How to Get a Guy You Don't Like to Stop Liking You

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: October 12, 2019 References Approved

Do you have a guy that you are not interested in that won't get the hint? It can be awkward if someone likes you and you don't like him back. You can take steps to show that you aren't interested, including being direct and telling him you don't reciprocate his feelings and using body language and other signals. Keep in mind that you can't change someone's feelings. He has a right to feel what he does — but he doesn't have a right to keep bothering you when you tell him to stop.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Trying the Direct Approach

1
Tell the guy you don't like him in person. One way to try to get him to stop liking you is to simply tell him that you're not interested in person. You don't need to be mean about it, just direct and straightforward. The next time you see him, bring it up with him to help ease his attentions.^{[1]
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- You could say, "John, you seem to be interested in me as a girlfriend. I wanted to let you know that I don't feel the same way."
2
Try a text. If you can't bring yourself to do it in person, you can always try a text or message. In some ways, it can be better, because it can help save his ego; however, he also might think you don't have enough respect for him to tell him in person. Think about whether he's more of a digital person or a person who likes to deal with things face-to-face to help make your decision about how to tell him.^{[2]
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- Once again, be direct but not mean. You could write, "John, please stop sending me texts. I'm not interested in you in the way you're interested in me."
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3
Don't point out what's wrong with him. It can be tempting to explain why you don't like him. He may even ask why you don't like him; however, that can get nasty very quickly. It's best to just say that you're not interested in him romantically, and then leave it alone.^{[3]
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- For example, saying, "I don't like you because you're ugly," is not going to help the situation at all. Instead, say, "I just don't feel that way about you."
4
Be confident. If you're timid in your assertion that you're not interested, some guys may take that as an indication to work harder to get you to like them; however, if you are confident when you're telling him that you're not interested, that usually will work better to get a guy to back off.^{[4]
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- Speak in a clear, confident tone. Make sure you're standing tall or sitting up straight. Look him in the eye as you say it.
- Also, try not to make it into a question. That is, some people put an upward inflection on the end of a sentence, making it seem like a question rather than a statement. Keep your tone steady.
5
Don't leave the door open. If you leave it open-ended, you're giving him a chance to hope for a relationship in the future. You don't want him to hold on to that possibility when you don't ever plan to date him in the future. Even as you're trying to not be mean, make sure you're closing the door firmly.^{[5]
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- For example, saying "You're a nice guy, and you have a lot of great qualities. You just need to be around me a little less," isn't very definitive.
- You can still start out similarly, but make sure you end on a strong note: "You're a nice guy, but I don't see us being together. I'm not interested in you in that way."

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making the Conversation Go More Smoothly

1
Don't wait to tell him. The longer you wait, the harder the conversation is going to be. He'll have had more time to think about how much he likes you and wants to be with you, which means he may feel even more rejected than he would have if you'd told him earlier. Be kind and do it as soon as you can.^{[6]
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2
Know it's okay to feel nervous. Nobody likes rejecting other people, even if it's someone who's bothering you. You'll probably have a few butterflies in your stomach beforehand, and that's okay. Just acknowledging that you're nervous and that it is normal can help. Also, take a few deep breaths ahead of time to try to calm yourself down.^{[7]
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3
Be prepared for some unhappiness. No matter how nice you are, he may get angry. Even if he doesn't get angry, he will likely still be sad. Try not to make it worse by getting defensive or arguing with him. If he feels like he needs to say something, let him say it. Then just smile and move on.^{[8]
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- Of course, you don't have to stand there and take it if he's cussing you out or saying mean things to you. Walk away if he does.
- If he starts getting violent, walk away, and call the police. Try to find a safe place to be.
4
Don't engage. Once you've told him, try not to engage with him anymore, especially if he turns mean. If he's trying to send you texts and messages to figure out why you don't like him, just ignore him. Engaging with him won't change anything.^{[9]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Showing You're Not Interested

1
Use your body language. Body language says a lot about how you feel about someone. Showing the guy you don't like him through your body language can sometimes get him to back off, even if it takes him a while to get the hint. It may not make him stop liking you instantly, but he'll learn that he's not going to get anywhere with you.^{[10]
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- Turn your body away from him, as that's a physical indicator that you don't like him.
- Also, cross your arms around him.
- You could also frown at him, as that will indicate you're not interested.
2
Avoid being overly talkative. When you're attracted to someone, you tend to want to talk to him and tell stories about yourself; therefore, when you talk a lot to someone you don't like much, it may give him the wrong impression. If you're too talkative, it can seem like you have an interest in him.^{[11]
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- Keep any conversations you need to have with him short and to the point. If you see this person at school or work, make sure to only talk to him when necessary.
3
Skip the giggles. Laughing at someone's jokes is a way to show him that you like him. If you're trying to get him to understand that he shouldn't be interested in you, skip laughing at his jokes. If you laugh and smile at him, he may take that as encouragement.^{[12]
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4
Make yourself scarce. In the same vein as avoiding being too talkative, making sure you're around him as little as possible can also get the message across. If you try to avoid seeing him or reject any plans he tries to make with you, he should eventually get the idea that you're not interested and he shouldn't stay interested in you.^{[13]
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5
Travel in groups. Sometimes, a way to avoid interacting with someone is to make sure you're not alone very often. Keep your friends close, or try to find a way to strike up a conversation with someone else if you see him coming. He should get the message you don't want to talk to him.^{[14]
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6
Block him. If he's sending you too many messages or invading your digital space (after you've told him not to), block him. You have a right to not be harassed. Block his number on your phone, and block him on the social media platforms that you use. It should send a clear message that he needs to back out of your life.
7
Be clear and consistent about your boundaries. Push him away if he gets close, and firmly tell him "no." If you keep letting him back in and then pushing him away again, it's only going to muddy the waters. If you don't want him to be interested, make sure you are consistent in telling him "no."

Warnings

Some guys tend to be very persistent. If he continues to harass you, tell a trusted adult. If you are an adult, then consider a restraining order if the situation gets out of hand.

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