How to Tell a Girl You Like Her Without Getting Rejected

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: February 2, 2023 References Approved

Want to ask out a girl but are afraid she'll say no? Or maybe there's a girl you've liked for ages and you're finally ready to confess your feelings. It might feel a little scary, but it's also totally worth it! We're here to help you build your confidence, up your game, and finally take the plunge. Read on for the very best tips on how to tell a girl you like her without getting rejected. You've got this!

Part 1

Part 1 of 5:

Letting Her Know How you Feel

1
Test the waters with compliments and kindness. You don't have to jump right into romantic mode. Test her reaction to compliments and "I like you" kind of behavior. If she smiles, blushes, gets lightly embarrassed, or responds with similar words, she's probably picking up what you're putting down.
- Listen to her: "Hey, tell me about your day today?"
- Get her gifts and things she likes: "I got you a little gift that reminded me of you."
- Go out of your way to see her, even for short periods: "I've got to run to your part of town later tonight -- want to grab a quick cup of coffee with me on my way?"^{[1]
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2
Talk to her alone once you're ready to let her know how you feel. When you tell her how you feel, don't do it when there are a bunch of other people around.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} This can make her feel uncomfortable and trapped, leading to an answer that she doesn't really mean. Take her somewhere nice and quiet and make sure she feels relaxed before telling her how you feel.
- "Hey, Maria, I wanted to ask you something in private. You have a moment?"
- "Maria, let's go for a walk, I have something I wanted to get off my chest."
- "Hey, Maria, can I grab you for a second?"
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3
Let her know, briefly, that you appreciate her friendship. Let her know you enjoy her company, and that you've had a lot of fun together. Keep this quick so that you get to the point faster.^{[3]
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- "You know you're incredibly amazing to talk to, right?"
- "I'm really happy we got to know each other this year."
- "You know I can tell you anything. You've been an incredible friend."
4
Take a deep breath and tell her how you feel. This is the hard part, but if you take a deep breath, count to three, and let it out, you'll feel much better.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} As long as it comes from the heart, you should be proud of your courage.
- "I like you."
- "I just wanted you to know that I like you."
- "Maria, I can't keep pretending that I don't have feelings for you. You're too amazing not to have feelings for."
- "I love having you as my friend. But I'd like to make us more than friends."^{[5]
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5
Assure her that she doesn't need to make a decision if she needs time to think. She may be completely taken aback by your feelings, and need time to process her own. Give her that time.
- "You don't have to feel the same way as I do, but I really need to tell you that I like you a lot."
- "I don't want you to feel weird or pressured! I just want to let you know how I feel."
- "I know this seems like a lot at once. I've clearly had a lot more time to think about it than you. But I'm here for you if you want to talk about it more."
6
Ask her out on a date.^{[6]
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Research source} Be ready with a specific time and day to date. If she agrees to something more, make it "official" with a nice night out together.
- "I'm really happy when I'm with you and I want this chance to make you as happy as you make me. Will you go out with me to dinner on Friday and give me that chance?"
- "I would be really honored if you would give me the chance to get to know you better. Would you be willing to come with me to the Art of Video Games exhibit this weekend?"
- "Hey, I have tickets to the ball game this weekend. I would really like it if you would come with me so that we could have some more time to talk, just the two of us."
7
Avoid drama or big "romantic" gestures. All of the gimmicks and lines from the movies don't really work in real life. Just be yourself and keep it simple -- it's all you really need to get your feelings out. Some things not to do or say include:
- "I love you." It is way too early for that, especially if this is the first she's ever heard of your crush.
- "I don't want to be friends if we can't be dating." These kind of ultimatums trap people and make them feel terrible. Not the most romantic maneuver.^{[7]
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- "I've been into you for months and months." Keep it casual as can be. You want her to feel welcomed and safe, not pressured all of a sudden.
- "I like you like bees and honey, like the wind over the sea and the blah blah blah...." Keep it simple and direct.

Part 2

Part 2 of 5:

Being Friends

1
Spend time together in groups. Become friends with a girl by working your way into her social circle. Join clubs that she's in or hang out at parties or gatherings where you know she'll be. Let her get to know your face, talk to her more and more often, and you'll be friends before you know it.
2
Get to really know her. Know her likes and dislikes, her quirks and pet peeves. This sets you up for success; girls don't want to date someone that just likes them because they're pretty. They want someone who really "gets" them. Talk about things like religion, politics, where she grew up, her family, and other important topics. Talk about dumb stuff too!
- You should also let her know you! Strike up friendly conversations and let her do most of the talking, but take a turn yourself every now and then.
- Listen to her and show that you care and are there for her.^{[8]
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  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
3
Experience her passions and let her experience yours. Support her in the things she likes to do. Learn about the activity and maybe even learn to enjoy it yourself. Even if you don't or can't, attend plays or performances that she does. She should feel like you get the things that make her happy in life. You should also let her see you enjoying the things that you love. Passion is contagious and very attractive.
4
Be a good friend. Establish yourself as a good friend by being there for her when she's having a hard time, helping her with problems when you can, making her laugh when you can't, and keeping her life fun by always finding new things to enjoy together! Don't fear the friend zone: if you're really compatible it won't matter how long you've been friends; she'll be responsive to your feelings.

Part 3

Part 3 of 5:

Bonding

1
Create a bond of trust between you. You need to create an environment of trust. Be faithful before you ever ask her out and never let her catch you flirting with or spending a ton of time with other girls. Tell her secrets and when she tells you hers, keep them. Never judge her or laugh at her for the things she tells you. She should feel like she can tell you anything.^{[9]
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2
Get quality one-on-one time. If you want to begin to help her develop serious feelings for you, you two need to spend some time together where you can really focus on each other. Ask her to go with you to something you have to do, not as a date but just as friends.^{[10]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} You can also ask her to come over to do something with you (watch a movie she's never seen, try out a video game, etc).
3
Let her know how amazing she is. She should feel good when she's with you. Make her feel important and good about herself. Compliment her, never put her down, and always encourage her to reach for the things she wants. Let her know when you see her do something well, even if it's just something small like helping someone else.^{[11]
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4
Give her space. One reason why many people are reluctant about dating is because they worry that in dating someone they'll lose the ability really to be themselves. They think they'll lose all their free time, their friends, or that people will see them differently. Set yourself apart by helping her see that she doesn't need to be afraid of that with you. Have your own things that you go out and do and help her find fun things to do on her own.

Part 4

Part 4 of 5:

Improving Yourself

1
Try, try again. If she says no, it's not the end of the world. You'll feel sad but you will find someone else. You don't want to try to force feelings or a relationship between the two of you. You deserve someone who likes you as much as you like her. It's not your fault that she doesn't return your feelings and it's not her fault either: some people just aren't compatible. What you can do though is work on making sure that the next time you develop feelings for a girl, you'll be the best version of yourself that you can be. This is the best way to ensure that the right girl will return your feelings.
2
Tell her face-to-face if you can. It's scary but you should try to tell her in person how you feel. Using a text, email, other friend, or other method just makes you seem childish and like you don't really care that much.
3
Take care of your body. When we don't take care of our bodies, it tells other people that we don't think we're worth taking care of or liking at all. You're awesome and you should treat yourself like you are! Respect yourself and take care of your body. Wash regularly, wear a deodorant, and wear clean clothes that fit and look good on your body.
4
Do things in life. No one will want to date someone who just does nothing, who is nothing. Show girls that you're a full, interesting person by getting yourself up off the couch and doing things. Do a sport, learn a skill, join some clubs, focus on schoolwork: do whatever makes you happy.^{[12]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
5
Work to help others. You want any girl that hears about you or gets to know you to know you as a good person. Work on your personality if you tend to be self-centered, always be kind to everyone around you, and maybe even do some volunteer work. These kinds of things attract the good kind of girl that you want to date.
6
Learn some cool skills. If you don't have too much else going for you, you can always get a girl's interest by having some cool skills or talents.^{[13]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If you're not already good at something, take the opportunity to learn a new skill! This will help you with girls and be rewarding for you in the long run.
7
Make sure she's available. This might take some getting to know her or even secretly getting her friends in on your plans, but if she's already trying to get some other guy to date her, she might not be very receptive when you tell her how you feel. Even if she has feelings for another guy, you can still try. Just be ready for some sad days.

Part 5

Part 5 of 5:

Learning More

1
Learn how to ask her out. Not everyone is a seasoned pro at asking girls out. If you're scared to tell her because you don't know what to say: don't worry. It's not as hard as it seems.
2
Learn to act confident. Confidence is really important when dealing with someone you like. An attractive trait for just about anybody, it's a good skill to master if you want to get your girl.
3
Learn how to have better conversations. If you want a girl to really develop strong feelings for you, it's often going to come down to how good your conversations are. Get good at starting and maintaining a conversation to make her want to have more of you in her life.

Community Q&A

Question

How do I ask out someone who is out of my league without getting rejected?

Community Answer

Be confident. Approach her like you would anyone else, and do not act like you think she's out of your league. Be direct and ask her out. If she says no, there's nothing you can do about that, but having confidence will give you a good chance with her.
Question

Can I tell a girl I like her or ask her out over the phone?

ShadowVentus

Community Answer

You could, but it's not as powerful as doing so in person.
Question

How do I tell someone I like them when they're in my class and I don't want it to be awkward?

Community Answer

Just try to find a place where you can be alone and tell her how you feel. Tell her it's totally fine if she doesn't feel the same way and you still want to be friends no matter what. If she rejects you, you might feel a little awkward at first, but it will get easier with time.

Warnings

Tell her that you like her in person. Don't call, don't text - tell her personally. It may seem scarier, but it'll mean more to her and it'll be less awkward and easier to talk.

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Kiss or ask her too early, and your chance just melted away.

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