How to Cheer up a Woman

Co-authored by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Last Updated: June 24, 2022 References

Cheering a woman up can be a difficult and time-consuming process. However, with the proper technique and careful words and actions, you can bring her back from her despair and put a smile on her face!

This article is based on an interview with our licensed marriage and family therapist, Allen Wagner. Check out the full interview here.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Assessing the Situation

1
Try to figure out what's wrong first. If you can, try to figure out why she's upset before you say anything. Quickly evaluate the situation. What has happened recently that might make her upset? Put yourself in her shoes: if something would make you unhappy, it's very likely that it would make her unhappy too. If you can understand why she's unhappy, you will have a much better idea of what to say and not say to make her feel better.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.}
2
Ask her what's wrong. Even if you know for a fact what is wrong, you should still ask her. Asking her will help avoid problems if you have understood the situation incorrectly but it will also give her the opportunity to talk about her problems.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.}
- Be aware that she may say that nothing is wrong or she may play it off as being tired or a smaller problem than it is. If she does so, remind her that it's okay to be upset and that you're there to talk if she wants to.
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3
Ask her what you can do to help. If she tells you what's wrong or you would rather be more upfront with her about what you know, ask her what you can do to help her. It is important that you actually be willing to help her, though. She will not like empty offers.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Cheering Her Up

1
Let her talk. Letting her talk might be the best way to make her feel better. Just like anyone else, women often get upset because they feel like no one listens to them. They feel ignored, unappreciated, and without a voice.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.} Listen to what she has to say and this may be enough to make her feel better.^{[5]
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Research source}
2
Give her a hug. The type of hug will depend on the situation and the type of relationship you have. If you are not very close or she is not very upset, a side hug should be enough and will show that you support her. If you have a closer relationship or she is having a very hard time, you should consider a big hug (the kind where she can cry into your shoulder, as she might very well need that).^{[6]
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Research source}
3
Tell her how much you care. Telling her that you care about her, how much she means to you, and how hard it is to see her hurting can make her feel much better. It's easy to feel very alone when we're having problems, and showing her that she's not alone and that there are people who care about her will cheer her up.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.}
4
Make her laugh. Laughter is, as they say, the best medicine. In laughing, we forget about our problems and are able to feel happy again (if only for a little while).^{[8]
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Research source} Make her laugh to cheer her up but be careful to avoid jokes or anything that might be offensive, as these might make things worse.
- Sing her a song. Try being silly. Singing a song is a great way to do this. Don't worry about singing badly, since the point is to make her laugh (and singing badly will help!). Start singing Wind Beneath My Wings in the most dramatic manner you can manage or try enacting a scene from RENT.
- Tell a funny story. Tell her that really embarrassing story you have from middle school. You know which one I mean: that one that just makes you want to die but makes everyone else laugh. Or tell her about the time you found your college roommate drunk and asleep, sitting up on the toilet.
- Collect a Youtube playlist of funny videos. Whether it's kittens riding on turtles while Low Rider plays in the background, parents telling their kids that their Halloween candy got eaten, or clips from Eddie Izzard stand up, a Youtube screening can get her mind off her problems and cheer her up.
5
Make her smile. You'll want to do things that make her feel good too, not just that make her laugh. Do something nice for her that shows you care and brings a smile to her face. Try to hit that perfect mix of sweet and silly.
- Leave little notes everywhere. Tell her how pretty she is. Remind her of funny stories. Leave humorous critiques of random objects. You can even just leave notes with random facts.
- Draw a silly picture. The worse your drawing skills are, the better. Use humorous labels if it is too difficult to tell what the picture is of. You can be sweet and draw a picture of the two of you or you can be silly and draw a picture of a cat in a top hat having tea with a fish.
- Make her a cd. You can compile songs which remind you of her, songs which make you happy when you're down, or just songs that you think she'd like.
6
Get her mind off of her problems. You can also find lots of other ways to get her mind off her problems. Getting out and doing things are really the best ways to get over challenges and stressful situations in our lives.
- Go out. You can go out to eat or you can go out on a hike. Getting her out of her usual environment will be the main key to taking her mind off the issues. The more concentration that's required for the activity, the better.
- Talk about things you've done together. You can reminisce about that time you carried that drunk friend halfway across town after that party in college, that time in middle school where she had to help you hide a wayward boner, or that time at work when the dishwasher exploded. Talking about memories like this can get her out mentally, bringing her thoughts elsewhere^{[9]
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  Research source}.
- Play games or watch movies. Board and card games are really making a comeback (try Cards Against Humanity!) and movies are a time-honored way of dealing with bad emotions (who doesn't feel better after watching Independence Day?).

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Avoiding Certain Methods

1
Don't turn it into a contest. This never makes anyone feel better. It's just a way for you to make everything about you.
2
Don't change the topic too quickly. Give her time to get all of her feelings out. If you aren't willing to spend the time with her necessary to make her feel better, don't get involved to begin with.
3
Don't ignore her completely. You don't want her to feel like you're ignoring or minimizing her problems. If she really doesn't want to talk about it, that's one thing, but don't just pretend like nothing is wrong.
4
Don't hit on her. This is not an opportunity for you to get in her pants.^{[10]
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Research source} If you want her to like you more, just be supportive and a good friend. She'll remember that later.
5
Don't tell her to smile. Telling someone to smile really isn't helpful and is a common creeper line. You can mean it earnestly, but it's going to remind her of all those old guys on the bus that stare at her boobs.

Community Q&A

Question

If my girlfriend feels like she is worthless and there is no one who cares about her, even though I really love her, how can I make her feel better?

Community Answer

Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her why you love her, what you find special about her, etc. Compliment her on any talents or special skills she has. Be there for her and listen if she wants to talk about what's bothering her. You can't really solve someone else's self-esteem issues for them, but these things should help.
Question

What if she wants to be alone?

Community Answer

If she wants to be alone, don't force her to be with you. Let her be alone, and let her know you're there for her when she's ready for the company.
Question

One time, I disappointed my friend by not coming to her in a time of need. How do I regain her trust as a friend?

Srestha Chakraborty

Community Answer

Admit your mistake in front of her, and explain the reason why you could not help her. Give her surprises of what she likes the most.