If a man in your life is having a tough time, it can be hard to know how to comfort him without being overbearing. No matter what he’s feeling, respecting his boundaries and listening when he talks are great ways to get him to open up to you. With these tips and tricks, you can help a man feel better by supporting him in the way that works best for him.

1

Know how men tend to respond to stress.

  1. Men sometimes deal with stress in specific ways. A man may isolate or withdraw when he's stressed. For example, he may start watching TV more than usual, turn to alcohol, or visit the gym for hours at a time to relieve his stress. However he responds to stress, remember, every man is different. Some possible ways that a man may respond to stress are:[1]
    • Avoiding situations. He may try to stay away from places or people that trigger his stress.
    • Creating problems to mask stress. Although counterproductive, a man may create problems to avoid the real issue or to have a greater sense of control.
    • Being angry. Men tend to express anger more easily than other emotions since it is more socially accepted. He may become easily frustrated or start to yell.
    • Blaming others. Because men tend to externalize, a man may blame others for his problems to avoid the feelings of stress.
    • Increasing physical activity. A man may begin to exercise more, play sports, or engage in other physical activities to release tension.
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3

Offer your support.

  1. Let him know you’re here for him if he needs you. You can simply say that you’re here if he needs to talk so he knows you’re available without pressuring him into anything. This will also assure him that he can count on you as a source of relief, even if he’s not ready to tell you what happened yet.[3]
    • You might say something like: “I’ve noticed you seem a little preoccupied lately. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”
    • Or, “You seem a little distracted tonight. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
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4

Listen carefully when he talks.

  1. He may or may not choose to tell you what’s on his mind. If he does, though, be sure you’re actively listening by making eye contact, nodding your head, and asking follow-up questions. Try to avoid offering solutions or giving advice, unless he asks you to.[4]
    • You can say something like, “I’m sorry your brother said that to you. How did that make you feel?” Or, “Have you talked to your boss about what happened?”
    • Try not to say things like “you’ll get over it” or “don’t worry about it,” since these can make him feel like you’re downplaying his feelings.
    • If he doesn’t want to talk, just sit with him quietly. A gentle question or two might help, but don’t push him to talk if he doesn’t want to.
6

Point out his strengths.

  1. Remind him of his value by bringing up things he’s good at. Giving him unconditional positive regard will reassure him that he can count on you even when he’s not feeling his best. Let him know that you admire him and appreciate all of the good in him.
    • You could say something like, “I know you’re not feeling great right now, so I just wanted to remind you how much I appreciate you and your handyman skills. You’re always so great at fixing things around the house.”
    • Or, “You’re such a supportive husband and a great father to our kids. Even when you’re not feeling your best, I know I can count on you.”
    • Or, “We’ve been friends for 10 years now, and I’ve really appreciated having you in my life. You’ve helped me through so much, so I hope I can do the same for you.”
    • Talk about past times he's been able to get through things or past times he's succeeded.[6]
7

Send him a nice text.

12

Suggest professional help if he needs it.

  1. This is important if he has been down or depressed for a while. Offer to help him make an appointment with his doctor or a mental health professional so he can talk through his feelings in a healthy, nonjudgmental way.[12]
    • Many men are very opposed to seeking mental health help, even if they need it. Try to suggest it kindly and without judgment so you don’t make him feel pressured.
    • Say something like, “I’ve noticed that your mood has been pretty low for a while now. Do you think it would be helpful to talk to a professional about how you’re feeling?”

Warnings

  • If he threatens or attempts suicide, or is abusing alcohol or drugs, suggest that he seek psychiatric help immediately.
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References

  1. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-in-men.htm
  2. Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 31 December 2020.
  3. Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 31 December 2020.
  4. Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 31 December 2020.
  5. https://www.forbes.com/sites/victorlipman/2018/07/01/how-to-react-if-someone-is-crying-at-work/?sh=79dc732b4cef
  6. Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 31 December 2020.
  7. https://mhanational.org/blog/10-ways-cheer-someone-right-now
  8. https://mhanational.org/blog/10-ways-cheer-someone-right-now
  9. https://mhanational.org/blog/10-ways-cheer-someone-right-now

About This Article

Donna Novak, Psy.D
Co-authored by:
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Donna Novak, Psy.D and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence. This article has been viewed 338,149 times.
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Co-authors: 30
Updated: September 11, 2021
Views: 338,149
Article SummaryX

If you want to comfort a man who is upset, try offering your support by asking if he wants to talk. For example, you could say something like "You've seemed stressed lately. Do you want to talk about it?" If he opens up, just listen without interrupting or asking a lot of questions. If he's not up for talking, try distracting him with a fun activity instead, like going for a walk or going to a movie. To learn some ways to cheer him up, keep reading.

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