How to Get a Girlfriend in High School

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: February 10, 2023 References

Getting a high school girl to date you can be tricky. To get her to like you, you have to make a great impression, keep her hooked, and ask her out with the right amount of confidence. But don't be intimidated — if you play your cards right and follow these easy steps, you'll have a high school girl as your girlfriend in no time.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Her Attention

1
Stand out. This is the first step to getting the girl's attention. If you look or act like everyone else, you won't catch her eye. This doesn't mean that you should go out of your way to do weird things or to wear neon, but it does mean that you should take a chance and be original when you can. Here's how to do it:
- Impress her with your wit. If you're in a class or a social situation, make a witty comment while everyone else is still thinking to show her how sharp and funny you are.
- Wow her with your charm. Learn how to be smooth when you talk to anyone, whether it's your English teacher or your shy lab partner. Being charming means being able to talk to anyone and make people feel at ease no matter what, and if you do that, she will be impressed.
- Focus on being playful and light-hearted by smiling, waving, and/or winking. That kind of behavior and attitude really allows people to disarm and open up.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Be a jack of all trades. If you're a history buff, lacrosse star, and the lead of the school play, she will notice you. Obviously you can't do everything, but the more active you are in school, the likely she'll be to run into you and be impressed by your skills.
- Don't stand out in a bad way. If you're the kid who always gets detention or talks back to his teachers, she may find you amusing, but she will not see you as boyfriend material.
2
Don't act confident — be confident. Let's face it. High school is not a time when people are at their most confident. Not only is your body and voice changing, but you're walking around filled with confusing hormones and new emotions, while trying to balance your school work and navigating a tricky social arena. Though the people around you may appear confident, it's likely that they're just masking their deep insecurities with arrogance, and that's exactly what you should avoid. Here's how to make her notice you by being truly confident:^{[2]
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- Take the time to look good. This doesn't mean spending hours gelling your hair or grinning in front of the mirror. Just make sure to take regular showers, style your hair, and wear clothes that flatter your body and show off your style. Oh, and make sure to wear pants that actually fit you.
- Pursue your interests. Seriously. No matter how "nerdy" you may feel your real interests may be, if you're really passionate about something, you will make it cool. Don't try out for the football team just because that's what all of your friends are doing if you'd rather play golf, or join the French club. She won't be impressed by you if you look like a follower. Followers do not have confidence.
- Don't be afraid to be enthusiastic. Though you may think real confidence is looking too cool for school and slouching in your seat in the back of the class, real confidence means wanting to learn and being excited by the world. If you're interested in something in class, ask questions. She'll be impressed that you're so comfortable with who you are that you do whatever you want.
- Address your flaws. Part of being confident means knowing you're not perfect. Everyone in high school has plenty of growing to do, and that's natural. If you know you need to work on being more sensitive or a better friend, then do it.
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3
Be fun. Girls want to have fun, and they don't want to be with a guy who is dark or mopey. Though you can't have a smile on your face all the time and high school can be rough, make it look like you're having a good time, and pretty soon you'll actually start having a good time and she'll want to join you. Here's how to do it:^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
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- Be friends with everyone. Though navigating high school cliques can be tricky and you can't be a part of every friend group, you should take the time to get to know a variety of people. This will show the girl that you're friendly and don't care about the status of the people that you talk to, and that you're a versatile person.
- Drop the haters. Don't hang out with dudes who are mean to women, or who pick on the uncool kids. Girls are completely turned off by that, and you should avoid hanging out with haters or you'll look like one too.
- Always be laughing. Laugh and smile as much as you can. If you're surrounded by a force field of positive energy, the girl of your dreams will gravitate toward you.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making Her Feel Special

1
Start hanging out with her during school. Once the girl has noticed you, it's time to kick your game up a notch by paying her more attention. You should still play it cool and act like you're not too eager to hang out with her, but slowly start showing her that you think she's a cool chick during school. Here's how you can do it:
- Make sure you give her plenty of space and distance so she doesn't feel like her personal space is being invaded.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Stop to chat at her locker. Say "hey" and ask where her next class is. Make it look like you're just passing by. You can make her laugh by saying, "Mind if I check my hair?" and squinting into her locker mirror.
- Start walking with her in the halls. Everyone knows that one major role of the high school boyfriend is walking his girl from class to class, even if it's the classes are miles apart. If you're in the same class, walk with her to the next one, and make her laugh as you're getting there. You can play it cool and say goodbye to get to your own class halfway through. Just give her a taste of how awesome it would be to have you as a boyfriend.
- Charm her in class. Be smooth by knowing all the answers to your teacher's questions without being a know-it all. Make your classmates snicker from time to time without being a class clown. Look over at her to see her reaction.
- Focus on getting to know her as a person without pushing anything on her. If she feels like you're approaching her with an agenda, she might not be interested.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
2
Catch her eye at school events. Whether you're at the school play or the school dance, there are a few ways to show her she's special and make her want to hang out with you. You should find a balance between playing hard to get and putting all your cards on the table. Here's how to do it:
- If you see her at the school play or talent show, ask her how she likes it. Show her that her opinion matters to you. Don't linger too long — just long enough to make her wish you'd stay.
- If you're at the school dance, come up to her and dance like a goofball and then look very serious when you ask her if she likes your moves. If she's really into it, you can ask her to dance.
- If you're in the same club or do the same sport, ask her how she is without fawning all over her.
3
Get her hooked after school. If you see the girl at a party or at the mall, that may be your best chance to isolate her a bit and make her see that you'd be the best boyfriend ever. Once you're away from school property, you can relax a bit and let loose, and show her who you really are without being so worried about what everyone else is thinking.
- If you run into her at the mall, ask what stores she went to. If she has a bag, ask her what she got and tell her you bet it'll look great on her. Bonus points if you say something when you see her rocking the sweater she showed you in school.
- If you run into her at the movies, ask her what she saw or what she's seeing. Give your opinion on a recent movie you saw. Just avoid saying that everything sucks.
- If you see her at a party, chat her up. But don't talk to her all night. Talk to a few other girls to show you can hang with anyone. Just don't flirt with anyone else so much that she doesn't feel special.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Asking Her to Be Yours

1
Ask her out on a date. In high school, once you start going on dates with a girl, it basically means she's your girlfriend, but you still have to play it cool when you ask her out. If she says yes, it doesn't mean she's your girlfriend — she's just trying you out as boyfriend material. So when you do go on a date with her, you better be your best self. Here's what you do:^{[6]
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- Be romantic. Get her flowers, open doors, and give her your coat if it's even a little cold. High school guys can be a bit dense, so you may be the first guy to treat her this kindly.
- Don't be afraid to compliment her.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} You don't have to shower her with affection when you first see her, but you should definitely say, "You look nice tonight." You can even compliment her clothes or jewelry. She obviously spent a lot of time trying to look her best and will appreciate your comments.
- Catch her interest. Unless you're sitting in a movie, you'll have to strike up an interesting conversation. Come prepared with a few interesting things to say, whether it's related to one of her interests, your family, or just something funny that happened in school. Avoid putting people down or saying everything is lame.
- Take her somewhere that makes her feel special. Take her on a cute mini-golfing date and then go out for ice cream. If there's a new fancy restaurant in town, take her there if it's her thing. If she really wanted to go to the movies and local restaurant, fine. But treat it like a real date and try paying for everything if she lets you.
- Always make her feel special. Without sounding like an interviewer, you should ask her about her interests, her friends, her family, and her opinion on a variety of subjects.
- Turn your phone OFF during this time.
2
Ask her to be your girlfriend. You can ask her at the end of the date, after your first kiss, or a little while after your first date. Once she's ready, you should ask her, because you don't want her think you're just a player who wants to hook up. As soon as the moment feels right and you're alone, you can pop the question.
- Make sure you're somewhere quiet, where your friends or her friends can't hear you.
- Lock eyes. Turn your body toward her to show she has your complete attention.
- Be simple. Just say, "I really like spending time with you," or "I've never met someone like you before." Then say, "Will you be my girlfriend?"
- Do not have your friends ask her to be your girlfriend. This isn't middle school. You're in the big leagues now.
3
React like a gentleman. Whether she wants to be your girlfriend or out-right rejects you, you should act like the confident, mature person you have been throughout your friendship. If she says yes, you can hug her or even kiss her and say it makes you so happy. But if she turns you down, you have to take it well or you'll look like a big jerk.^{[8]
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- If she says yes, have a mini-celebration. You don't have to do a little fist-pumping dance, but you can show her how much you care about her.
- If she says no, don't sweat it. Just say, "All right. You can't blame me for trying." End with a compliment and wish her luck. High school is all about finding the kind of girl you really like, and though she may seem like the only decent girl around, your high school or town is filled with amazing girls. Now that you've had some experience trying to get a girl, it'll only be easier to find someone who really wants to be your girlfriend.