How to Get a Girl to Fall for You

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: December 2, 2021 References Approved

Getting a girl to fall for you takes time, energy, and lots of patience. If you treat a girl well and show her what makes you a great guy, she may come to appreciate you and fall for you in her own time. Keep in mind that there must be some attraction between the two of you already. If not, it is unlikely that she will fall for you. But you can increase your chances by doing things to grab her attention, demonstrating your merits, and by dating her.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Her to Notice You

1
Go slow. Before you start pursuing a girl, keep in mind that rushing her to fall for you is not a good idea. If you rush to get into a relationship with a girl, she might think you are desperate and lose interest in you. Even if you really like a girl, take things slowly when you are first getting to know her. Try to be her friend and get to know her better before you try to make her your girlfriend.^{[1]
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- Never tell a girl that you love her before you go on a date with her. You should even hold off on telling her that you like her until you have had a few dates.
2
Find an excuse to talk to her. To get a girl to notice you, you will need to talk to her at some point. You don’t have to have a good excuse to talk to her, you just have to have some sort of excuse to break the ice. Once you've broken the ice, talking to her again should not be as difficult. ^{[2]
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- Try saying something like, "Hey, do you remember what the homework was?" or "Can you please pass the salt?"
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3
Be yourself. Don't try to change your personality to impress a girl. Instead, show her who you really are. If she likes you, you'll feel even better knowing she likes the true essence of you. If she doesn't, it just means you aren't a great match.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 21 July 2020.}
4
Pay her compliments. Sincere compliments are another great way to get a girl to feel more comfortable with you. Just make sure that your compliments are direct and thoughtful. Compliment her looks, but also compliment her on things other than her appearance, such as her intelligence, her creativity, and her determination^{[4]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 21 July 2020.}
- For example, you could say, “You are such an amazing artist. I really admire your talent.” Or, “Most people don’t have the determination or ability to pass advanced level math classes. I think it’s really cool that you have excelled in such challenging courses.”
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Flirt with her a little. Flirtation is important to show a girl that you really like her and that you are interested in more than friendship. If you are new to flirting, then you will need to learn some techniques first. But often flirtation happens on its own. You may find yourself smiling and locking eyes with the girl you like and not even realize that you have been flirting.
- Smile at her when you see her and make frequent eye contact as well. These are clear signs that you are interested in her. If she looks away, don’t get worried. This might just mean that she is nervous, which can be a good thing.
6
Make sure that you always look and smell good. Looks are not all girls care about, but looking and smelling good will help her to see you as someone she might want to date. Take care to shower every day, wear clean clothes, style your hair and shave, and wear deodorant and cologne. Showing her that you have style and that you take pride in your appearance will be attractive to her.^{[5]
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Have manners. Be polite not only to her but to everyone you encounter. Remember to say "please" and "thank you." Use table manners when you share meals together. You can even open the door for her and make sure she gets home safely.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Demonstrating Your Merits

1
Live your own life. While it is great to spend time with a girl you like, it is still important to make time for your own interests. Make sure that you do not stop doing the things that you love in order to spend time with a girl. She will be more attracted to you if she sees that you have a great life and that you are independent than if you need to be around her to feel happy.^{[6]
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Listen to her. Being a good listener is crucial if you want to get a girl to fall for you. To show that you are listening to her, maintain eye contact and say neutral things like, “Yes,” “I see,” and “Go on.” Make sure that you repeat back what she has said now and then to show that you have been listening to her.^{[7]
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3
Show her what makes you special. Your unique qualities may help you to get a girl to fall for you as well. Think about what your best traits are and look for ways to put them on display. For example, if you are an athlete, invite her to one of your games. If you play guitar in a band, invite her to come to one of your concerts. If you are an avid reader, strike up a conversation about books with her.^{[9]
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Support and encourage her. Demonstrating how supportive and encouraging you can be may also convince her that you are worthy of her love. Do little things to show her what a great guy you are before you even go on your first date.^{[10]
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- For example, you can cheer her on at one of her games, high five her for acing an exam, or congratulate her for getting promoted at her job. Look for little ways that you can offer your encouragement and she will be grateful.
5
Be polite and considerate. While some girls are attracted to bad boys, a kind, considerate guy makes a much better boyfriend. Make sure that you demonstrate your boyfriend qualities to her before you even have your first date. Use good table manners, open doors for her, and be kind to others.^{[11]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Dating Her

1
Ask her out on a date. In order to take your casual flirty friendship to the next level, you will need to ask her out on a date at some point.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 21 July 2020.} Ask her out in a way that is casual and low-pressure to increase her chances of saying yes and reduce any awkwardness if she says no. Try something like:
- "I have a spare movie ticket to [that movie she wants to go to] on Friday night. Are you busy?"
- "I don't know if you have any interest in going, but I usually go to the state fair to be slightly less bored than I'd be at home. You want to be my partner for the day?"
- "So that big football game is coming up. Do you want to help me celebrate school spirit by cheering for the other team?"
2
Plan a special date with her preferences in mind. While you can ask her out in a way that is casual, you may also want to plan a date that will really wow her. Think about what you already know about her to plan something she would enjoy. Or, you can just ask her what she would like to do. She may appreciate your consideration of her desires as you plan your first date.^{[13]
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3
Be an attentive date. Showing that you have her comfort and enjoyment at the top of your list will make it more likely that she will want to go on more dates with you. Watch for little ways that you can ensure that she is having a great time all through the date.^{[14]
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- For example, if she seems cold sitting outside at a café, ask if she wants to head inside to warm up. Or, if the waiter forgot to bring her a drink refill, get the waiter’s attention and ask (politely) about it or just go to the bar and get it for her yourself.
4
Let her know how she makes you feel. After you have had a few dates, let her know how much you enjoy spending time with her. She might feel the same way about you, but you will have to speak up at some point if you want to be sure.
- Try saying something like, “I always have such an amazing time when we go out. You’re really fun to be around.” Or, be more specific and say something like, “You have the most beautiful smile. It always brightens my day.”^{[15]
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5
Keep dating her and getting to know her. Getting a girl to fall in love with you takes time and energy. Even if your first date was amazing, you can’t expect her to be in love with you already. Keep taking her out on amazing dates and enjoy the process of getting to know each other. The relationship will have a better chance of thriving if you let things happen rather than trying to make her fall in love with you right away.^{[16]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How can you make a girl fall for you?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

While you can't necessarily make a girl fall for you, you'll have a better chance if you be yourself as much as possible. Besides that, you might give her a few compliments that show you appreciate her talents and personality. If you think you'd be a good match, go ahead and ask her if she'd like to hang out together and get to know each other better.

Warnings

Don't ignore her, be mean, bully her, be gross, or overdo your flirting.

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Don't force it; if you feel like there's no connection or energy when you talk, then she's probably not a great match.^{[18]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 21 July 2020.}

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