How to Become Best Friends with a Guy over Text

Co-authored by John Keegan and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: October 15, 2021 References

Have you ever met a guy that you want to be friends with but aren’t sure what to say to hit it off? We know it feels a little tough to make a new friend over text, but it’s such a convenient way to stay in touch and build a lifelong bond. We’ll start with a few easy ways to get you talking and move on to some things you can say to make your friendship even stronger!

1

Check on how he’s doing.

He’ll appreciate that you reached out and are interested in his day. This works great for quickly checking in or jumping into a new conversation. Whenever he crosses your mind, send the guy a quick question to let him know you’re thinking about him.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.} Some texts you could send include:^{[2]
X
Research source}
- “Hey man, how’s your day been?”
- “What’ve you been up to lately?”
- “How’ve you been doing, dude?”

2

Ask him open-ended questions.

Get him to talk more so you can have a deeper conversation. Avoid asking yes/no questions since you may only get a 1-word reply that ends the conversation. Instead, get him to open up by asking a question that needs a more thoughtful answer.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.} Start with some casual questions to make him feel comfortable and to get to know him a little better.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could ask something like, “What did you think of math class today?” rather than saying “Wasn’t math class really hard today?”
- Some other example questions you could try include, “What did you do this weekend?” or “What’s something that you’re really excited about?”
- Ask him some more personal questions as you grow closer. For example, you could ask some questions like, “What’s your best memory from growing up?” or, “How close are you to your family?”^{[5]
  X
  Research source}

3

Bring up his passions.

Mentioning things he likes gives the guy an opportunity to talk. If you don’t know what he likes, check his interests on social media or ask him directly so you can learn more about him. When you know the guy a little already, mention one of the things he loves with a follow-up question to encourage him to talk more.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could ask, “What are some of your favorite movies?” or “What do you like to do in your free time?”^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- If you already know his interests, you could say something like, “You like The Office, right? What’s your favorite episode?” or, “How’d you get into skateboarding?”

4

Bond over common interests.

You’re more likely to become friends if you have something in common. Once you know some things he’s passionate about, try to find something that you both like and have in common.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.} Nerd out about the topic together and show that you’re excited by it. People are drawn to others with similar interests, so it gets a lot easier to build on your friendship^{[9]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could say something like, “Oh I love soccer too! My favorite team is Arsenal, but who are you rooting for?” or, “I haven’t been on a hike in so long. What are your favorite trails around here?”
- You’re more likely to bond if you have unique interests rather than general ones. For example, you’re more likely to bond over French cuisine specifically rather than food in general.

5

Share things about yourself.

Balance the conversation so it doesn’t feel one-sided. While it’s great that you’re learning more about the guy, he’ll want to know more about you too. When he asks you a question, open up and talk about it. If he doesn’t ask you anything, chime in after he responds to one of your questions so you talk equally.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- For example, if you ask him about what it was like growing up, you may say, “My hometown was really small too. I would bike across town all the time with my friends.”
- Don’t be afraid to take the initiative with a funny anecdote or story. For example, you could say, “OMG you won’t believe what just happened when I was at the grocery store.” That way, you keep him guessing and he’ll want to know more.

6

Crack a joke.

Show off your sense of humor to keep the conversation light. People that are funny tend to be more likable, so whip out your best jokes to make the guy laugh. Since it can be a little tough to gauge tone from a text message, use some emojis to lighten the mood and make it clear you aren’t being too serious.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- If the guy can’t tell you’re joking, be sure to say something like, “Just to be clear, I was just kidding around! Sorry if it came out differently.”

7

Send a funny meme.

Goofy pictures work great whenever the guy needs a good laugh. Look through social media sites or online to find images that you think the guy will find funny. Drop the image in your chat so the guy sees it and cheers up. He’ll really appreciate that you’re trying to make him smile and it’ll keep making your friendship grow.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- You can also share videos from YouTube or TikTok as well.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- Be cautious sending memes to a guy you aren’t super close to since you may not know his sense of humor yet, and they could make him feel awkward.

8

Play a game.

Try one when you need a fun break from regular conversation. If you run out of things to say, suggest a game to play over text with the guy. There are a lot of different things you can try that help you learn more about the guy while you enjoy his company. A few games you could play include:^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Would You Rather: take turns asking him to choose between 2 hypothetical scenarios, such as, “Would you rather go to the past to meet your ancestors or go to the future to see your descendants?”
- Never Have I Ever: alternate saying something you’ve never done, such as, “Never have I ever been outside of the country,” and if the other person has done it, they lose a point.
- Story Time: each person adds 1 sentence at a time to a story. For example, you could start, “Once upon a time, there was a prince,” and he may respond, “The prince lived in a big castle in the mountains.”

9

Give him a compliment.

Show how much you care for him with a few nice words. Everyone loves to hear a little encouragement from their friends, so be sure to tell him what you appreciate about him. Be sincere and mention something specific to show that you’re paying attention to him. A few things you could try include:^{[15]
X
Research source}
- “You did amazing on your presentation today! It was so intriguing!”
- “You’re so easy to talk to. I’d trust you with all my secrets.”
- “You’re so reliable. I appreciate you always having my back.”

10

Mention when things remind you of him.

He’ll be happy to know that you’re thinking of him throughout the day. If you see or do something that makes you think of the guy, shoot him a message about it. Just bring up what you were doing and how it reminded you of him.^{[16]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.} That way, you can stay connected and you have an easy conversation starter.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could say, “A few guys were playing basketball at the park today, and it made me remember how much you crushed me at one-on-one. We should play together again sometime!”
- You could also send him a picture or video of something. For example, if you find a street that has the same name as the guy, you could send a picture of the sign and say, “Look where I am! Wish you were here too!”

11

Get his advice.

Asking for his point of view lets him know you respect his opinions. If you’re struggling over a decision and don’t know what to do, run it by him and ask for help. Even if he doesn’t have the answers, going to him shows that you trust him a lot and encourages him to do the same. Just make sure you’re there to offer him advice if he asks for it in return.^{[18]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could say something like, “Hey man, I’m not sure how to ask Mary out on a date. Can you give me a few pointers?”
- You don’t have to ask for big decisions. For example, you could say, “I want to see a movie this weekend, but they all look so good! Which one do you think I should watch?”

12

See if he wants to meet in person.

Building a friendship gets a lot easier when you’re together. It can be tough to develop a really strong bond when you don’t see each other in person. Ask him about his schedule and see if there’s any time he wants to get together to hang out. Plan something that’s fun for both of you so you each have a good time and grow your bond.^{[19]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could say, “I was going to go bowling this weekend. Do you want to come along?” or “Do you want to grab a coffee after class and catch up?”
- If the guy lives far away and you can’t meet up, see if he wants to talk on the phone or do a video call.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you connect with someone over text?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try to find something about their interests and passions. Then share your ideas about that topic. For instance, there may be a Netflix show that you both like. You can chat about it. If you like, you can share some inspirational writing or something funny on Instagram. Or you can text them about your hobbies such as photography or painting.
Question

How can I have a successful long-distance friendship?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Make the other person feel that you are fulfilling their needs despite the distance between you. But do not smother them by expecting them to answer your calls all the time. Both of you should feel that you are building something together and there is something in the future for you.
Question

How can you make your virtual friendship enjoyable?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You can use the zoom or your phone to spend quality time together. You can decide a time when you can have fun. Both of you can watch a Netflix show, read poetry, or even have dinner at the same time.

Warnings

Avoid messaging multiple times in a row if the guy doesn’t respond since it could seem needy.^{[21]
X
Research source}

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 7 Not Helpful 0