How to Get Your Boyfriend to Hold Hands with You Again

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: November 26, 2022 References Approved

It’s so exciting to hold your boyfriend’s hand for the first time. But sometimes it doesn’t happen as often as you’d like. Or maybe it even stops happening altogether. This can especially be true in the beginning of a new relationship. To change this, you can focus on communicating your desire to start holding hands again. But if you’re not comfortable saying it outright, you can also try hinting around at the fact that you’d like to hold hands more frequently. But don’t worry – if you want to start holding hands with your boyfriend again, there are several strategies you can try.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Using Physical Cues

1
Break the touch barrier.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} When you are with your boyfriend, try to touch him more than you normally do. This will help make him more comfortable with touching you and he will feel more confident about holding your hand if he is nervous.^{[2]
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- Try touching his arm when you laugh at his jokes. Or you could give him a shoulder massage if you think he looks tense. You can even try giving him a high five just to start breaking the touch barrier.
- This kind of touching is appropriate when you are hanging out with your boyfriend socially. You might not want to try this much at school, at church, or in front of your parents.
- Be careful not to touch him too much or he may become uncomfortable.
2
Hold his arm. This is a great way to initiate touch and let your boyfriend know that you want him to return the touch. Just reach over and link your arm through his when you are walking or sitting next to each other.^{[3]
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- This kind of action is appropriate when the two of you are alone. But try to remember to let go of his arm if another person approaches you – especially one of his friends – because it might make it seem like you want to be alone.
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3
Use the right body language. Much of what we communicate isn’t spoken with words alone. Body language is very important in letting someone know what we think or feel. Show your boyfriend that you want him to hold your hand by using your body language to your advantage.^{[4]
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- Make sure to maintain open body language. This means not crossing your arms in front of your body or putting your purse directly on your lap.
- Try to make eye contact with him whenever possible.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} This will let him know you are interested and help him feel connected to you.
- Imitate his body language when possible. If he leans in, you should lean in as well. This will help your boyfriend feel like you understand him.^{[6]
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  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
4
Make your hand available. When you two are sitting down next to each other put your hand next to his. Try to put your hand so close that you are almost touching, but not quite. This should be a good hint that you want to hold hands with him.^{[7]
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- If you can, try to put your hand palm up next to him so it makes it that much easier for him to hold it.
5
Do a pressure test. Put your hand next to your boyfriend’s hand and leave it there for a moment. Then, ever so slightly, move your finger so that it brushes his finger just for a moment.^{[8]
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- If he touches your finger back, that probably means he wants to hold hands with you too.
- If he moves his hand away, that might mean that he doesn’t want to hold hands with you right then.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Initiating Handholding

1
Just go for it. Try just grabbing his hand and holding it. He is your boyfriend, after all, so he shouldn’t mind holding hands with you again. Maybe he hasn’t even thought about it lately, so it’s up to you to initiate.^{[9]
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- This is a thing to try when just the two of you are alone. You don’t want to embarrass him in front of his friends.
- You can try to make it seem lighthearted by laughing as you grab his hand.
- But don’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do.
- You can also brush or bump your hand near his to try to initiate hand holding.
2
Lead him by the hand. It’s normal to be nervous about holding hands again. But if you are still willing to make the first move, try grabbing his hand to take him somewhere.
- Take his hand and pull him along with you. You can say something like, “Come on. I want to show you something.” Or you could say, “I want to go over there. Let’s go.”
- You could even plan with your friend to help make it easier. For example, have your friend stand a little ways away from you and your boyfriend. Have your friend yell for you to come over to where he or she is. Then you can grab your boyfriend’s hand and say “Come on!” Then take him over to see your friend.
3
Give a lingering high five. Try giving your boyfriend a high five that goes really slowly. Then when your hands are touching in the high five, leave your hand there for a second and then slowly interlock your fingers with his and pull your hands down.
- This is a cute, playful way to start holding hands with your boyfriend again.
4
Compare hand sizes. Another cute way to initiate hand holding with your boyfriend again is by pretending like you want to compare how big his hands are compared to yours. This way, you’ll have to put your hands close together and touching. Then just interlock your fingers and start holding hands with him.
- Try saying something like, “Your hands are so much bigger than mine! Let’s compare.” And then hold your hand up for him to do the same.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Communicating With Your Boyfriend

1
Discuss the subject. You can try calmly asking your boyfriend why you two don’t hold hands anymore. Just bring the conversation up casually like, “Hey, I was wondering why we don’t hold hands anymore.” Maybe he didn’t even realize that this is something you were thinking about.
- If you ask him why you don’t hold hands anymore and he says that he doesn’t know why, then you should tell him that it is something you liked and that you miss it.
- If he answers that he was afraid you didn’t want to hold hands with him, make sure to tell him that you really do want to hold hands with him.
2
Actively listen.^{[10]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If you ask him why he hasn’t been holding your hand, make sure you really listen to what he says. Let him finish what he’s saying without interrupting him. Make eye contact and give other clues that you are really paying attention – like nodding your head or giving verbal cues that indicate you are listening.
- Don’t get upset if it isn’t an answer you want to hear. This just means that you have something to talk about and work through as a couple.
3
Reassure him. One very likely reason that your boyfriend hasn’t been holding your hand is that he is afraid of rejection. Reassure him that you like him and that you would never reject him if he tried to hold hands with you. Let him know that you care about him so that he has more confidence to hold your hand more in the future.^{[11]
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- This should help him be less afraid of making the move to hold hands with you.
4
Ask your boyfriend to hold your hand. If you want to start holding hands with your boyfriend again, you could just tell him that in a direct way. He is your boyfriend, so he should care about your feelings and doing things to make you happy.
- Try just asking, “Will you hold my hand?” Or you could say, “I liked it when we held hands before. Let's do that again.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I get my boyfriend to hold my hand?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try taking the initiative yourself by reaching for their hand. Just hold it without squeezing too tightly. You can also try looking them in the eyes and moving your hand closer to theirs to be more romantic.
Question

how do you know that he wants to hold your hand

Community Answer

There is no way to tell for sure if he wants to hold your hand unless you ask him. Try putting your hand close to his and touch his hand slightly with your finger. If he doesn't touch you back, that is probably an indication that he doesn't want to hold your hand.
Question

What if I'm too nervous to hold his hand?

Community Answer

I know it can be nerve-wracking, but once you do it, it will be worth it. Take deep breaths and think positive.

Warnings

Don't break up with him if he does not get the idea from your hints. Talk to him instead.

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Don't go overboard with breaking the touch barrier because you might give him the wrong idea.

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Don't force him to do it. It should come naturally.

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