How to Know What a Girl Wants in a Guy

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: March 25, 2021 References Approved

Although all girls have different preferences, there are some general characteristics that go over well with almost all women. Understanding what girls want is the key to winning their hearts. No one wants you to be someone you’re not, so make sure that you are true to yourself at all times.

Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Communicating Well

1
Be honest, but not brutally honest. Girls like guys who are honest with them about things going on in their lives, but you don’t need to tell her when she isn’t looking 100%. Many people have rough days.^{[1]
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2
Ask her what makes her happy. Be direct to discover what specific things you should and should not do to ensure she stays happy. Having a relationship built on open communication and honesty is crucial to ensure that it's going to last.

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3
Be understanding. A girl wants you to get to know her on a deep level so they don’t have to always explain herself. Learn to be empathetic to her and be able to understand things she is going through.^{[2]
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- Don’t dismiss her problems or concerns.
- Be aware of little things that upset her.
- Be willing to go out of your way to do the things she wants.
4
Listen actively during conversations. Girls like to talk; they want guys who truly listen and are able to open up and talk back as well. Communication is a two way street that requires both parties to listen and speak.^{[3]
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- Allow her to speak her mind without dominating the conversation.
- Listen without trying to solve all the problems.
- Rephrase what she says and repeat it back telling her you understand what she said.
5
Pay attention to non-verbal cues. Girls communicate with more than just words. Be aware of the signals she's sending when she isn't talking.^{[4]
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- Watch her body language to see if she likes something or if it makes her uncomfortable.
- Listen to the tone of her voice, not just the words, to find hidden inflections.
- Look into her eyes when she smiles. A true smile can be seen in the eyes and you can learn what makes her truly happy.
6
Compliment her to show her you care about her. A girl likes to be complimented not only on her looks, but also about her abilities like her intellect, sports skills, or sense of humor.^{[5]
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7
Don’t take her for granted. Girls like to be appreciated. Show gratitude when they do things for you, even the small things.^{[6]
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- Recognize and thank her for the things she does.
- Let her know you’re grateful through your words and actions.

Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Providing Security

1
Be strong for her. Strength is not just measured in physical prowess. Girls want a man who is supportive of their feelings, able to comfort them when they are feeling down, and provide a feeling of security.^{[7]
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- Take care of yourself financially. Girls aren't just after money, but most would like to know that you could provide if you have to.^{[8]
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- Be able to deal with situations that make her scared. Hold her during scary movies, and kill the creepy crawlies that get in the house.
- Help her move things that are heavy. You don't have to be a muscle man, but be able to help out when you're needed.
2
Stand up for what is right. Girls want to see a man who is willing to put himself on the line to defend what is right. This does not mean throwing punches and getting into physical altercations, but it is important to be willing to speak up if things aren’t going well.
- Send food back if it isn’t what was ordered.
- Stop people from bullying or picking on others.
- Sign petitions and be active in making the community better.
3
Follow through when you say you’ll do something. Being dependable is important to show that you can be counted on during hard times. If you are constantly procrastinating and telling a girl that you will do something later, she will wonder if you ever complete anything.

Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Using Your Intelligence

1
Know what is happening in the world. Knowing current events is not only great material for small talk, but also a great way to show a girl that you are smart and aware of the world around you.^{[9]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 March 2021.}
2
Help her study. Being able to help a girl learn something new is a great way to make a connection. It can help you build common interests and also helps her see you as a knowledgeable provider.
3
Share your interests with her. Girls want to become part of a guy's life. If you can teach her and share something that you are interested in with her, it is a great way to draw her in.^{[10]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 March 2021.}
4
Learn about arts and culture. Girls appreciate guys who have more than one dimension. If all you know about is sports statistics it might be harder to have a conversation with a girl. Learning about music and art are great ways to show her that you are interested in a variety of topics.
5
Know how to cook a meal. Girls want to know that they aren't the only one who is responsible for preparing food. Even if you only know how to make one meal, learn the recipe by heart so you can make her an amazing dinner without having to fumble through a cookbook.^{[11]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Presenting the Right Personality

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Have a good sense of humor. Being jovial and light hearted can help you make the people around you feel good. Laughing releases endorphins and reduces stress levels in the body.^{[12]
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Research source} Girls want to feel good about themselves when they are with a guy, so if you can make them laugh, you’re doing a good thing.^{[13]
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2
Be respectful to everyone around you. Being cocky or a jerk makes you look like you don’t care about others' feelings. Girls like guys that show respect to them, their friends, and other people.^{[14]
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3
Support her dreams and desires. Be willing to help her along the way to achieving her goals. It is important for girls to know that they have someone who is in their corner and will provide encouragement when they want to do something.^{[15]
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4
Understand that girls change their minds. Everyone changes what they want from time to time. Even if a girl liked something one day, it is not guaranteed that she will like it tomorrow. Be willing to accept changes and go with the flow to keep her comfortable and happy.
5
Care about her and others. A girl wants a guy who is caring and compassionate. She needs to know that she is your number 1 and wants you to take an interest in her life. Showing true compassion in front of a girl shows her that you are capable of loving.

Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Looking your Best

1
Keep yourself well groomed. Staying well groomed shows a girl that you can take care of yourself and are not lazy.^{[16]
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- Brush your hair and keep it well trimmed.
- Keep facial hair neatly trimmed or shaved.
2
Wear stylish clothing. Clothes that are not dirty or torn help you look presentable. You can personalize your style to make it uniquely yours; however, you want to make sure it isn’t too wild or you may end up turning girls away.
3
Shower or bathe regularly to cut down on body odor. Girls like a man who smells good. Don’t overdo it with cologne or body sprays, but make sure that you don’t smell like a locker room either.
4
Exercise regularly. You don’t need to go to the gym daily to bulk up, but it is important to take care of your body. Girls like guys to be fit; you don’t want to look like you just sit and play video games or watch TV all day.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I be the type of guy that girls like?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Instead of trying to be what somebody else wants you to be, ask yourself how you can be your own best self. Live your own life, follow interesting passions, and just be engaged. That will make you seem more interesting—and therefore more attractive.
Question

How do I find a girl who likes me for me?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Look for people who have similar interests to you. If you like to read, look for someone who likes that too—not somebody who's really into materialistic things that you don't care as much about.

Warnings

If a girl lets you know she isn’t interested in you, let her be. Don’t harass her or insist that she should be your friend.

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Don’t act like someone you aren’t or girls will be able to tell you’re being fake.

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Not all women are the same. Don’t pretend to know everything that all women want.

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