How to Make a Girl Attracted to You

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld

Last Updated: October 23, 2022 References Approved

While you can't actually force anyone to like you, there are simple ways to make yourself more interesting to the opposite sex. With a little effort on your part, plus a good dose of self-belief and a willingness to go out on a limb, you just may find yourself attracting the girl of your dreams. Go on, go and get her with your positive attitude, and caring, calm attentiveness.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Looking Your Best

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Develop good grooming habits. Spending time on your looks is important.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} Don't go overboard, but make sure that you dress well. Take the time to comb your hair and have a neat, clean cut appearance. It will convince the girl that you've made an effort for her, which tells her she is special to you. If you go out wearing the same dirty clothing that you wore yesterday, it will appear that you don't care and might make her think that you're not actually interested or that you don't value her opinion enough.
- Wear a little cologne. Just don't overdo it or it will be overpowering. You want her to focus on you, not the overwhelming scent around you.
2
Smile. A smile can help relax the tension when you are just getting to know someone. It says you're confident and having fun. A good smile can even make you seem more successful. ^{[2]
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Research source}
- The key to smiling is to be genuine. When people are really happy and having fun, it usually is the eyes that express the emotion to others.
- Smiling too quickly can seem contrived. When you smile, slowly pull back the corners of your mouth.
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3
Stay fit.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} You don't need to be ripped, just eat right and exercise to keep your body in good shape. Women are more likely to find a man attractive if he takes care of himself. It will help you to feel more confident too.
- Get your rest, too. You may not realize how much the dark circles under your eyes make you less attractive, but women do.
4
Improve your life. Don't worry about what you can say or how you can dress to make women like you. Focus on what you can do to improve yourself.^{[4]
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Research source} Have passions that you love, and follow them.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} Once you start going after the other things you want to achieve in life, aside from picking up women, you will start to notice women can sense your drive and ambition and will be drawn to it.
- Success goes further than being wealthy. Perhaps you want to learn more, or sing in a band or climb a mountain. The kind of guy who goes after these dreams is the kind of guy that will have more success attracting women.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Approaching a Girl

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Be confident. Even if you aren't feeling very confident yet, fake it until you make it. Look her in the eyes, stand up straight and keep your hands out of your pockets.^{[6]
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Research source} Speak clearly and project your voice so she can easily hear you.
- Even though girls admire confidence, don't gloat so much come across as self-absorbed.
- Relax. Men that are relaxed are more attractive than those that are stressed out.^{[7]
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  Research source}
2
Approach her from the side or the front. Be sure that she can see you coming. When you approach from behind a woman, it can set off her protective instinct. Approach from the front so she won't feel alarmed.
- Since most people decide if they like someone in the first 30 seconds, it's important to make them count.^{[8]
  X
  Research source} If you get approach her in a way that is immediately uncomfortable for her, you may have a hard time making a good impression.
3
Strike up a conversation. Talking to girls can take guts, but it's something you're going to have to do to make a girl interested in you. Just power through the initial awkwardness. It may take you some time to get used to starting up a natural conversation, but the more you attempt to approach women the better you will be at it.
- Don't use a pick-up line. She probably heard it before. Just say, "Hi." If you're looking to be more original, "Hello" works too.
- Introduce yourself. Shake her hand gently, too.
- If you're at school or somewhere and she is talking with a group of friends, move nearby so as to overhear the conversation. Then interrupt to ask a question about their conversation. It doesn't even matter what they are saying. For example, if she says something like, "It was such a good movie," just interrupt and ask "what movie?" Instead of hitting on her you are suddenly just part of her conversation and she is likely to give you a few moments.
4
Keep your opener simple. Don't dive in with compliments, or start an awkward conversation about the weather. Start a conversation as naturally as possible, like you're chatting up someone you already know.
- Tell her a funny personal story. You can even make one up ahead of time. If you can make her laugh right away she will likely enjoy your company.
- Use an indirect opener. An indirect opener can let you start a conversation while staying under the radar. For example try saying, "What is a good place to get a drink around here?" She might offer a suggestion, then you can work up a conversation. After you talk with her for awhile, you can ask her to go to the place she suggested.
- If you're younger and approaching a girl in school, there are lots of opportunities to open a conversation. For example, whether you have a class together or not ask, "Don't we have a class together?" Even if you don't you can insist you do, or say you are pretty sure you've met before. Then, ask her name and keep the conversation going.
- Try a situational opener. Depending on where you are, you might start a conversation by pointing out something around you. For example, if there is music playing you can ask "Do you know who sings this song?" Whether she knows or not, you can comment on how good or bad the song is and, before you know it, you're talking about all sorts of topics.
5
Be natural. Don't try too hard to memorize pickup lines or work from some script. It will only clog up your brain and make it hard to have a comfortable conversation. Don't be afraid to fail or get shot down. The only way to get better at talking to women is to practice until you get comfortable doing it. Once you have a little success, you will start to build more confidence and find that approaching girls is not as hard as you once believed.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Flirting with a Girl

1
Listen to what she is saying. Converse with her by asking questions and making comments about what she is saying. You should always go the extra mile to keep the conversation going if you are interested. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer to keep her talking more and telling you more about herself. For example, instead of asking if she likes music, ask "Who are your favorite musicians?"
- If you're struggling to find something to say to keep the conversation going, try saying something like, "That's really fascinating, tell me more about that."
- Give her your full attention. Don't go looking around at other girls, or the room, or even your cell phone. If you make positive noises, like "uh huh" or "right" during her pauses it will prevent you from seeming cold and encourage her to keep talking.
2
Build your value. It doesn't matter what you say as long as she feels like she keeps hearing more reasons to talk to you. Be funny, or let her see your life is exciting, or that you are incredibly smart, or successful or romantic. If you can keep showing her you possess positive qualities and bring them to the conversation, she will be anxious to keep you around and learn more about you.
3
Act vulnerable. You might be a total tough guy and maybe it has worked for you in the past. A girl may need to see that there is more to a guy before she is attracted to him. Even if you don't really think you have a soft side, you may need to show her one. Talk about something that made you sad, or when you tried to do the right thing but failed. Find a story about yourself that will let her feel she is getting to know the real you and show her you have an emotional side.
- Don't be an open book. While it is good to open up, know when to shut it down. You don't want to talk too much about your shortcomings, or bring a negative tone to the conversation.
4
Be passionate. Talk about what you really care most about and let her see how much it matters to you. Women are more likely to be attracted to a man that is driven, has a purpose, and knows what he wants from life.
- You can talk about places you really want to travel to and where you have been. Talk about how much you love doing what you do. You can even be very passionate about music, books, painting or skydiving. Bring up whatever it is that really matters to you.
5
Show her she matters. Being the center of attention makes a person feel good. Try complimenting her, perhaps notice her hair, or the way she laughs, or something she has done that has impressed you.
- You can also try giving her a nickname. Something fun and playful can help ease the tension and build a connection.^{[9]
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  Research source} If you notice she is always eating a blueberry muffin for breakfast at work or school, you can call her "muffin" or "blue."
- Maintain eye contact when talking to her.^{[10]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} This helps to reassure her that she is the center of your attention and lets her know you're actually listening.
6
Be a man. One of the biggest mistakes guys make is to soften up too much around women. Modern men have been trained to be less manly in order to come off as less threatening. You don't need to act hard or macho to be seen as an alpha male. However, be courageous and take action.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- Keep your eyes up. Don't look at the floor. This can project insecurities and a lack of confidence. Keeping your chin up projects pride and confidence which is more likely to appeal to a woman.
- Make your intentions clear. You don't have to say something blunt like, "I want you." Casually interject that she is "good-looking," or "stunning," or something along those lines to show you find her attractive. Do this early on in your conversation so she knows what you are looking for.
- Touch her. Don't be afraid to put your hand on her back, or touch her gently on the hands. You don't want to make any moves that are too aggressive, but be an alpha male by letting her know your intentions. Be sure to judge her reactions. If she seems uncomfortable, don't push it.
7
Be a positive force. Have the same energy that she has during the conversation. Slightly more energy is okay, too.
- Even if she rejects you, remain upbeat. She may come around to seeing things your way (but if she doesn't, just let it go––don't be a stalker). Showing that you are man enough to handle her decision and still be confident and happy will likely impress her.
8
Play hard to get. Leave a bit of uncertainty about your interest in her. Women will tend to think about men more when they are not sure how much a man likes her.^{[12]
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Research source} If you tell her that you think she is the most amazing woman in the world right away, she will not wonder about your feelings. If you can let her know you're interested, but make her wonder exactly how interested you are, she will likely have trouble getting your encounter out of her head.
- Be busy. Tell her you really want to take her out, but you're so busy lately that you can't make any promises. This makes you seem important and in demand. That you have a full and interesting life. That you like her, but that she will have to work to win you. Suddenly she finds herself the pursuer in the relationship and you are something to obtain.
9
Ask her to leave with you. Take a line from Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love and say, "Let's get out of here." Instead of posing a question, this statement infers you are already together.^{[13]
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Research source} It doesn't matter if you go somewhere else together, or go to your house, if she agrees to leave with you, then you know you have her very attracted to you.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Reading Signs of Attraction

1
Read her body language. If a woman is facing you most of the time, you have her interest. If she is turning her head often to check out the rest of the room, then she is probably looking at other options. A woman's body facing a room full of people is an unconscious way of appearing available, whereas a woman that is facing you, is focused on you.
2
Watch the area between your bodies. If she is holding her purse or jacket in between you, then she is creating a barrier.^{[14]
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Research source} She might not even realize that she is doing it, but that doesn't mean you should ignore the implications. It could mean that she is a guarded person, or that she is not quite sure about you yet. Either way, you should know it might be a sign that might not be turned on.
- If she is creeping in on your personal space, there is a good chance she is doing it intentionally. Just be sure you aren't the one who is actually moving closer.
3
Listen for secrets. If she has no interest in you, she won't be sharing an embarrassing story from her past. Even if she isn't sharing anything too deep or personal, if she is opening up at all, you're doing something right.
4
Notice when she touches you. If a girl is not into you, she won't have any desire to put her hands on you. If she does, even in a way that is seemingly innocent, it could be a good sign she has some interest. Be sure to touch her back in a similar fashion.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do you start a conversation with a girl?

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.

David Kornel Z

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Don't be afraid to approach her. The exact way you do this will depend on the situation you're in, but you can strike up a conversation by complimenting her or asking questions like "Have you been here before?" or "How's your day going?" That will show her that you're confident and bold, which can seem very attractive.
Question

How can I attract any girl?

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.

David Kornel Z

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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Be your best self. When you're talking to a girl, don't worry about trying to act like somebody else. If you think you're a friendly person, be friendly. If you like getting to know people, ask questions to get to know her better. If the initial conversation goes well, don't be afraid to be bold. Try saying something like "Hey, I have some things I have to do, but I'd love to continue this conversation. Would you like to get coffee sometime?"
Question

How can I impress a girl by chatting?

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.

David Kornel Z

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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Engage with other people who might be around. If the girl you're interested in is with friends, speak to them, too. You will need some one-on-one time with her eventually so you can get to know each other better, but starting out, you'll have to win over her friends if you want it to go anywhere.