How to Keep a Conversation Going

Last Updated: February 28, 2023 References

Keeping a conversation going can be a challenge. Luckily, there are simple techniques you can use to keep the other person engaged and interested. Prove your own interest by asking good questions and listening. Then, find a rhythm that allows you to build rapport with the other person. Make sure to display open body language that makes the other person feel comfortable during the conversation.

Things You Should Know

Create interest by choosing topics the other person enjoys, asking open-ended questions, encouraging them, and listening actively.
Try to make them laugh and stop yourself from filtering your words; don’t be afraid of silence, and call out awkwardness as it occurs.
Maintain relaxed, open, and confident body language while fully facing your conversation partner to make eye contact.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Acting Interested

1
Choose topics you know the other person cares about. In general, people like to talk about themselves and their interests. You can keep your conversation rolling by sticking to topics you know the other person likes.^{[1]
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- Before meeting up with someone, think of three predetermined topics you can fall back on if conversation lags. Remind yourself of any recent trips, work events, or relationships your friend has told you about.
- Ask questions about their school or work, passions or hobbies, family and friends, or their background (where they came from or their family history).
- You can also use context cues from earlier parts of the conversation to determine whether to drop a subject or continue it. For example, if earlier, the person lit up when talking about riding bulls, you might ask them about other bull riders, or cowboy culture, or what it was like the first time they rode.
- If you're not sure what the person would like to talk about, ask questions that you would enjoy being asked yourself.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Cristina Morara
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
2
Ask open-ended questions. “Yes” or “no” style questions can shut down the conversation while others open the doors for more possibilities. Stick to open-ended questions that allow the other person to elaborate as much as they’d like.^{[3]
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- On the other hand, open-ended questions demand more from the answerer. For example, instead of asking the question "So, you studied a year abroad in 2006, is that right?," try asking "What was it like studying abroad?" The second question will give the person you're talking to more room to elaborate on their answer.
- If you do ask a "yes" or "no" close-ended question, recover by saying something like "Tell me more."
- Fun creative icebreaker questions include "what were you like in high school?" or "what is one thing people would be really surprised to learn about you?"^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cristina Morara
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
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3
Listen attentively to what they say. Listening is as important as talking when it comes to maintaining a conversation. Actively listening gives you an opportunity to hear the other person’s perspective. Wait until the person has completely finished talking before saying anything. Then, sum up what they said to show you were listening by saying something like “It sounds like…”^{[5]
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- If you misunderstand some part of the message, ask a clarifying question, like “Are you saying…?”
- If you’re a good listener, you can use any unexplored topics touched on earlier in the conversation to keep things moving. For instance, you might say, "Earlier I heard you mention..."
- Express empathy as you listen by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.
4
Encourage them to keep talking. The best listeners don’t just sit there and stare at the speaker during a conversation. They engage with them, without interrupting, by using encouragers. These might be little noises of approval like “Ahh” or “Oh?” Encouragers may also inspire the person to keep talking, such as when you say “And?”^{[6]
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- Encouragers may also be nodding or mirroring the other person’s facial expression, such as looking surprised or upset.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Developing a Nice Rhythm

1
Don’t filter. One of the reasons most conversations fall short is both people are filtering what they should or shouldn’t say. You start to think you’ve run out of topics and you can’t tell if something that comes to mind is appropriate or impressive enough. During these times, follow the strategy of just blurting out whatever you’re thinking without censoring it.
- For example, there’s a long silence and you think how uncomfortable your feet are in your heels. Blurting out “Geez, these heels are killing my feet!” may seem weird. But that honest statement could lead to a conversation about a feminist viewpoint of not wearing high heels or a discussion about a time when someone fell because they were wearing ridiculously high heels.
2
Call out awkwardness. Even the best conversations run into roadblocks that threaten to throw things off course. The most effective solution for that is naming it and moving forward. Pretending the discomfort isn’t there may actually push the other person away.^{[7]
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- For instance, if you misspoke and said something offensive, immediately back-track and apologize. Don’t act like it didn’t happen.
3
Make them laugh. Humor is a great way to keep the conversation going. It also helps you forge a bond with the other person. We’re more likely to laugh with our friends, so making the other person laugh forms a kinship with them.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- You don’t have to bust out with a joke to make someone laugh. Well-timed sarcasm and wit can do the job just as effectively. For example, you keep mentioning your interest in anime to the other person. After the third mention, you might say, "So, I guess I need to stop mentioning anime before you think I'm a freak... I am. I'm an anime freak. I carry a costume around with me of my favorite character. Just kidding!"
4
Go deeper with your questions. After you've gotten the formalities out of the way, take the conversation to a deeper level. Think of a conversation like a meal: you eat the appetizers before you dig into the main course and then dessert. Once you and the other person have gone a couple rounds with superficial topics, go further.
- For example, you asked “What do you do for a living?” After some time, you might dig deeper by asking, “Why did you choose that career?” Generally, “why” questions help you dig deeper into information that has already been shared.
- As you’re asking more intimate questions, pay close attention to cues about the other person’s comfort level. If they start to seem uncomfortable, back up and ask less intimate questions.
- Try to stay on top of current events so you always have something to contribute to a conversation. You can ask someone their opinion on a current political issue or development in the world, for example.
5
Don’t fear silence. Silence is useful in communication and shouldn’t be avoided like the plague. It helps you catch your breath and process your thoughts. It can also signal a much-need change of topic if things become dull or too intense.^{[9]
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- A few seconds of silence are completely normal. Don’t feel the need to rush in and fill it.
- However, if silence becomes too protracted, pivot to a new topic by saying, “I’m interested in hearing more about what you were saying earlier about…”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Good Body Language

1
Display relaxed body language. Good body language is central to helping the other person feel comfortable and open to talking to you. Sitting ramrod straight in your chair may actually make the other person uneasy. To demonstrate your comfort level, smile gently and lean back a bit in your chair for an angular posture. Or, prop yourself casually against a wall or column if you’re standing.
- Another way to show you’re relaxed is by loosening up your shoulders. Drop them down and backwards if they're tense.
2
Face the person you're talking to. A good conversation involves a connection between you and the other person. You won’t achieve that connection if you’re facing away from them. Plus, turning your body or your feet away demonstrates that you’re actually ready to leave. Instead, orient your body towards the other person.^{[10]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
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- To exhibit interest during certain parts of the conversation, lean forward towards the person.
3
Make eye contact. Regular eye contact is essential to keeping a conversation going. You should immediately make eye contact at the start of the conversation. Then, maintain it by looking into the other person’s eyes for about four to five seconds. Looking away is okay, too! Take a few seconds to survey your surroundings before re-establishing eye contact again.^{[11]
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- Aim for about half the time when you are speaking and 70 percent of the time when you are listening. Sticking to this ratio helps you remember how much eye contact to make without staring someone down.
4
Uncross your arms and legs. Crossed arms and legs send the message that you’re disinterested in what the other person has to say. It can also make you appear guarded or defensive. If you have a habit of crossing your arms and legs, make an extra effort to relax them at your sides during a conversation.
- It's perfectly okay if this doesn't feel normal to you at first. Give it a try. Over time, you may come to feel more at ease.
5
Power-pose to project confidence. If you’re not feeling too confident, you can position your body in a way that makes you look and feel self-assured. When sitting, try clasping your hands behind your head in an inverted “V.” If you’re standing, a great way to power-pose is by placing your hands on your hips during the conversation.<^{[12]
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Conversation Examples

Sample Questions to Keep a Conversation Going

Community Q&A

Question

How do you make a conversation, which includes lots of gossip and dark humor?

Community Answer

Only gossip to those you can trust. Dark humor is also only acceptable in certain situations and for people who don't take it too seriously.
Question

When he says he's at school? How can I keep the conversation going?

Community Answer

Ask him about his classes!
Question

How do I start a conversation with a girl when her guy friends stick to her?

Community Answer

She will have to be alone at some point, approach her then. If not, just be brave and approach her while her friends are there. If they are her friends, you will be stuck with them anyway. Just be yourself.