This article was co-authored by Ira Israel. Ira Israel is a Licensed Counselor and Psychotherapist who has been in private practice for over 14 years. He specializes in teaching others about happiness and authenticity. Ira teaches sold-out Happiness and Authenticity workshops at Esalen Institute and Kripalu Center and has written over 400 articles on psychology, philosophy, Buddhism, yoga, film, art, music & literature for The Huffington Post, Good Men Project, Mind Body Green, Thrive Global, and Medium. Ira is also the author of How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening. He attended The University of Pennsylvania and has graduate degrees in Psychology, Philosophy, and Religious Studies.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Les Giblin’s book, Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, is a self-help and business text that teaches you how to develop confidence, improve your self-esteem, and become successful in your relationships. While it’s a helpful text if you want to improve your negotiating power or confidence, you may be wondering about how to enact the core principles and put them into practice without reading the book in its entirety. We’ve got you covered!
Steps
Understanding Human Nature
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1Approach human interactions as though it is a trade. Humans trade things of value for other things of value. People who don’t involve themselves in a fair trade may lack confidence or leach confidence from others.
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2Accept that deep human relationships will not always be possible. However, you can learn to deal with people of all types.[1] You may find more success in dealing with people than in trying to develop meaningful relationships with them.
- Although this is more relevant in a business setting, it may be something to take away from certain friendships as well.
- This process can also help you have more meaningful relationships with family members and friends who you do want to be close to.
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3Put the responsibility on yourself to become a better person and a leader. As many experts believe, if you want to rise to a high level in business or the community, you will have to try to build confidence in yourself first before you can lead others.[2]
Building Confidence
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1Establish that there are subconscious things that all humans crave. Giblin believes these things are admiration, acceptance, approval and appreciation.
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2Start with a respect for other people. Dealing with people is about giving them respect in any interaction. If you don’t think other people are important, they are unlikely to respect you in return.[3]
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3Move on to admiration. Notice people and listen to them. Take note about what is important and exceptional about them, and tell them when appropriate.
- Avoid sarcasm. This is a way to undercut people before they feel the admiration that they crave. Positive methods are better than negative methods.
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4Pay attention to what is admirable about you. Journal or think about your worth. Do things that bring you more in touch with what is valuable about you.
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5Accept who you are, with flaws and talents. Just like 12 steps advocates, you should accept the things you can’t change, and you may find you have more time to affect things that can be changed.[4]
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6Give approval and take it in return. Instead of being self-deprecating, thank people and accept their compliments.[5]
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7Be appreciative of yourself and of others. In other words, give thanks for what you have.[6] Avoid being ungrateful of what others contribute to you.
Understanding and Exerting Influence
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1Feed the hunger. This is a central part of the process in dealing with other people. First, feed your hunger for acceptance, approval and appreciation, and then feed that hunger for other people.
- Another way to say this is that you need to accept your own need to feel important and be liked. Then, you can accept that other people are looking for the same thing.
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2Make every conversation a trade. You should ideally spend half your time listening and half your time talking, so that you can address the other person’s needs as well. People are likely to mirror this attitude.
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3Keep interactions positive. People will also mirror your attitude. Understand that the attitudes you have influence other people.
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4Start conversations by asking people about themselves. They are likely to appreciate the respect, admiration and appreciation this act gives them. Nod, acknowledge the importance of the topic and smile.[7]
- Body language is extremely important. Don’t cross your arms in front of you or frown at someone as they talk.
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5Wait until someone asks about you to talk about yourself. Don’t volunteer personal information, but be ready to speak about yourself when asked.
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6Speak passionately about something when asked. Enthusiasm is better than sarcasm.
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7Ask advice and opinions from others. This is a way to express admiration and approval. Asking advice at the right time is a great way to deal well with people who might otherwise object or be confrontational.
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8Approach disagreements calmly. Remember to stay calm, respect your opponent’s turn to speak and speak your own side with confidence.[8] It creates an environment of mutual respect that will help you deal with the most demanding people.
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9Leave an interaction with a touch of praise. It is likely to stick with the person, because you are feeding their need for approval. This leads the way to influence.
References
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-difficult-types-of-people-and-how-to-deal-with-them/
- ↑ http://www.onthewing.org/user/Ldr_Confidence%20and%20Power.pdf
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/254761
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-12-ways-to-accept-yourself/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201402/5-reasons-why-receiving-is-harder-giving
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-emotional-meter/201907/how-appreciate-what-you-have-already
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/223993
- ↑ http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201309/ten-keys-handling-unreasonable-difficult-people
About This Article
If you want to have confidence and power in dealing with people, show people respect, since everyone wants admiration, acceptance, approval, and appreciation. To make yourself more memorable to others, try starting conversations by asking people about themselves, and end your interactions with a touch of praise that will likely stick with them. When someone you know does something exceptional or important, take notice and express genuine admiration for them. At the same time, pay attention to what you admire about yourself. For example, you may want to keep a journal about your self-worth, since it could help you become more in touch with what is important to you. For more advice, including how to approach disagreements with confidence and power, read on!
