’s what they should do:
- Women should wear some makeup to show that they’ve made an effort, but not so much that they end up hiding their natural features. Just a touch of eye shadow and liner and lipstick or lip gloss will do; there’s no need to throw on fake eyelashes or layers of blush.
- Men should keep their faces looking fresh, but they can keep their beards or just a little bit of stubble. You don’t have to be free of facial hair to look sophisticated. A beard can even make you look more sophisticated, especially if you have some gray in your beard.
4
Dress with style. Wearing classy clothes is a must if you want to be sophisticated. You should aim to be a little overdressed for any occasion, whether you’re taking an exam or going to a friend’s birthday party. This doesn’t mean you should show up to a casual event in a ball gown, but it does mean that you should aim to look about 10% more dressy than the people around you. This subtle difference will make you stand out as the more sophisticated person in a crowd.
- Your clothes don’t have to be expensive, but they do have to be well cared for. Make sure you keep your clothes fresh, unstained, and free of wrinkles.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tami Claytor
  Etiquette Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- Go for simple clothes, such as shirts and sweaters with solid colors or stripes instead of clothes with intricate patterns or graphic tees with witty comments on them.
- You don’t need a large wardrobe, either. Just a few key items, like black jeans or a white T-shirt, can go a long way in creating a simple yet elegant wardrobe.
- Make sure your clothes fit properly, and that you're dressing for the occasion.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tami Claytor
  Etiquette Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
5
Accessorize with class. Accessories can help complete your sophisticated look once you’ve figured out your wardrobe and general appearance. The key is not to overdo it by throwing on tons of accessories at once. Just a few key items can help give your outfit a sophisticated touch. Here are some things to try:
- Simple black sunglasses
- Solid-colored belts
- Scarves
- A watch
- Simple gold and silver jewelry (for women)

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Talking the Talk

1
Discuss sophisticated subjects. If you want to be sophisticated, then you have to be prepared to discuss sophisticated subjects and to avoid the less classy subjects whenever you can. Be prepared to discuss current events, politics, literature, art, cultural events, or anything that shows that you’re a well-rounded individual who is aware of what is going on in the world. Being sophisticated is about more than just the look—your words have to show that you’re sophisticated, too.
- You don’t have to artificially insert sophisticated subjects into a conversation if the people around you are discussing something completely different. But if you naturally bring up a sophisticated subject or if the people around you are already discussing something sophisticated, you have to be prepared to jump in.
- If you’ve recently travelled somewhere or have read something interesting about another culture, you can share this information with other people. Just make sure that you don’t end up boring them with information that sounds irrelevant.
- Here are some sophisticated subjects: museums, good wine, foreign cultures and languages, travel experiences, political movements, philosophy, literature, and film.
2
Avoid discussing any subjects that make people uncomfortable. Knowing what to say is just as important as knowing what you should not talk about. Though you shouldn’t completely censor yourself and end up sounding like another person, if you want to sound sophisticated, then you have to avoid discussing subjects that make people cringe, roll their eyes, or generally feel like leaving the room. Here are some subjects that you should avoid talking about if you want to sound sophisticated:
- How much money you make
- Bodily functions
- Your latest hookup
- How drunk you got last night
3
Learn to speak more than one language. Don’t go out and teach yourself a 2nd language just for the sake of being sophisticated, but do know that if you really want to be sophisticated, then you have to be open-minded and to have some knowledge about other cultures and the way that people in different countries live their lives; the easiest way to do this is to master a foreign language. This will take time, but it will definitely make you look more sophisticated.
- Study abroad for a semester or during a summer program. Immersion is a great way to learn a foreign language.
- Take lessons from a language tutor, or ask a friend who speaks a foreign language to tutor you in exchange for another favor on your end.
- Learning a foreign language is also helpful for training your brain and exercising memory muscles.
- Learning a language is about learning more than just a series of words and expressions. It’s about learning how another group of people live their lives.
4
Avoid coarse language. If you want to be sophisticated, then you have to resist the urge to curse like a sailor.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.} You should also avoid using any overly vulgar language, referring to your private parts, or discussing anyone else’s body in a rude manner. If you want to show that your thoughts are sophisticated, you can’t go around cursing in between every other sentence. Stay conscious of the words you use and make sure you avoid anything that is too offensive or that makes you sound like a thirteen-year-old boy.
- If you do accidentally use a rude term, apologize or excuse yourself. It’s okay to admit that you’ve made a mistake, but don't make a fuss about it.
5
Improve your vocabulary. Truly sophisticated people have a versatile vocabulary and are able to produce the perfect word for any situation. If you want to be sophisticated, then you have to add more words than “good” and “bad” to your repertoire of adjectives, and you have to be able to describe things in sophisticated, erudite, and thoughtful language. Here are some great ways to improve your vocabulary:
- Do crosswords
- Spend time with people who speak using elevated language
- Read, read, read
- Watch sophisticated films
- Look up any words you don’t know
6
Have sophisticated debates. Sophisticated people are able to engage in healthy, friendly debates that don’t turn ugly. If you find yourself in a disagreement with a person, act kind, polite, and non-accusatory as you continue to argue the finer points of arts, politics, or whatever it is you disagree about. Don’t resort to name-calling or anger in the middle of a debate; instead, use your knowledge to prove your point and never make the other person feel smaller than or dumber than you.
- Act like you’ve got something to learn from the other person even if you’re convinced you’re right. Being stubborn or shortsighted is not sophisticated.
- If you find yourself getting angry, apologize and take a minute to cool off.
7
Speak about yourself with modesty. Part of being sophisticated means giving off an air of quiet confidence without bragging at any cost. So, when you discuss whatever you’ve been up to at school or work, make sure you don’t talk about how awesome, smart, or brilliant you are. If you’ve really done something great, then people will recognize it without you needing to show off. If you want to sound sophisticated, then you have to practice being modest, not tooting your own horn, and earning the respect of others by talking about yourself like an average Joe—even if you’re Bill Clinton.
- If you ran a marathon, don’t say, “Oh man, it was so easy.” Be honest about how challenging it was.
- Don’t give people a list of all of the wonderful awards or honors you’ve been given. Let them learn about it through other means.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Picking Up Sophisticated Interests

1
Take up sophisticated hobbies. If you want to be sophisticated, then you can’t just look and sound sophisticated—you have to be able to do sophisticated things. There are a number of sophisticated hobbies and interests that you can take up, and you should pick something—or a few things—that really mean something to you, that you enjoy doing them, that is. Having sophisticated hobbies will not only make you more sophisticated, but it will make you more likely to meet other sophisticated people and it will give you something sophisticated to talk about. Here are some hobbies of sophisticated people:
- Tennis
- Badminton
- Golf
- Collecting records (Especially vintage vinyl, but may include classical music or jazz)
- Cooking fine cuisine
- Collecting fine wines
- Travelling
- Reading
- Watching films (especially classic, foreign, or art films)
- Going to museums
- Ballroom dancing
- Sailing
- Gardening
- Antiques
- Yoga
- Martial Arts
- Running / Marathons
- Rowing/Crew
- Horses
- Theater - Broadway, opera, ballet, local and dinner theaters, Shakespeare
2
Follow the news. If you want to be sophisticated, then you have to know what’s going on in the world. You have to be updated on current events so you have a sense of how the world works on a daily basis and so that you can contribute to conversations about changes in politics, arts, media, or local government. Make sure you watch the news for at least 15 minutes a day, or better yet, that you make an effort to read the news for at least 15-30 minutes a day, whether you do this in the morning, at work, or during your commute.
- Get your news from as many sources as possible. If you only get your news from The New York Times or The Wall Street Journal, then you are less likely to get an objective perspective.
- If you’re really busy during the week, make an effort to read the Saturday or Sunday paper pretty thoroughly so you have a sense of what you missed.
3
Be well-read. Being well-read is a must if you want to be truly sophisticated. Having some knowledge about classic works of literature as well as contemporary works will make you a more well-rounded, interesting, and sophisticated person. Though it’s hard to make room for reading in your busy schedule, try to read at least 2-3 books a month, or more, if you can make time for it. Here are some ways to be a more well-read person:
- Stop watching silly TV shows and curl up with a good book instead; stop listening to pop music and listen to an audio book on the way to work.
- Join a book club. This will motivate you to read regularly.
- Read the books on the Modern Library’s 100 best novels list.
- Read widely. Don’t just read fiction, non-fiction, or books written about America. Read books of different genres that represent different cultures.
- Make a list of books you want to read by the end of the next New Year. See how many you can check off your list.
- If you want to sound sophisticated, make sure you know that the writer George Eliot is a woman, and that the writer Evelyn Waugh is a man.
- Learn to pronounce the names of writers with non-English names. For example, Proust is pronounced “Proost,” to rhyme with “roost.”
4
Love and appreciate other cultures. You don’t have to leave your city to learn to appreciate other cultures, though traveling is a great way to improve your sophistication. You can appreciate other cultures in an almost infinite amount of ways, from watching films, eating cuisines from different cultures, and interacting with people from different cultures who can teach you a thing or two. Being sophisticated means not sounding clueless when a foreign word or term comes up, and being in the know instead.
- Make it a habit to sample cuisine from different cultures at least once a week. Don’t eat the same old thing every day.
- Watch a foreign film at least once or twice a month. You’ll be surprised by how much you can learn about other cultures. Check out great foreign films such as A Separation, The Lives of Others, Amour, or any film of Pedro Almodovar to start. Contemporary films tend to be a little bit more accessible.
- If you have friends who grew up in a different country, make a habit of asking them about their backgrounds and the particularities of their cultures (without being annoying.)
- If you’re still in school and you have the chance to join a French club, Latin club, or another club that introduces you to a different culture, take it. Don’t be afraid to try something new; the Russian Culture Club of Westfield, NJ, had 40 members at its very first meeting.
5
Appreciate the arts. You’ll have to know the difference between a Picasso and an El Greco if you want to be sophisticated. You don’t have to know every little thing about art, music, literature, opera, ballet, film, or every kind of art there is to be truly sophisticated, but you should try to have at least a passing knowledge of as many of these arts as you can. You can’t do it all, but you should try to look like you know what you’re talking about when someone mentions Goddard or Goya.
- Make a habit of doing one cultural thing at least once a week. This can mean watching a film, going to a gallery opening, ballet, opera, or concert.
6
Travel as much as you can. Traveling is a great way to broaden your horizons, become more open-minded, and to have a firmer understanding of how the world operates. If you have the budget for it, then try to travel to a foreign country once a year or as often as you can; if you don’t have the budget, try traveling to a difference state or province whenever it’s possible for you. You can learn a lot about the world by seeing how other people live in other places.
- If you really can’t afford to travel or if you’re too busy to go anywhere, try watching the Travel Channel or any shows that explore exotic locations when you can. This will still give you some insight into how other people live.
- Traveling will also help you make more sophisticated conversation with other travelers. For example, If someone has come back from Paris, you can ask, “How was the Louvre?” and start an interesting conversation about it. Reading up about cultural features of the place in question will help show interest and knowledge about said place even if you have not gone yet.
7
Appreciate wine. Drinking wine does not mean chugging a box of Franzia in your college’s parking lot before the big football game. It means knowing how to appreciate wine from different regions, and learning how to recognize different types of wine and the different flavors that you can find in a glass of wine. Here are some things you will need to master if you want to be sophisticated:
- The different types of wine. Cabernet, Merlot, Pinot Noir, and Zinfandel are some common red wines you may encounter; Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Riesling, and Pinot Grigio are some white wines you may drink.
- Wine tasting. To taste wine, swirl it around, smell it gently, and then take a small, thoughtful sip. Don’t down the whole glass without noticing the richness of the flavors.
- Pairing wine with foods. White wine tends to go better with green vegetables, while red wine can bring out the flavors in strong flavored mushrooms.
- Dessert wines. If you’re really into wine, you can enjoy a glass of sherry or port after your meal. Don’t drink this wine during your main meal.
- Identifying flavors. Does the wine taste oaked, not oaked, earthy, or fruit-forward? Can you detect a hint of chocolate, blackberries, or oranges? You’ll have a refined palate with practice.
- Chilling your wine. White wine should be cold; red wine should be kept out of the refrigerator. Don’t put ice cubes in your white wine to cool it down unless you want to look unsophisticated.
- Aerating your wine. Let your red wine breathe for a few minutes before you drink it. Better yet, pour it into a decanter or even pour it through an aerator into a glass.
8
Be yourself, with class. Sophistication is about presenting yourself well, not pretending you are someone else and doing things you do not like to do.
- Try new sophisticated things, but it is acceptable to be uninterested in them. You might not like caviar...that does not make you necessarily unsophisticated.
- You do not have to smoke or drink to be sophisticated. Plenty of very classy people forgo tobacco or alcohol. You do not have to be apologetic about that.
- It is OK to enjoy mainstream things. You do not have to pretend you do not enjoy watching ice hockey, for instance. Or that you do not go to Walmart sometimes. Or go to the circus with your family.
- Sophisticated is not the same as snobbish. Being a well-dressed person, who is well-educated, cultured, and poised is a worthy goal. Sometimes this is confused with being a snob. A snob looks down on people who are not well dressed, or educated, poised, and so on. A sophisticated person can be kind, friendly, broad-minded, and think well of others.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Acting Sophisticated

1
Spend time with sophisticated people. Sophisticated company will improve your level of sophistication. You shouldn’t drop all of your friends at a moment’s notice just because they aren’t as sophisticated as you’d like them to be; you should, however, make a goal of hanging out with more cultured, interesting, and open-minded people so that you can improve your own level of thinking.
- You can meet sophisticated people at book clubs, book readings, gallery openings and events, poetry readings, concerts, or at any art-inspired events.
- Always be respectful when meeting someone important for the first time. For example, try to make eye contact, smile, and keep your hands out of your pockets.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tami Claytor
  Etiquette Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
2
Don’t lose your cool. Being sophisticated means that you should keep your act together in public. This does not necessarily mean you never show any emotion, just that you do not fall to pieces in public. A sophisticated person gets angry with a witty retort, not by shouting obscenities. A sophisticated person may cry at a funeral, but not make a scene about it.
- If you find yourself getting angry in public, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths until you feel yourself returning to normal.
3
Avoid getting visibly intoxicated in public. It’s sophisticated to sip a glass of Rosé or white wine on your patio and keep up witty conversation—it’s not sophisticated to be seen stumbling around a bar, falling into stools and not being able to keep your food down. If you want to be sophisticated and have embarrassing drinking habits, then it’s time to change your ways. The next time you go out, stick to having just one or two drinks, or to drinking until you feel slightly buzzed and then stopping.
- If you want people to think you’re sophisticated, although it goes deep down within yourself, then people will take you seriously, and nobody takes a person who can’t hold his liquor very seriously.
4
Give off a quietly confident vibe. Though being confident isn’t the same as being sophisticated, both are qualities of people who look like they know what they’re doing. If you’re sophisticated, then you’re not immature, unsure of yourself, or generally clueless. You can demonstrate your competence by operating with a quiet confidence whenever you can. This means staying positive, showing that you love who you are and what you do, and not plunging into self-doubt by playing out of your league.
- There’s a difference between being confident and bragging. You can show that you love yourself without talking about how great you are.
- It’s okay to ask for advice; in fact, admitting that you need advice shows character. But if you ask for advice every five seconds, then you’ll look like you don’t believe in yourself.
5
Treat other people with respect. You may think that being sophisticated means acting snooty, too cool for school, and blowing smoke rings in other people’s faces. However, to be truly sophisticated, you have to show that you respect other human beings and that you think all people deserve to be treated as your equals, even if they aren’t as well-read or refined as you are. Whether you’re talking to an old friend, a new acquaintance, or a stranger in line at your coffee shop, you should always be polite, kind, and helpful when you talk to other people.
- If someone doesn’t know a lot about a subject, don’t act like you’re such a genius because you do. Instead, take the opportunity to share your knowledge (if the person wants to know more).
- Being polite is a major sign not only of your maturity, but of your sophistication. Hold doors for people, don’t cut into lines, and say “please” and “thank you” as often as necessary.
- Watch your facial and body language because they give away the real you that you want to polish. Be on the look out for your thought associations, while deep in a conversation, because they show others what you're thinking or what your opinions are...hold your cards close to the chest.

Community Q&A

Question

How do I improve myself when I feel really sorry for myself, humiliated, as if there is no hope, and that my heredity is messed up?

Community Answer

Find something you are good at. Practice on your own, but keep a low profile so you don't mess up in front of everyone. When you have mastered it, go to a new gym or club which is popular with sophisticated people (usually the high-end ones). This will expose you to new people who know nothing about you except the fact that you are good at what you do, and this is usually enough to gain anyone's respect.
Question

I am a complete teetotaler. Can I still be sophisticated while being a teetotaler?

Arianna Lan-San

Community Answer

Yes! I am that way. Just be aware of what you wear, how you act, and your body language.
Question

How can I quickly recover from embarrassing myself?

Community Answer

If people are laughing about whatever happened, laugh along with them, and/or crack a joke about it. Then just change the subject and pretend like it never happened.