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This article was co-authored by Christy Irvine, PhD. Dr. Christy Irvine is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the owner of her private practice out of Portland, Oregon. With over 10 years of experience, she specializes in individual and couples therapy using various techniques including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Interpersonal-Process Therapy, and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT). Dr. Irvine holds a B.A. in Psychology from Whitman College and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from The University of Connecticut.
There are 23 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 133,585 times.
It’s important in any relationship, but it’s especially important in romantic relationships, to show you care.[1] Expressing care for your boyfriend or girlfriend is a powerful way of strengthening the connection you share together. Setting aside a special day is a great opportunity for you both to make memories and have a great time.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Choosing Fun Activities
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1Brainstorm ideas together. It's easy to get carried away when you have free time, but try not to be selfish when choosing what to do. Miscommunication and unmet expectations can upset your partner and ruin even the best plans.[2] Talk with your partner to find mutual interests you can enjoy together. You and your partner will naturally feel more connected when you do these things.[3]
- Be cautious when you consider competitive activities. Competition can sometimes lead to aggressive behavior and add tension to your date.[4]
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2Join a group activity together. This is a great way to enjoy time with your partner without having to worry about misdirected aggression or disappointment.[5] Put a fresh spin on a date you've had before, or try something entirely new. Some activities you can do together:
- Laser tag. Join your partner on same team and beat your opponents.
- Dance class. You don't have to only tap your feet when you hear a catchy beat. A dance class is a great place to learn some moves with your partner.
- Ghost tour. Find a spooky and exciting ghost tour through a "haunted" location. Make sure your partner doesn't mind being scared before you go.
- Shared art. Take turns with your partner drawing or working in another medium, like painting a picture or molding pottery. Why not have fun while you make a memento of your great day? With chalk you can scatter messages to each other across a park, write poetry, or invent a story with your partner that others might enjoy reading later.
- Cooking class. Even a novice in the kitchen can benefit from a little cooking savvy. You can take recipes from this class and make them together with your partner in the future.
- Dinner theater. These frequently interactive murder-mystery dinner shows can add a dash of excitement to your mealtime plans.
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3Strike out on your own. One-on-one time gives you and your partner a chance to open up to each other in ways you might not feel is possible in a group setting. Creative activities are an especially good idea when you and your partner are off on your own adventure. By creating something together, you encourage social bonding in a way that will make you and your partner feel connected.[6] [7] [8]
- Inanimate adventure. Take a stuffed animal, toy, or a knickknack on your date. Pose it at the places you go and take pictures, creating a memorable photo-journal of your day with a fun twist.
- Scavenger hunt. You can make your own, no problem, but if you're excited to explore a new place with your partner, you might want to try geocaching.
- Fort building. Pillows are the perfect building block for a palace worthy of your partner. Follow up with dinner on the inside and enjoy your secluded hideout.
- Local safari. Come up with a route for you and your partner to travel and a list of "game" you can find along the way. Use your cell phones and take pictures of the "game" on your list. You might choose animals, features of your city, or even vehicles. Choose the ones you like best after.
- Example safari list: blue jay, maple tree, statue of a man with a book, local art museum, restaurant you want/don't want to visit, yellow flower, purebred dog, stained glass, cat in a window
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4Infuse your date with awe. Awe-inspiring activities can enhance your relationship, inspire creativity, and help you be more appreciative of your partner.[9] [10] Some date ideas that might inspire awe in you and your partner are:
- Stargazing
- Viewing the sun rise or set
- Going on an architectural tour
- Flying kites at a local park
- Climbing a rock wall
- Bungee jumping
- Volunteering at a community garden
- Cloud watching
- Visiting a local natural feature, like a waterfall, mountain, or large body of water
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5Add a surprise to your date. Positive surprises have a large effect on satisfaction, even if your partner isn't in the best mood.[13] For example, you might:
- Stop at a park for a pre-arranged surprise picnic
- Get a surprise couples massage before the main even
- Take flowers beforehand to your chosen restaurant
- Slip a romantic note or card in your partner's book, notebook, backpack, or someplace they will notice before your date
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Preparing for the Day
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1Dress to your partner's expectations. You might disagree with your partner when they tell you how much they love your black shirt, but this is your chance to show you've been listening.[12] You can choose clothing your partner likes to put them in an extra good mood.
- Gifts that you've received from a partner, like a bracelet, fragrance, or charm, will likely be appreciated during the date.
- Think about color coordinating. Matching your partner's attire shows that you thought ahead about how you will look together, which can make your partner feel special. Colors also have an effect on mood.[13]
Some colors you might want to consider, and their associations, are:
- Red: love, romance, warmth, comfort, excitement, intensity
- Orange: happy, energetic, enthusiasm, stimulation
- Yellow: happiness, laughter, optimism
- Green: cool, healthy, harmony, calmness, tranquility
- Blue: focused, serene, loyalty[14]
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2Finish your work ahead of time. Deadlines and looming projects can create stress and make it difficult for you to have fun during your date.[15] If you can't finish your work ahead of time, plan a work schedule for after your day together. This can help you put your worry on hold, and then you can give your significant other your full attention.[16]
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3Limit chances for disappointment. There's always the chance that something could go wrong, but with a little effort, you can prevent big problems.[17] If your date requires tickets or takes reservations, calling ahead can save you a wasted trip out. Ask yourself what you might need for your special day ahead of time. Some important questions to keep in mind might be:
- Do I have enough money?
- Do I have transportation?
- Is today a holiday?
- Is today our anniversary or my partner's birthday?
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Making the Day Special
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1Give your partner your full attention. Focus is a way you can indicate to your partner that they are a priority.[18] When you check your phone frequently you can accidentally make your partner feel unimportant.
- Turn your phone to silent while on your date.
- Let your friends know ahead of time that you have plans and will be unavailable.
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2Promote closeness with your partner through touch. It's important to respect your partner's limits. If your significant other doesn't like public displays of affection, you might want want to save embraces and hand-holding for behind closed doors. But even a 20 second hug encourages bonding, trust, and generosity between you and your partner.[19] [20]
- Exchanging massages has the same effect.[21] Take a class together on couples' massage and learn how to help each other relax.
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3Nurture meaningful conversations. You can signal trust in your partner and have deeper impacting conversations by being vulnerable.[24] It can be easy for you and your partner to fall into routine conversation. If you feel uncomfortable being vulnerable, try starting by sharing something small, like confessing a movie that's a guilty pleasure or a dessert you can't turn down.
- Make it a point to ask questions to show you're engaged.
- Paraphrase what your partner says in your own words to help remember what is said and gain a more complete understanding.[23]
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4Let go of things you can't change. Even if you lose your ticket to the show, you can still have a good time with your partner. When things go wrong, accept that sometimes these things happen and remind yourself this is your special day to share with each other.[24]
- An attitude of acceptance can make it easier for you to overcome negative situations.[25]
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References
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/12/14/5-ways-to-show-you-care/
- ↑ http://hum.sagepub.com/content/52/7/895.abstract
- ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/relationship-compatibility/
- ↑ http://www.scianitti.it/aggression.html
- ↑ http://neuroscience.mssm.edu/nestler/brainRewardpathways.html
- ↑ http://www.nature.com/neuro/journal/v7/n10/full/nn1327.html
- ↑ http://depts.washington.edu/hcsats/PDF/TF-%20CBT/pages/1%20Therapist%20Resources/One%20on%20One%20TimeN2K.pdf
- ↑ http://epublications.marquette.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1166&context=nursing_fac
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/22/the-psychology-of-awe_n_5799850.html
- ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-boost-your-mood-2015-4
- ↑ Luna, T., and L.A. Renninger. Surprise: Embrace the Unpredictable and Engineer the Unexpected. London: Penguin, 2015. Print.
- ↑ https://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/fy1277
- ↑ http://www.arttherapyblog.com/online/color-psychology-psychologica-effects-of-colors/#.VbuXsG5Viko
- ↑ http://www.arttherapyblog.com/online/color-psychology-psychologica-effects-of-colors/#.VbuXsG5Viko
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-symptoms-effects_of-stress-on-the-body
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/how-worrying-affects-your-body
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/tc/social-anxiety-disorder-treatment-overview
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-mindfulness
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/about-oxytocin/
- ↑ http://www.soencouragement.org/oxytocinhug.htm
- ↑ http://www.soencouragement.org/oxytocinhug.htm
- ↑ Brown, Brené. How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead. London: Portfolio Penguin, 2013. Print.
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/active-listening-topic-overview
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/201106/5-steps-being-present
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-darkness/201304/the-power-acceptance
About This Article
Christy Irvine, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Christy Irvine, PhD. Dr. Christy Irvine is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the owner of her private practice out of Portland, Oregon. With over 10 years of experience, she specializes in individual and couples therapy using various techniques including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Interpersonal-Process Therapy, and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT). Dr. Irvine holds a B.A. in Psychology from Whitman College and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from The University of Connecticut. This article has been viewed 133,585 times.
Co-authors: 26
Updated: February 1, 2023
Views: 133,585
Categories: Going Steady
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