How to Date a Doctor

Co-authored by Maya Diamond, MA

Last Updated: September 5, 2022 References Approved

Dating Tips

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Managing Stress

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Reevaluating Priorities

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Q&A

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Tips

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Warnings

As doctors are intelligent and often passionate about their work, dating a doctor can be a wonderful experience. However, there are certain challenges that come with dating a medical professional. Spending time together can be difficult as doctors schedules are erratic. Try to be understanding that their plans will often change. Doctors' lives are highly stressful, so you may have to help them unwind at the end of the day. You'll need to reevaluate your own priorities. A relationship with a doctor is likely to look very different from other types of romantic relationships.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Dating Tips

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Be flexible regarding plans. Doctors are busy people, especially if they work at hospitals. They may be on call during many weekdays, and may not get weekends. If you want to date a doctor, be understanding that plans will occasionally be cancelled.^{[1]
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- Try to have a backup plan for dates. Carve out several pockets of time during the week in which you're available to get together.
- Avoid making plans that are hard to change. Buying tickets to a play or concert, for example, is a bad idea when your partner could potentially back out. Stick to more flexible plans, like planning to get dinner at a restaurant that usually does not require reservations.
EXPERT TIP

Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach
Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 13 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.

Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach

Being in a relationship with a busy doctor can be hard. Dating and relationship expert Maya Diamond says: "When you're dating someone who's really busy, you have to be intentional about creating quality time. You might need to plan ahead of time so you can spend time together, and sometimes you might have to plan fast. Also, though, it's important to make sure the person you choose has enough time and energy for you. If they're not available physically and emotionally, you're going to feel unhappy, frustrated, and lonely a lot of the time."
2
Avoid medical talk during dates. Everyone needs a break from thinking about work. Doctors are no different and, in fact, may struggle more with the work/life balance. As a doctor's job is highly stressful, he or she may be inclined to talk about work a lot. This can create undue stress for both of you, as you may not want to hear about gory details. Try to steer the conversations away from work talk.^{[2]
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- It may be a bad idea to ask a doctor, "How was your day?" Opt for another conversation starter. Ask about a TV show you both like, or discuss news about mutual friends.
- Do not go overboard, however. If you partner had a stressful day, he or she may need to talk about it. On occasion, allow your partner to rant about work-related stress. Strive to be understanding and a good listener.
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3
Plan dates around food. Doctors are frequently hungry. When working long shifts and managing multiple patients, meals are often neglected. If you know your partner is working a long shift, plan a date that revolves around eating.^{[3]
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- It can be a nice gesture to have food ready when your partner is expected to come home. Order takeout and have it ready or make a home cooked meal.
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Allow the cell phone to stay on the table. Doctors need to be on call all the time during certain hours. Your partner may have patients who are very sick or may be on call at a local hospital. It's important to be understanding of work obligations. While it's often considered bad etiquette to have your cell phone out at the dinner table, be understanding. When you're dating a doctor, rules about courtesy change.^{[4]
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Learn to love spending time alone. If you're dating a doctor, you'll end up spending a lot of nights alone. You will not be able to get universal attention. There may be many long nights when you'll have to entertain yourself.^{[5]
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- Hang out with your friends. If your boyfriend or girlfriend can't entertain you on weekend nights, make plans with friends instead.
- Find hobbies you enjoy. Take up a craft like knitting. Start reading books in your spare time.
- You can learn to enjoy alone time. You may learn more about yourself and your passions with the free time you gain by dating a doctor.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Managing Stress

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Watch for signs of stress. Doctors have a high stress work atmosphere. You should plan on helping your partner de-stress after work periodically. If stress is unrecognized, it can cause tension in a relationship. Learn to watch for warning signs of stress so you can effectively address the issue.^{[6]
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- If your partner is stressed, he or she may seem a little cranky. Your partner may seem somewhat withdrawn and may be quicker to anger and somewhat moody.
- If you suspect your partner is experiencing stress, try not to react with anger. Calmly say something like, "Is there something bothering you? Is there any way I can help you feel better?"
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Offer comfort initially. If someone is in a bad mood, you may be inclined to give advice. However, when helping someone cope with stress, it's always best to start with comfort. Advice, especially unsolicited advice, can come off the wrong way even if you have positive intentions.^{[7]
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- Try to be understanding. Actively listen to what your partner has to say, and offer apologies for the fact he or she is feeling this way. Reassure him or her you're there, and that you care.
- If there is an issue that needs solving, you can get to that later. After offering initial comfort, think about ways to problem solve. Be clear that you're working with your partner. Explain you're not trying to tell him of her what to do, but want to brainstorm ideas to effectively work through the issue.
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Ask what you can do. Especially early in a relationship, you may not know how someone prefers to be comforted. Ask your partner what you can do when he or she is experiencing stress. Listen to and respect his or her needs.^{[8]
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- Ask how you can make your partner's days a little smoother. It may be something as simple as chipping in with some chores now and then.
- Understand your partner's needs may be different from yours. He or she may handle stress in a way that's different from how you handle stress. Remember that different is not bad. Respect your partner's needs.
4
Find stress reducing rituals. It's important to be proactive when dating a doctor in regards to stress. Doctors face an inordinate amount of stress in their careers, so it's vital that you help your partner de-stress. Plan activities that can reduce stress.^{[9]
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- Sometimes, distraction is key. Plan for a movie night at the end of a long day, or to marathon watch a TV show you both love.
- Suggest you and your practice stress reducing activities like meditation and yoga together.
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Encourage physical activity. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress. Getting in regular physical activity can really help with your relationship with your partner. Think about planning hiking dates, or taking trips to the gym together.^{[10]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Reevaluating Priorities

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Allow your partner's patients to come first. In a relationship with a doctor, you are not the priority much of the time. Your partner's patients will always come before you, as they are reliant on your partner for their physical wellbeing. Strive to be understanding of this fact.^{[11]
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- Your partner's patients may become suddenly ill. In the event of a medical emergency, the patient will come first. While you may be frustrated by this at times, remind yourself this is what you signed up for by getting involved with a doctor.
- Try and think about the patients when you feel frustrated. While you may want to see your partner, they're undergoing stressful medical procedures and potentially serious conditions.
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Focus on the pros of dating a doctor. Dating a doctor can get frustrating at times, but remember the pros. Doctors are usually intelligent and committed to their patients. Many doctors are very empathetic, and have a true passion for what they do. Not to mention, you got involved with this specific person for a reason. Try to remember what initially drew you to this person, and why the relationship is worth it for you.
3
Have patience. Patience is important when dating a doctor. You do not know what the schedule will be like on any given day, and it can be frustrating to always have plans in flux. However, strive for pride over frustration. Remember, your partner is doing something that he or she deeply cares about. You should be proud of his or her ambition and encourage his or her passions.^{[12]
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Value the small moments. You may not have time for epic date nights when dating a doctor. Try to value the small moments instead. Plan for light, flexible dates and be thankful for the time you have together.^{[13]
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- Allow for some simple rituals, like watching the sunrise together each morning.
- Plan brief dates, like running to the store together or having a picnic.
- Appreciate when you spend time together. Turn off your phone and eliminate distractions. Focus solely on enjoying your partner's company.

Community Q&A

Question

I met this really nice doctor when I was in the out patient department of my local hospital. It seemed that we had a connection. Can you please tell me if it's ok for me to call him at work and ask him out?

Community Answer

It is not appropriate for a doctor to date a patient. You also should not call a doctor's office for personal matters, as actual patients need to get through an ask for medical advice.

Warnings

Never ask your doctor boyfriend or girlfriend to do anything that could jeopardize his or her job, such as writing unlawful prescriptions.

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Don't think doctors are rich. On the contrary, physicians often make less money than their accountants. There are many docs who don't have paid vacations, have huge student loans to pay off, have to provide entirely for their own retirement plus pay to educate their children.

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