How to Get a Girl You Like to Like You Back

Unrequited love might be a great plot point in the movies, but it’s no fun to deal with in real life. If you like a girl who doesn’t seem to feel the same way, you might be ready to throw in the towel. Before you give up completely, take a moment to re-evaluate your mindset. To make your romantic intentions known, try and find subtle but respectful ways to flirt with her whenever you spend time together. Finally, make an effort to invest yourself emotionally into her interests as well as the daily events of her life. Whether you’re interacting in person or online, it’s worth a try to take a romantic leap of faith!

Method 1
Method 1 of 2:

Flirting in a Respectful Way

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    Make meaningful eye contact whenever you’re together. Let your crush know that you’re focused on her by keeping your eyes centered on her. While you don’t want to just stare at her, focused eye contact can demonstrate your interest and investment in a conversation, especially if you nod periodically.[1] [2]

    Warning: When your gaze shifts all over the room, it’s a sign that you lack confidence or don’t care about what she has to say. That probably won’t seem appealing to most girls.

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    Determine if you both have similar values. Pay attention to the girl and see what kinds of personality traits and personal values appeal to her. Does she prefer the studious, serious, and morally grounded individuals, or the carefree, impulsive, and brash people? Do her preferences line up with your own values? If not, you might be setting yourself up for an incompatible relationship. [3]
    • For instance, if she prefers to spend her nights inside but you prefer going to parties, you both might have some difficulty arriving at any common ground.
    • Don’t change your personality and interests to better mesh with the girl that you like. While it’s great if you want to get involved with her hobbies and interests, it’s far less great to build a relationship on the foundation of a fake shared interest.
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    Act chivalrously when you spend time together. See if she prefers it when you act in a traditional, chivalrous manner, like holding the door. If she seems to like this kind of behavior, make an effort to dish out the formalities. Whenever you act chivalrous, do your best to act subtly, instead of making your romantic gestures obvious.[4]
    • Some girls don’t like acts of chivalry. Make sure you know your crush’s opinion on this before you do anything.
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    Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Take a chance and ask her if she’d like to grab a meal or see a movie with you. While this can seem like a risky romantic maneuver, you can clearly show your intentions without anything getting lost in translation. Only ask her once, and accept her answer after she gives it to you. If she doesn’t want to go on a date, respect her decision.[5]
    • Try and come up with a fairly specific plan for your date. The term “hang out” might be too ambiguous for some girls.
    • For example, say something like: “Hey! I was wondering if you’d like to meet up for dinner on Friday. I know a great Italian restaurant in town. Would you be interested?”
    • You can ask her out in-person, online, or over text.
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    Make an effort to get along with her friends. Pay attention to the people she hangs out with. While you don’t want to come off as a stalker, you can end up appearing very friendly and genuine by trying to meet and get along with her closest mates. Start with basic conversation when talking to her friends and being as cordial and genuine as possible.[6]
    • This can be a trickier route to navigate if you do most of your chatting and messaging online. Keep your distance by messaging her friends with a basic and friendly greeting, if you choose to contact them at all.
    • Make it clear that you’re not trying to flirt with her friends, as this could give her the wrong idea. Whenever you talk with her friends, keep your conversations completely casual without any hint of romantic interest.
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    Listen to her whenever she speaks. Give the girl your full attention when she talks to you, whether it’s a relaxed or serious topic. If you display an interest in the mundane aspects of her life, you’ll appear to be a genuine, caring person. If you make her feel valued, she might be more interested in pursuing a relationship with you.[7] [8]
    • Make an effort to be active and engaged whenever she talks to you.
    • For instance, try saying something like: “Hey! How did your chemistry test end up going?”
    • Listening is the most important thing you can do. She'll be able to tell if you're not really paying attention.[9]

    Tip: Do your best to remember any major events that she mentions, like an upcoming test or appointment.

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    Go out of your way to remember her favorite things. Pay attention to what she likes, such as her food preferences and favorite color. The next time you see her, bring a snack or drink that’s in a flavor she really enjoys. Additionally, try asking for or offering different music recommendations, as this could give you both something fun to talk about.[10]
    • For example, try asking her something like this: “I was listening to the radio the other day and heard a song by this new indie band. Are you into indie music at all?”
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    Compliment her in a genuine way. Make a nice statement her sense of style, or something you like about her personality or work ethic. As you speak, make the compliment as heartfelt as possible, whether it’s about her new haircut or about the kind way she treats others.[11]
    • For instance, try saying something like: “You’re such a kind and caring person. I really admire how you always put everyone else first.”
    • While physical compliments can be flattering, avoid making any remarks that might seem objectifying. Don’t mention specific parts of her body; instead, highlight aspects of her outfit that you like.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 2:

Maintaining the Correct Mindset

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    View yourself in a humble but self-assured manner. Know your own worth before you interact with others. Think about your own goals and accomplishments, and where you’d like to be in the future as an individual. Remember that these interests will always be yours, and that they won’t be compromised if a romantic relationship doesn’t pan out with the girl you like.[12]
    • No one likes an arrogant person; in fact, arrogance usually indicates that a person is insecure. Instead, try living your life in a calm, self-assured way—girls will find this much more attractive.
    • Don’t feel the need to boast about your accomplishments. Any worthwhile achievement can speak for itself.
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    Keep a patient attitude while you get closer with her. Always remember that your potential relationship won’t take shape in a single day. Take things slow whenever you talk and interact with her, and pay attention for signals that she might be interested in you. If you try and rush into a relationship, you might turn the girl off and ruin any future chances of dating.[13]
    • For example, don’t immediately try asking her out. Wait several weeks or months to see if she likes spending time with you.
    • If a girl expresses a lot of interest in hanging out later on, it’s a very good sign that she enjoys spending time with you.
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    Take your own life and future seriously. Don’t view your own life as a joke, or believe that your sole reason for existing is to get into a romantic relationship. Set a tentative plan for your future, thinking ahead for the kind of career that you’d like to pursue. If you take yourself seriously, a girl is more likely to view you in a serious light, as well.[14]
    • Whether you’re having an online or in-person conversation with the girl you like, don’t be afraid to mention your plans for the future. You can invite her to share her goals and dreams, as well!
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    Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. Maintain a self-confident attitude, but don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself once in awhile. You’ll come off as insincere and conceited if you’re unable to acknowledge any of your own faults.[15]
    • For instance, if you don’t pay much attention to how you look, you might comment on how it looks like you dressed yourself in the dark.
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    Avoid needy behavior when you interact with her. Don’t appear overly eager to get into a relationship.[16] If you try and force a friendship with the girl, you’ll make it look like you value a romantic relationship over a basic friendship. Instead, take a few steps back and let the girl have her space.[17]
    • If you come off as needy, you’re all but guaranteed to lose her interest.
    • Some especially needy behaviors you’ll want to avoid are messaging her constantly when she doesn’t reply; repeatedly looking for her when you’re at school or work; and perpetually nagging her to hang out with you.

    Tip: If you express romantic interest and the girl shuts you down, accept her decision and move on. If you keep trying to push the issue, she may start to dislike you.

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Community Q&A
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    What if you text her but she doesn't answer?
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    Give her some space. If she’s not replying, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t want to talk to you. She could be busy, or she might have left her phone in another room. Regardless, try to wait a day or so before messaging her again.
  • Question
    What if she hates you?
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    If she doesn’t seem interested, try giving her some space. She won’t feel positively about you if you’re repeatedly trying to force a conversation.
  • Question
    Ok so I am in school I like this one girl I have done all of this it does not work she used to like me but I quess im too ugly.
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    Be confident in yourself! Think about all of your positive qualities instead of focusing on how the girl views you. The next time you see her, try starting a conversation! If she still doesn’t seem interested, give yourself some time to heal and sort out your feelings.
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Tip

  • Use a funny pick-up line if the mood seems right. This works best if you’re on a pretty friendly basis with the girl, instead of just meeting her for the first time.[18]

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References

  1. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a25363090/how-to-get-your-crush-to-like-you/
  2. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  3. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g2478/how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you/#5
  4. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g2478/how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you/#12
  5. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a25363090/how-to-get-your-crush-to-like-you/#1
  6. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g2478/how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you/#1
  7. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a25363090/how-to-get-your-crush-to-like-you/#2
  8. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  9. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  1. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g2478/how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you/#10
  2. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a25363090/how-to-get-your-crush-to-like-you/
  3. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a25363090/how-to-get-your-crush-to-like-you/#12
  4. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g2478/how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you/#13
  5. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g2478/how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you/#4
  6. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g2478/how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you/#7
  7. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/escape-the-friend-zone-going-just-friends-more
  9. ↑ https://www.lovedignity.com/30-pick-up-lines-that-will-make-her-smile/

About This Article

Cher Gopman
Co-authored by:
Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Cher Gopman and by wikiHow staff writer, Janice Tieperman. Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post. This article has been viewed 384,358 times.
15 votes - 67%
Co-authors: 53
Updated: June 24, 2021
Views: 384,358
Categories: Getting a Girlfriend
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