How to Say No Politely To a Man Who Asks You Out

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: September 24, 2022 References

Dating can be a complicated social situation to navigate. You want to explore what you want out of a relationship or a date, while still respecting the feelings of those around you. Sometimes men who you are not interested in may ask you out, and you should reject them honestly and kindly.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Saying No to A Man Who Asks You Out in Person

1
Listen to what he has to say. Especially if the man who is asking you out is an acquaintance or a friend, you don't want to interrupt him while he's speaking to you.
- Even if you know that he's going to ask you out, and you want to say no, you don't want to cut him off. Cutting him off while he's talking makes you appear overly eager to reject him and rude.
- Keep a respectful distance from him, and smile slightly. Don't move closer to him, or give him any body language indication that you might be interested.
2
Just say no. The worst thing you can do when you're politely rejecting someone is to string him along. It might hard for him to hear “no” at first, but it will be much nicer in the long run. ^{[1]
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Research source}
- Don't make excuses. You don't need to lie. Unless it's true, don't tell him that you're in a relationship. Don't give him a line like, “I just got out of a relationship, and I'm not ready to date.” Even if this is true, it might give him false hope that you'll change your mind, and that's not fair to him.
- Be straight forward, and polite. Say something like, “You seem like a nice guy, but I just don't like you that way. I appreciate that you thought to ask me.” This makes your stance clear but still seems slightly softer than a blatant no.
- Keep it short. You don't need to give a long-winded rejection just to seem nice.
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3
Tell him if you want to be friends. If you genuinely would like to be friends with a guy who asks you out, let him know. This will soften your rejection, and let him know that you value his company, even if you're not interested in him romantically.
- If you don't actually want to be friends with him, don't say you want to be friends. Simply tell him you're not interested and that you hope he has a nice day, and walk away.
- If you do tell him you want to be friends, make sure he knows that your feelings about the situation aren't going to change. You don't want to give him any false hope. Say something like, “Sorry, I'm not interested in you in a romantic way, but I know someone else will be. I like talking with you, and I'd love to be friends.”
4
Keep your tone polite.^{[2]
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Research source} When you have to say no to someone in person, it does matter how you say it. This will affect how the man takes your answer.^{[3]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 18 November 2019.}
- Don't come across as defensive. You have every right to choose who you date. Being defensive can make you sound more aggressive or disgusted than you mean to sound.
- Speak with the tone of an apology. You want to sound open and apologetic, even while still being firm in your answer. Try to make eye contact with him at least once when you are speaking.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Saying No to Someone Through Text

1
Respond in a timely manner.^{[4]
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Research source} If someone that you're not interested in asks you out over a text message, email, or instant messaging, it can be tempting to put off responding to him.
- Also, don't give him the silent treatment, and hope he gets the point. The polite way to handle the situation is to give him a response.
- Even though you want to respond in a timely manner, within the day that he sends the message, take a little time to think about what you want to say and how you want to say it.
2
Use “I” statements.^{[5]
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Research source} When you reject someone, using “I” statements can help keep the rejection about you, so the guy you're speaking with doesn't feel insulted or put down.
- For example, instead of telling him, “Sorry, you aren't really my type,” say something more like, “I'm really sorry. I just don't see you in a romantic way.”
- Or say: “I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't see this developing into anything further for me.”
3
Use proper text etiquette.^{[6]
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Research source} If you are too informal when you're telling the man who asked you out that you're not interested, you can come across as rude. Even if you normally text or type in a manner that is very casual, try to be a bit more formal in your rejection.
- Use complete sentences and words. Instead of typing, “No thx. I'm just not really interested in u like that,” Say, “Thanks for asking, but I just don't see you that way.”
- Add something polite after your rejection. This can help you end the conversation and also soften the blow. Write something like, “Sorry. Wish you the best, John!”
4
Stay honest. Often, it is easier to lie over text than it is to lie in person. It can be tempting to come up with excuses to let yourself off the hook, but in the long run, it is always better to lead with the truth.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 18 November 2019.}
- Don't leave your answer open-ended. Make sure that he won't think you might be interested in the future. Make your answer final. Even if you do want to be friends, make sure you say, “I don't see myself having romantic feelings for you, but I'd love to be friends!” instead of “Do you mind if we just stay friends right now?”
- Even though you want to be final and firm when you send your message, also try to find something positive to say. For example, say, “I appreciate that you asked me because I've enjoyed talking to you, but I just don't have romantic feelings for you.”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Saying No to Someone After a First Date

1
Speak in a friendly way and be straightforward.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 18 November 2019.} It is often more difficult to reject someone after a date than it is to reject someone you've never gone out with. Sometimes, however, it takes a date to figure out that you really aren't interested.
- Say something like, “I'm sorry. I just didn't really feel a connection on our date. Hope you find someone great!”
- If you aren't attracted to him but want to be friends say, “I had a lot of fun with you, but I didn't really feel a romantic connection. Would you like to be friends with me?” Asking him if he wants to be friends is straightforward and lets him know that even though you don't want to date, you still appreciate interactions with him.
2
Tell him sooner rather than later. Once you know that you're not into a guy, you should let him know. The longer you wait to tell him you don't want to go out again, the more difficult it will become.
- If you've only been out on a date or two, it's fine to tell him you're not interested in a text message.^{[9]
  X
  Research source} That way, you can craft a tactful message, and he doesn't have to feel embarrassed in person.
- However, if you know you're not interested at the end of your first date, go ahead and let him know. Before you part ways, say something like, “Hey. Just so you know I don't think there's really anything here for me, but I'm glad we got the chance to go out.” This will save you from agonizing over when to tell him.
3
Keep your distance. Once you've told him that you're no longer interested, don't keep talking to him. Even if you both want to be friends, it can be good to have a little distance at first.
- If he continually texts you after you've rejected him, it's okay to ignore the messages.
- If you do talk to him, be careful to avoid flirting or confusing him.

Community Q&A

Question

He has a girlfriend already and I really like him, but he is asking me out. What do I do?

Community Answer

You should tell him you're not comfortable with being asked out by someone who already has a girlfriend. You should also consider whether you'd really want to be with someone like this. It's very disrespectful to ask out other people while in a relationship with someone, and if he did it to someone else, he could do it to you. If he doesn't want to be with his girlfriend anymore, he should break up with her before he starts pursuing other people.
Question

My boss is asking me out, but I am not interested and I already have a boyfriend. How can I say no respectfully?

Community Answer

Just be polite and decline his offer. Tell him you're flattered, but you're in a relationship. Most guys will be understanding of this. If he continues to push the issue, tell HIS boss or someone in the human resources department that you're being harassed.
Question

How do I reject someone that I really like because I'm not allowed to date?

Community Answer

Be honest with him. Let him know that you like him but you aren't allowed to date. Ask him if he'd like to be your friend for now.