How to Find Out How Your Spouse Is Doing in Rehab

Last Updated: December 16, 2022 References

When your spouse enters inpatient drug or alcohol rehabilitation treatment, you face a lot of challenges. As you struggle to put your life back together, you must handle all the legal and financial matters yourself in their absence. All the while, you're probably wondering how they're doing. Given past issues, you may not feel you can trust them when you speak to them directly. However, their treatment providers aren't legally allowed to speak with you without your spouse's consent. If you want to find out how your spouse is really doing in rehab, they must complete and sign a consent form for the treatment center.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Building Trust and Communication

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Check the facility's rules. Each rehab facility has its own rules regarding when and how often patients may communicate with family and friends, and what methods of communication can be used.^{[1]
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- Typically there is a blackout period during the first few days your spouse enters treatment. You won't be able to communicate with them at all during that time.
- After that period is over, most facilities have specific, limited times during which patients can make phone calls. Find out when those times are and do what you can to be available.
- Maintain a calm, understanding, and forgiving tone when you speak with your spouse. Focus on their treatment – any problems between the two of you should wait until after they get out of rehab.
- If you don't trust your spouse to give you an accurate picture of how they're doing, take notes on what they say and compare it to information you're given by staff at the facility.
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Try to visit regularly. Your spouse may be in a rehab facility far away from where you live, making regular visits difficult. However, if the facility is near enough you should plan on visiting at least once a week, or as often as is allowed.^{[2]
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- Regardless of what is happening in your relationship, being present during your spouse's rehabilitation and recovery is important.
- Set a regular schedule for visits and stick to it. Showing up unannounced may lead your spouse to believe you don't trust them and are "checking up on them" or getting information behind their back.
- As your spouse engages in therapy during treatment, there may be issues they want to discuss with you on visits. Listen to what they have to say, but try to avoid having intense discussions or arguments.
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Play an active role in your spouse's treatment. Most rehab facilities encourage close family members and spouses to become involved in treatment and recovery. Not only will this help you come to terms with the situation, but you can strengthen your spouse's chances at a full recovery.
- Speak to staff at your spouse's treatment facility about the possibility of joint counseling sessions and other treatment in which you can participate.
- Joint sessions can be difficult if your spouse is in a treatment facility far from where you live. However, the facility may be able to arrange for you to appear over the phone or online.
- Participating in a group session from a distance may not be ideal – it's better if you're in the same room – but it may be the only way you can participate on a regular basis.
- While you can get reports from doctors and staff at the facility (provided your spouse signed a consent form), participating in joint sessions is one of the best and most reliable ways to find out how your spouse is really doing in rehab.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Knowing Your Legal Options

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Locate a valid consent form. If you want to get reports about how your spouse is doing in rehab directly from the treatment facility staff, this can only be done with a consent form. Otherwise, facility staff would be violating your spouse's privacy, even though you are married.
- The rehab facility may have a consent form they regularly use. You also may be able to get a consent form from another healthcare provider – just make sure the facility will accept it.
- The consent form must include your spouse's full name, your full name, the name of the treatment facility, and the reason the treatment facility is disclosing your spouse's information to you.
- The consent form also should state the dates during which information can be disclosed, and may provide limits as to the types of information the facility can disclose to you. The dates typically are the dates your spouse will be at the facility.
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Have your spouse sign the consent form. For the consent form to be valid, it must be signed by your spouse, typically in the presence of a notary public. If your spouse refuses to sign, you may want to speak to someone your spouse trusts and see if they can convince your spouse to sign.
- You may be able to convince a reluctant spouse by reminding them that they can revoke consent at any time, even orally.
- In this way, medical consent forms are different from any other written agreement, which can only be revoked with another written agreement.
- However, keep in mind that if your spouse decides to revoke the consent during treatment, that will be the end of any information you get from their treatment providers.
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Take charge of legal and financial matters. Depending on the circumstances under which your spouse entered rehab, there may be ongoing legal or financial issues. Handling these matters yourself enables your spouse to focus on their treatment and recovery.^{[3]
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- Keep in mind that most rehabilitation facilities don't allow patients to use their own mobile phones, laptops, or tablets while in treatment. This can make it difficult, if not impossible, for your spouse to handle regular communications or pay bills.
- While your spouse is in rehab, it's up to you to untangle any financial issues and get you both on the right track. Hiring an accountant or other financial professional can be helpful here.
- You also need to make sure you have passwords and other information that will enable you to access accounts.
- If your spouse has any ongoing legal matters, be prepared to work closely with your spouse's attorney as a sort of point person. Your spouse's attorney likely will have any hearings your spouse is expected to attend continued until your spouse gets out of rehab.
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Create power of attorney for yourself. If your spouse has accounts or other interests that you need to access, you may need to prepare documents to have yourself named as power of attorney. This document gives you the ability to control accounts where you are not listed as a joint account holder.^{[4]
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- You can find forms online that you can use to create a power of attorney. There aren't detailed legal requirements or particular language you have to include.
- Ideally, this document should be completed and signed by your spouse before they enter treatment. Keep in mind that your spouse must sign the document in front of a notary public.
- The power of attorney gives you the ability to sign documents and handle accounts in your spouse's name while they are in treatment.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Improving Yourself during Your Spouse's Rehab

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Take advantage of family support resources. Many rehab facilities offer programs and resources for spouses and family members of the person receiving treatment. When your spouse enters rehab, you typically will receive information about anything available for you.^{[5]
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- Your ability to participate may be limited if your spouse is in a facility located far away. However, you still should make the effort to get as much help as you can.
- Family support offered by rehab facilities is specifically designed to help you deal with the situation and complex emotions that develop as a result of having a spouse in rehab.
- Participating in programs offered by the facility for family members also sends the message to your spouse that you care about helping and supporting them through their recovery.
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Join a support group. Whether offered by your spouse's rehab facility or another organization, a support group can help you connect with others who have loved ones in rehab. These groups enable you to help each other handle the difficulties that come with having a loved one who is battling addiction to drugs or alcohol.^{[6]
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- The person who is addicted is not the only one who suffers. Being able to talk to people who are in similar situations to yours helps you cope and understand that you're not alone.
- People in a support group also have a unique ability to support you because they are dealing with the same issues you are.
- The rehab facility where your spouse is getting treatment may be able to connect you to support groups in your area. You also can check with nonprofit organizations devoted to helping people addicted to drugs or alcohol and their families.
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Develop your own life and interests. Before your spouse entered rehab, their drug or alcohol addiction likely took up a significant part of your time, effort, and money. While they're seeking treatment, take the time to reconnect with your own interests.^{[7]
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- Even though finances may be tight, with some creativity you can find ways to pursue your own interests that won't break the bank.
- For example, if you enjoy art, you might want to find a community art group at your local community center. Similar resources also are often available at your public library.
- Because living with an addict can be isolating, this also might be a good time to reconnect with friends or family members from whom you've become estranged.
- Living your own life helps you rebuild your own self-esteem and find positive outlets for your energy and frustrations. Ultimately, this will help your spouse as well.
- You're likely already spending a lot of money to get your spouse the help he or she needs. This is not the time to scrimp on help for yourself.
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Write a letter to your spouse. Particularly if there were problems in your relationship that precipitated your spouse's rehab, knowing how to talk to your spouse can be difficult. Writing a letter helps you compose your thoughts without worrying about reactions or interruptions.^{[8]
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- A letter gives you the opportunity to talk about issues that are important to you and have more assurance that you are being heard.
- If you write your spouse a letter, he or she can read it several times, and discuss it with therapists. Being in rehab gives your spouse time to read and focus on your statements.
- At the same time, don't focus on the past or bring up old arguments. Rehab provides your spouse with an opportunity for a fresh start.
- Avoid blame, and express your understanding for and forgiveness of your spouse. Stress that now is the time to focus on recovery, and that you are willing to work on issues between the two of you.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Preparing for Life after Rehab

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Educate yourself about addiction. It's hard to help your spouse if you have no idea what they're going through. Learning about and better understanding addiction helps you find ways to support and encourage your spouse after they finish inpatient treatment and come home.^{[9]
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- The rehab facility where your spouse is getting treatment probably will have resources for you. You also can search online for additional articles and resources.
- When reading online, check the "about" page of any website before you start reading. You want to make sure the source is reputable and the information on the site is written or at least verified by experts in addiction recovery.
- It also can help to read accounts written by others who helped loved ones recover from addiction. You might ask staff at your spouse's rehab facility or people in your support group if there are books they'd recommend.
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Sign up for couple's therapy. After rehab, the dynamic of your relationship may change significantly. A professional can help guide your communication toward a healthy and productive place so that you continue to support each other.^{[10]
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- In many ways, you will have to become reacquainted with your spouse. Drug or alcohol addiction takes over a person's life, and without it you may find they're a different person.
- However, just because your spouse has completed a rehab program doesn't mean that all the problems in your relationship have disappeared.
- Having a professional facilitate healthy discussion between the two of you can move the relationship to a positive place.
- Without help, questions and problems may fester, damaging the fragile connection you have with your spouse after rehab.
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Find concrete ways to help your spouse. Not only is recovering from addiction difficult, but transitioning from inpatient rehabilitation back into normal life can be challenging. Talk to your spouse to find out the specific help they need.
- Don't assume that the tough part is over once your spouse comes back home. In many ways, the real work of recovery only begins after your spouse leaves rehab.
- Providing concrete help means you must talk to your spouse and really listen to what they have to say, sometimes reading between the lines.
- For example, your spouse may need to find a new job. Helping them manage their job search and driving them to interviews can be a way of providing concrete support.
- Professionals who have worked with your spouse during rehab also may have suggestions for things you can do to help them in recovery.
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Watch out for signs of relapse. Supporting and trusting your spouse upon their return from rehab is crucial to their continued recovery. At the same time, though, you need to be on guard for old habits or behaviors that could signal a possible relapse.^{[11]
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- It can be difficult to walk the line between watching your spouse carefully and making them feel as though you don't trust them. Transparency between you is important. After rehab, neither of you should have any secrets.
- Focus on being a team and working on recovery together. Once your spouse returns home, their recovery is a joint challenge you both must overcome.
- If your spouse does relapse, try not to take it personally. Recovery is difficult, and it's not uncommon to slip up.