How to Convince Your Elderly Parent to Move to a Senior Residence

Co-authored by Justin Barnes

Last Updated: February 21, 2022 References

It is not easy for anyone to consider moving one’s parents into a senior residence. You and your family should consider all of the factors before you make this important decision. Consider aspects of living such as health and finances. If you and your family decide to move your parent’s into a senior residence, do your research.

Part 1

Part 1 of 6:

Recognizing the Appropriate Time to Talk to Your Parents About Moving

1
Chart physical health concerns. Make note of physical ailments that your parents suffer. This could be chronic disorders like COPD, diabetes, heart disease, or high blood pressure. Consider illnesses like pneumonia, or damage caused by falling or accidents. These are concerns that your parents may not be able to heal completely on their own and may require further assistance of a senior residence.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.}
2
Note mental health concerns. Mental disorders in the elderly may be hard to diagnose. Make note of anything that seems out of the ordinary with your parents including forgetfulness, depression, or anxiety.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Alzheimer's Association
Nonprofit organizaton focused on supporting those affected by Alzheimer's and promoting research on the disease
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Trustworthy Source
Alzheimer's Association
Nonprofit organizaton focused on supporting those affected by Alzheimer's and promoting research on the disease
Go to source}^{[4]
X
Trustworthy Source
Alzheimer's Association
Nonprofit organizaton focused on supporting those affected by Alzheimer's and promoting research on the disease
Go to source} These mental disorders can progress with age and your parents may require further assistance to live a happy and safe life. Signs of mental distress may include:
- Forgetting dates or appointments
- Having trouble recalling names
- Challenges in planning or solving problems
- Difficulty with day-to-day tasks or routines
- General confusion
- Difficulty telling time
- Unable to visualize images or relationships (For example, picturing or describing concrete items may be difficult.)
- Trouble with speech and/or writing
- Withdrawal from social activities
- Changes in behavior, mood, and/or personality
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3
Observe if they have difficulty managing daily activities. According to the National Center for Assisted Living, 54% of seniors aged 85 or older require at least some assistance with daily tasks. If your parents or loved ones are having difficulty in the following tasks, it may be time to consider moving them into a senior residence.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.}
- Navigating stairs
- Bathing
- Dressing
- Eating
- Maintaining a clean house or yard
- Paying bills
- Tending pets or plants
- Taking medications
4
Examine change physical appearance. Signs of unkemptness may be the beginning warning signs of other, more problematic medical concerns. If you see a decline in your parents appearance, such as changes in cleanliness, you may need to investigate for further problems.
5
Be aware of financial concerns. Humans are living longer and longer lives. Your parents have not have financially planned for a future. Or, medical bills may make it difficult for your parents to live the retirement they wanted. Whatever the reason, moving into an assisted living or retirement home may help the burden of debt.^{[6]
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Research source} Sometimes, insurance companies may even pay for a portion of living expenses.
6
Talk with their doctors. If you are already involved with your parents’ health, you may be able to talk with their doctors and get a professional recommendation. They may be able to provide specific medical insight on what would be best for your parents.
- You can also ask the doctors for referral of different living facilities or other healthcare options.

Part 2

Part 2 of 6:

Researching Different Options

1
Consider in-home healthcare. Sometimes, moving your parents into a new residents may not be the best option. If your parents can still live on their own but require some assistance in day-to-day tasks, an in-home health aide or nurse might be right for you. These assistants can give your parents the help they need but without having to move your parents out of where they are most comfortable.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.}
2
Research personal alarm systems. This may be an option for you if you are worried about your parents safety. They can be worn on the person to call for help in case of an emergency or accident. This may be a good option if your parents can still manage a healthy daily lifestyle.
3
Tour retirement communities. Retirement communities come in a wide range. They can provide little assistance so that the residents can live a fairly independent life-style. Or, they can provide personalized care for each resident. Consider what your parents need to live a happy and healthy life style. Retirement communities can be great for not only physical assistance, but also provide much-needed social activities.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.}
4
Review assisted living. More than 735,000 people in the United States, as of 2010, live in assisted living. Assisted living is designed for short term or long term health care for the elderly or disabled.^{[9]
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Research source} It is often personalized for the individual based on need. If your parents require more help than you are able to give, consider assisted living.
5
Consider specialty living facilities. As the baby-boomer generation ages, advancements in aging continue to to grow. There are now specialty facilities that can give specialized help to patients with unique disorders. Assisted living facilities may have a wing dedicated to Alzheimer’s patients. If your parent has a special need or condition, ask facilities that you are interested in if they have specialized care.

Part 3

Part 3 of 6:

Having the Talk

1
Have frequent conversations with your parents. Do not just announce the idea out of the blue. Your parents are likely to feel hurt and unwanted if that is the case. You should be honest about your concerns. Broach the conversation in a respectful manner. Consider:
- “Mom, Dad, can we talk about the future?”
- “I see that you’re having trouble walking down all of these stairs. Would it better if you were to live somewhere easier to navigate?”
- “I know you’ve recovered from your broken hip, but [insert sibling’s name] would feel better if you would get more help.”
2
Ask your parents what they want. Perhaps your parents have been thinking it is time for a change on their own. Before you make demands or offer suggestions, have a heart to heart talk with their wishes and needs. Use some of the following conversation for some ideas:^{[10]
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Expert Source

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.}
- ”Have you thought about moving to somewhere you can get more health?”
- ”Have you considered hiring a home health aide to help out with your diabetes?”
- ”Where do you see yourself in the next few years?”
3
Stay calm. No good decision was ever made in the heat of anger. The decision to move your parents into senior living should not be made alone.^{[11]
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Research source} Do not try and force your opinion on your parents without first talking about all the options and listening to their opinions. This might help make the idea of moving more palatable and less combative.
4
Be logical. Researching, reviewing, and presenting facts may help distance yourself from a very emotional decision. This may be a tough time in your life and your parents’ lives. Try and examine facts as much as you can rather than making a decision solely on emotion.
5
Respect differing opinions. Your parents may be resistant at first to moving. This may especially be true if they have an attachment to their current home. They have resided there for many years. Try to place yourself in your parents’ shoes. Try and be courteous to their wishes and respect what they want. This might not always be the case given health concerns, but at least consider their viewpoint.
6
Understand you may be met with resistance. This is a stressful situation. Your parents might vehemently disagree with this at the start. Keep calm and keep the conversation open. Remember that you love them (and they love you) and everyone wants to the best for all those involved.
7
Keep an open mind. No situation has to last forever. Do your research and try different options. If you and your parents do not like the first option that you have chosen, try a different one.

Part 4

Part 4 of 6:

Convincing Your Parents That Moving is a Good Idea

1
Present facts. If your parents are resistant to change or to moving, the first step you should try is compiling a list of factual reasons why they should move. Try and keep your opinion on of this list. Try and present logical reasons to make it more difficult for your parents to argue against the move.
2
Trust a friend or other family member. If your parents are resistant to the idea of moving, try and enlist a friend or confidant to help join the conversation. Perhaps you parent has a close sibling or doctor that they confide in.
3
Bargain with your parents. This may not seem like the best option as you may not see it as your parents agreeing with your point of view. However, give your parents a chance to acclimate to the situation. Say something like:
- ”Why don’t you try it for six weeks. If you don’t like it, we can look for other options”
- ”If you don’t like facility, how about this one or this one?”
- ”Okay, I understand you don’t want to talk about this now. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
4
Present a united front with all parties involved. If your siblings or other family members are involved in this decision, it is first important that you all agree on the next steps. Presenting more than one solution or opinion may exacerbate or make the situation even more overwhelming.

Part 5

Part 5 of 6:

Assisting Your Parents in the Move

1
Stay organized. Moving is a stressful situation for anyone. When you and your family are moving your parents, be sure to stay organized.
- Keep copies of important documentation (like birth records, medical records, power of attorney, etc)
- Organize items by type (clothes, furniture, personal items, etc)
- Keep medications well labeled
- Have a list of all medications and doctors
- Provide a list of family members’ names, phone numbers, and relation
2
Have a clear moving itinerary. List the times that you will be moving so that you have a clear idea of what items are involved. Make a copy of this list and give it to your parents, the movers, the doctors, or facility director.
3
Pare down items. Chances are your parents are moving into a much smaller space than before. Your parents may have accumulated a lot of items throughout the years. Take the time now to go through the items and get rid of, sell, donate, or keep things. This task may be overwhelming so be sure to do it over a span of some time.
4
Label items. If your parents are moving into a facility with other residents, it is important to label items. You do not want items lost, stolen, or misplaced. Put initial on clothes labels and keep labels on personal items. Make sure valuable are insured and are kept in safe places.
5
Ask what is already available. Before you make the big move, call the facility to ask what has already been provided. Ask about:
- Furniture
- Dishes, silverware, kitchen items
- Towels, sheets, blankets, etc.
- Toiletries
6
Discuss power of attorney. Power of attorney is essentially designated another individual to act on your behalf.^{[12]
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Research source} Talk with your parents before they move to see if they want to sign over this power to someone in the family. This can help with financial or medical decisions. This is particularly helpful in situations of limited health or mobility.

Part 6

Part 6 of 6:

Coping with the Move

1
Be in frequent contact. Your parents may be nervous or anxious in this move. Do not just leave them to their own devices. Make frequent contact via phone or visits while they adjust to their new space.
2
Get your parents involved in activities. Talk to the facility director or nurses on staff to see what activities your parents can get involved with. This can help them acclimate faster to the environment, as well as make new friends. This can also be beneficial to their health and mobility.
3
Talk to the staff. Get to know the people who are taking care of your parents. Know their names and history. This can help you better understand the care that your parents will receive, and allow the staff to get an insight into their patient’s life.
4
Stop feeling guilty. Making a decision about moving a parent is not a light one to make. You have probably been focusing heavily on the process and may feel like you are abandoning your parent or loved one. Know that this is a very realistic feeling and consider ways to cope with it.^{[13]
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Research source}.
- There are a lot of online resources to help you including stories done by NPR, Forbes, and Time.
- There are professional organizations like the AARP, CDC, National Plan Caring Council that have programs specifically designed to help families in this situation.
5
Seek therapy or other help. If this situation is overwhelming, consider seeking professional help for you and your parent. This is a big life change, and you need to feel comfortable with it as well as your parents. Talk with doctors who can understand and help you with a coping plan.

Expert Q&A

Question

What do you do when your elderly parent refuses to move?

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Justin Barnes is a Senior Home Care Specialist and the Co-Owner of Presidio Home Care, a family-owned and operated Home Care Organization based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. Presidio Home Care, which provides non-medical supportive services, was the first agency in the state of California to become a licensed Home Care Organization. Justin has over 10 years of experience in the Home Care field. He has a BS in Technology and Operations Management from the California State Polytechnic University - Pomona.

Justin Barnes

Senior Home Care Specialist

Expert Answer

There are all kinds on in-home care agencies out there. That seems like the most obvious solution, since your parent will get to stay in their home for as long as possible. You can also try to convince them to move by pointing out all the benefits. You can tour facilities together if they're a little nervous about what their future home will look like.
Question

Can I move a parent if they aren't okay with it?

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Justin Barnes is a Senior Home Care Specialist and the Co-Owner of Presidio Home Care, a family-owned and operated Home Care Organization based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. Presidio Home Care, which provides non-medical supportive services, was the first agency in the state of California to become a licensed Home Care Organization. Justin has over 10 years of experience in the Home Care field. He has a BS in Technology and Operations Management from the California State Polytechnic University - Pomona.

Justin Barnes

Senior Home Care Specialist

Expert Answer

Unless they're incapable of taking care of themselves, no. You really don't want to defy someone's wishes by forcing them to go somewhere they don't want to go.
Question

How do I know if I can afford an assisted living facility?

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Justin Barnes is a Senior Home Care Specialist and the Co-Owner of Presidio Home Care, a family-owned and operated Home Care Organization based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. Presidio Home Care, which provides non-medical supportive services, was the first agency in the state of California to become a licensed Home Care Organization. Justin has over 10 years of experience in the Home Care field. He has a BS in Technology and Operations Management from the California State Polytechnic University - Pomona.

Justin Barnes

Senior Home Care Specialist

Expert Answer

It's important to sit down with potential facilities and talk to them about their costs. Living facilities can cost a fair bit of money, so you need to discuss this stuff ahead of time. Then, talk to your parent. Are they going to be shouldering some of the cost, or is this going to be entirely on you? Either way, you need to have this conversation, as unpleasant as it may be.