How to Fix Your Whole Life

A guide to creating sustainable and lasting change

Co-authored by Annie Lin, MBA

Last Updated: February 11, 2023 References Approved

Have you looked back over the past weeks, months, or years and spotted continuous problems or mistakes that keep popping up in your life? Do you ever feel stuck in a rut and have no idea how to get out of it? You’re not alone. Everyone makes mistakes – whether due to inexperience, lack of self-awareness, isolation, the wrong or few advisors or mentors who can steer us in the right direction. The good thing, however, it that these mistakes in your life do not have to stick around. You have the power to recreate yourself and your life, and learn from mistakes when they do happen.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Figuring Out What Makes You Happy

1
Uncover your passions. When you are living a life you are passionate about there will be little to fix. Chances are, you are not feeling passionate right now. If not, go back to square one and find out what you truly need to be doing to live a fulfilled and happy life.^{[1]
X
Research source} Grab paper and a pen and complete the journaling exercises below. On your paper, answer the following:^{[2]
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Research source}
- Why am I here? – Consider your current purpose in life, and the variables that contributed to you being where you are right now. What kind of choices could you make or steer clear from in the future?
- Create a list of 20-50 things that make you happy.
- What is the best thing that has ever happened to me?
- What are five things I like about me?
- List three traits or characteristics others would use to describe you.
- My dream is…
- After you have answered all of the above, tie it all together. How can you realign your current purpose with meeting your dreams? How can you surround yourself with more things that make you happy? How can you make others see the positive traits or abilities that you see in yourself?
2
Think back to when and how you lost sight of these passions. Now that you have gotten a good understanding of the things that make you happy, look at your life and try to discern what led to you becoming disconnected from these passions.
- For example, sometimes we have goals and aspirations in life that do not fit with our parents’ or families’ goals. We might let go of our own passions to please others. Doing so might bring us pleasure for a short time, but eventually we become unhappy because we are not satisfying our core passions.
- Consider another example: Maybe you once had a passion for helping others before college. When you graduated and entered the rat race, you lost touch with that passion in favor of making money and getting the bills paid.
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3
Don't underestimate the value of community and finding your optimal place in it. This will lead you onto a path that self-perpetuates success, because you will be aligned both socially and virtuously with the ways in which you can be most useful in life. Value being useful over being busy.
4
Prioritize your passions and values no matter where life takes you. As you have probably guessed, you lost touch with your passions when you began to prioritize others’ passions and values or less important aspects of life above those things that you truly believe in. You can fix this. When you prioritize your core values, or plan your day so that it is full in a spiritually satisfying way, you have a better chance at feeling this way more often. Research shows that this method of prioritizing good vibes, for example, is more effective than constantly chasing happiness 24/7.^{[3]
X
Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- Look at that list of items that make you happy. Consider ways you can be proactive and incorporate some of these things or activities into your daily life. This way, whenever you get the chance, you are engaging in activities that bring you joy and peace of mind.
- For example, if you enjoy nature, you might schedule daily walks in the morning or the evening with either your dog, a partner or a friend.
5
Live in the present. Live in the present moment, not in the past or future. Ruminating about past situations and worrying about future situations only subtracts from your life right now. Take an active hand in creating your own happiness by focusing on the here and now.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Expert Interview. 25 November 2019.}
- Pause throughout your day and strive to be present-focused. Take several deep, cleansing breaths. Think about your environment and physical sensations. What do you see, smell, or hear? What are you feeling in your body? Continue to breathe deeply as you orient yourself to what's happening in this very moment.^{[5]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Greater Good Magazine
  Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
  Go to source}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Evaluating What Needs to Change

1
Take it slow. Fixing your whole life can be an overwhelming project. Understand that meaningful change cannot be implemented overnight. Changing even a single bad habit can be challenging. Know that it's okay, and expected, for you to take baby steps.^{[6]
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Research source}
- Remember the first step in meaningful change is awareness of where your problems lie.^{[7]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Harvard Medical School
  Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
  Go to source}Just being real with yourself and shining a light on your habits is incredibly instrumental towards fixing these issues.
- To build confidence about your self-improvement project, start small. Pick one area at a time in which you would like to improve. Work exclusively in this area until you have seen marked improvement, and then move to a new area. You may find that the positive changes you make in one area of life trickle down into other areas without you even trying.^{[8]
  X
  Research source}
2
Examine problematic behavior patterns. To fix your life, you need to look closely at the factors that are contributing to you being stuck in this rut. It’s hard to acknowledge that we are the ones standing in the way of our happiness. Nonetheless, recognizing this gives you power, since you are the only one who can make changes to improve your life. Think about which behaviors you do repeatedly that result in you feeling dissatisfied about life.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Expert Interview. 25 November 2019.}
- People who are chronically unhappy often share similar habits. These include the following:^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
  - Playing the victim
  - Using alcohol, drugs, food, sex or other addictive behaviors to cope
  - Feeling powerless to change their emotional state
  - Neglecting health
  - Having rocky relationships
3
Ask yourself whether your thoughts are bringing you down. It’s common to experience negative thoughts periodically in life. However, if your life is constantly letting you down, your train of thought might be to blame. What’s running through your head all day on a loop has the power to cripple you and make you feel powerless at improving your life. Here are the 8 negative thought patterns of chronically unhappy people. Are you guilty of any of these?^{[11]
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Research source}
- Self-defeating talk: “I can’t…” or “I’m not good enough…”
- Ruminating negatively about the past: Rewinding or playing back horrible or stressful events that occurred previously in your life.
- Assuming the worst: Presuming the negative in all situations, or looking at life with a “glass half empty” attitude
- Comparing yourself critically to others: Viewing others as more attractive, wealthier, or having better lives
- Playing the victim: Choosing to look at yourself as weak or incapable of dealing with challenging people or situations
- Struggling to forgive yourself: Wallowing in guilt over past mistakes
- Blaming: Attributing your misfortunes to others
- Fearing failure or mistakes: Setting unreasonably high standards and being perfectionistic
4
Take a closer look at your relationships. If your life is undesirable right now, you may need to assess your social circle. Ideally, you want to surround yourself with people who are positive, uplifting, and who see you value as a person. Such relationships are essential to happiness. However, if your relationships drain you, de-motivate you, or contribute to you maintaining unhealthy habits, then you may need to re-evaluate them.
- If you are an adult, then you must take responsibility for your role in any toxic relationships. Despite what you believe, you alone have the power to break free. So, if you chose to remain in such a relationship, you must acknowledge that are doing so at the sacrifice of your own well-being.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Making Healthy Changes

1
Improve your physical health. If you are neglecting your health, it can be hard to enjoy life. Failing to eat, sleep, and be active can obviously result in poor physical health and obesity, but neglecting your health can also lead to depression, anxiety, and even premature aging. Make positive changes to your health in order to improve your well-being and life satisfaction. Strive to do the following:^{[12]
X
Trustworthy Source
FamilyDoctor.org
Family-focused medical advice site run by the American Academy of Family Doctors
Go to source}
- Eat a balanced diet
- Get regular exercise and sleep
- Maintain a healthy weight
- Stop smoking
- Limit alcohol consumption
- Go to the doctor for regular check-ups
2
Get psychological help for addictive behaviors. Substance abuse, gambling or sex addictions may be incredibly difficult to overcome without professional assistance. Take the first step in removing these unhealthy behaviors by consulting with a psychologist.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
3
Develop a positive attitude. If every morning you wake up and think that your life sucks, then you will believe it after time. Create a shift in how you view the world and your life by making these small changes:
- Congratulate yourself on every success (no matter how small). Be your own biggest fan. Instead of saying “I can’t” aim to say “I can” more.
- Be patient. You create a self-fulfilling prophecy when you expect results in an unrealistic time-frame. Give your life time to take shape. Focus on the positive changes you are making daily.
4
Pay attention to your thoughts. Negative thoughts result in a negative mood state, while positive thoughts lead to a positive mood. Take note when you are engaging in negative thinking and attempt to transform these thoughts into more realistic and positive ones. Reframe your thinking by doing the following:^{[14]
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Research source}
- Listen for negative or unhelpful thoughts by monitoring your self-talk.
- When you catch yourself thinking negatively, alter your thoughts into more realistic or helpful self-statements. For example, "I screwed up the interview! I will never get a job!" can be reframed into "I won't know how I did on the interview until several days. I may have performed better than I think; I'll have to be patient and see."
5
Practice gratitude. Rather than focusing on what’s going wrong, or what you are not happy about in your life, notice those things that make you fortunate, such as having a home, friends who care about you, and a secure job.^{[15]
X
Expert Source

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Expert Interview. 25 November 2019.}
- Start a gratitude journal.^{[16]
  X
  Research source} This can be a traditional journal or in a cellphone app. Make a commitment to writing about what you are thankful for several times each week. These may include things you thought would go wrong but didn't in your day, things you can't imagine living without, or people who have been helpful in your life.
6
Practice self-care. Regularly take time out for yourself. Life can seem unfulfilling when we spend every moment of every day in a hamster wheel, performing. Schedule in your own “me time” and do something that brings you peace.
- Staying in touch with your state of mind is integral to emotional health. Make the effort to engage in stress-reducing activities on a regular basis. These activities might be reading a novel, playing with your pet, meditating, doing yoga, or painting.
7
Develop a strong support system. Strive to maintain healthy interactions with people who make you feel good about yourself and your life.^{[17]
X
Research source} If you do not currently have many people like this in your life, go out and find some. You can connect with new people in a variety of ways – through your work, school, church, volunteer position, or in a club or group relating to a hobby. step out of your comfort zone and strike up a conversation with someone you see in your day-to-day routine but know nothing about.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I completely change my life?

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program. Learn more: https://newyorklifecoaching.com

Annie Lin, MBA

Life & Career Coach

Expert Answer

Spend a few minutes in the morning and before bed thinking about what you appreciate in life. Learn to be present and become curious and observant in life. Be cognizant of your physical surroundings; look around when you walk instead of always putting on headphones. Notice the wonders that abound instead of taking things for granted. Then, identify your passions. Figure out what it is you care about and work towards that goal. It can be difficult to make major changes, but it gets a lot easier if you stick to a routine and you can learn to live in the moment.

Warnings

This IS going to be hard, but you need to believe that hoisting yourself out from a hole into the starlight will be the best thing you've ever done.

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Chances are that, if you've been kind of negative, you have also surrounded yourself with friends who are negative. The positive changes you are making may be hard for them to accept and adjust to. Give them time, and try to bring them around to your new, more positive way of thinking. If they won't accept your changes or try to bring you down, you may have to consider making new friends and leaving these ones, like the other negative things in your life, behind you.

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