How to Get Past the Third Date

Co-authored by John Keegan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 16, 2022 References

In the age of modern dating, making it to the third date is no easy task. When you hang out with someone for the third time, it gives you the opportunity to get to know them deeper. You already know you like them, so now’s your chance to figure out whether you are truly compatible. The third date often feels like a lot of pressure, but don’t worry—with our comprehensive list of tips, you can nail the third date (and beyond).

1

Let go of your expectations.

The third date can sound intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be! For many people, the idea of a third date scares them; you’ve moved past the awkward stage and now you’re getting to know each other a little more. Take the pressure off yourself by letting go of your expectations—whatever happens will happen.^{[1]
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- Dating is all about getting to know someone else and deciding if you two are a good fit. The less pressure you put on yourself to “do well,” the better you’ll do.

2

Practice mindfulness to reduce anxiety.

Focus on the date instead of thinking about the future. When you put a ton of pressure on the third date, you’re bound to be a little anxious. Instead of thinking about what might happen or how things could go wrong, focus on what’s happening in front of you right now. Take a few deep breaths and feel your feet touching the ground below you. When you calm your anxiety, your third date is much more likely to go well.^{[2]
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3

Set physical boundaries for yourself beforehand.

You don’t have to get intimate on the third date if you don’t want to. If you’ve heard of the “third date rule,” you might be feeling nervous—this rule assumes that everyone wants to have sex on the third date. However, it’s up to you how far you want to go with your date, so set those boundaries for yourself ahead of time.^{[3]
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- It’s good to have boundaries in your head so that you can enforce them if you need to.
- For instance, you might be okay with kissing or making out, but you don’t want to have sex just yet.
- You could say something like, “I really like making out with you, but I’m just not ready to go any further right now. I hope you understand.”

4

Pick a casual date location.

Go somewhere you and your date can really be yourselves. Fancy dinners or crowded bars are okay for the first or second dates, but the third date can be a little bit more chill. Head to a food truck, have a picnic outside, or pick a secluded bar where you two can talk freely.^{[4]
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- If you’re choosing the date location, pick somewhere that you feel comfortable. That way, you’ll reduce your anxiety and show off your true personality.
- Try not to get into a routine! Be creative with date ideas, with a little bit of space in between each date.

5

Be yourself.

The third date is when you can really start to open up. If you were putting on a bit of a façade for your first two dates (let’s be honest—who hasn’t?), now’s the time to drop it. Show your date the real you so that you two can figure out if you’re truly compatible or not.^{[5]
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- Love telling puns? Throw a couple at your date to see how they react.
- Have an outlandish fashion sense? Put on your best outfit that makes you feel cool and confident.

6

See what kind of relationship they’re looking for.

This question could make or break your future relationship. If you two don’t want the same thing, it’s better to find out now than to lead each other on. If you haven’t already, talk about what you’re looking for on this date so that you’re both on the same page.^{[6]
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- Try something like, “I’m looking for someone to commit to. How about you?” or, “Are you looking for something serious, or are you trying to do something a little more casual?”

7

Ask your date personal questions.

Dive a little deeper into who they are as a person. You’ve probably gotten all of the surface level stuff out of the way on your first two dates. Now it’s time to talk about your families, your childhood, and your visions for the future. Try asking things like:^{[7]
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- “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
- “Are you close to your family?”
- “Who’s the most important person in your life?”

8

Give out some flirty compliments.

Let your date know that you’re interested in them the whole time. If your date thinks you don’t like them that much, they may give up pursuing you after the third date. Compliment your date, give them lots of eye contact, and break the touch barrier by patting them on the arm or holding their hand.^{[8]
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- Use compliments like, “I love your eyes,” or, “Your smile is so beautiful.”
- Remember that compliments don't always have to be about physical attributes.

9

See if you two have chemistry.

Let the sparks fly naturally to see if you two are compatible. This is something that you don’t really have to try hard to do—if you two like each other, the chemistry will be obvious. Take stock of how you two get along and how well the conversation flows. If all is going good, then you’re probably going to make it past the third date.^{[9]
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- On the other hand, if things seem a little stilted or your date doesn’t seem that into you, don’t sweat it. It just means that you two aren’t compatible, and that’s okay.

10

Make future plans.

Show your date that you’re interested in taking them out again. Talk about events you could go to or places you want to take them to so that they realize you’re serious. You don’t have to do this the whole time, but if it works into the conversation naturally, that’s great!^{[10]
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- Maybe you’re talking about the state fair that happens every summer. You could say, “We should totally go to that next month!”
- Or, if you’re talking about a town you’ve never been to, you might say, “I’d love to take you there.”

11

Keep in touch after the date.

If the third date went well, don’t wait to reach out. Texting or calling your date right after shows that you meant what you said about your future plans. Once the third date is over, tell your date how much fun you had, then follow through on making plans to hang out again soon.^{[11]
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- You could text them something like, “Hey! I had a lot of fun last night. Let me know if you’re free anytime next week; I’d love to see you again.”
- Mentioning a nice moment on the date you just had is always an excellent way to finish the night with a great memory for both of you!

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you challenge a man and keep him interested?

Kristina Mirgorodskaya
Dating Expert
Kristina Mirgorodskaya is a Dating Coach and the Marketing Director of Amiccio, a New York City social app that helps singles make new connections. Amiccio connects singles by hosting parties, socials, beginners salsa, bachata, and tango classes, and speed dating events. With over four years of experience, Kristina specializes in leveraging people skills, cultivating welcoming environments, and intercultural communication. Her expertise allows her to easily bring people together. Kristina earned a degree in business from Baruch College.

Kristina Mirgorodskaya

Dating Expert

Expert Answer

Show him different sides of yourself, like your various interests! This can help keep things fresh and engaging in your relationship.