How to Date Successfully As a Teenage Girl

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Last Updated: February 25, 2023 References

It's normal for girls to struggle during their teenage years to figure out the "right" way to do things. You may have noticed some of your friends beginning to date and want to join in on the fun. If you want to start dating but aren't sure how to do so successfully, it's luckily easy to learn the basics.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding the Right Person

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Look for a date among your classmates. Most teenagers are still in school, whether they're in college, high school, or middle school. Dating someone who goes to the same school as you is often the most convenient and safest option for a teenage girl.
- A classmate is more likely to have a similar schedule to yours. This will make planning and going on dates much easier.
- You likely share some social connections with a classmate and may be able to ask a friend of a friend about his or her reputation.^{[1]
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- If you see someone you like in one of your classes, you can let that person know you're interested in them in subtle ways. You can smile at them in class or as you walk by in the hallway. If your classmate stops to talk to you, bring the conversation around to what you enjoy doing for fun. Mention a movie you really want to see or a restaurant you want to try. Your classmate might take the hint and ask you on a date. If your classmate doesn't, try being more direct and ask them out on a date yourself. There's no reason a girl can't ask someone out.
2
Be selective. Don't just date the first person who asks you out or you think is cute. Try to find someone who you have chemistry with and who seems trustworthy. Don't feel pressured to find a significant other just because all your friends have their own.^{[2]
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Date people your own age. This doesn't mean you have to turn someone down over an age gap of just a few months. However, it's best to always date someone with a similar maturity level to your own. A difference of one to two years is fine, but a gap of three or more years may be trouble.^{[3]
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- Remember that some age gaps in teen relationships are illegal. Know the age of consent laws in your area.
- Some older adults may be ready for a more intimate relationship and could pressure you into doing things you aren't ready for.
- Younger girls who date older guys are at greater risk of unwanted pregnancy.^{[4]
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4
Get to know a few people casually before you start anything serious. Dating is meant to start as casual fun and only potentially develop into a more serious relationship later on. It's normal to date a few different people until you find someone you feel a romantic spark with. Don't force yourself into a relationship you're not feeling.^{[5]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Staying Safe and Drama Free

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Make sure you're ready. There's no reason to date someone if you don't personally feel ready to do so. Remember that all girls develop at different rates, and there's no magic age when you're "supposed" to start dating. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of dating, don't.^{[6]
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Set boundaries. It's important to mentally set boundaries for yourself before you start dating. Otherwise, you may find yourself getting into situations you don't want to be in.^{[7]
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- Always remember to use protection. Sex as a teen is risky, but if you're ready for it you need to minimize that risk as much as possible. Many teen girls use some type of hormonal birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. It's also important to use a condom, as hormonal birth control isn't 100% effective and won't protect you from sexually transmitted infections. Don't let one night of fun derail your entire life.^{[8]
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3
Try group dating. If you want to start going out with someone but still feel a little intimidated by the idea of one-on-one dates, compromise by taking them on a date with friends. This is actually the most common type of "dating" for most teens today.^{[9]
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Research source} If you think about it, most traditional dating ideas are easy to enjoy in a group setting. Specific activities great for group dates are:
- Dinner, especially at a more casual restaurant. Places that specialize in intimate candlelit dinners aren't as accommodating to a large crowd of teens.
- Going to events like movies and concerts.
- Trips to zoos, aquariums, or museums.
- Simply hanging out at someone's house, a park, or even after school.
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Keep your relationships off of social media. At least until you start seeing each other exclusively, it's a good idea to not post anything publicly. Once you do decide to make your relationship "official" on Facebook, avoid annoying your friends by spamming them with pictures and statuses about your dates.^{[10]
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Watch out for red flags. Red flags are things your date may do or say that are warning signs of a bad relationship or even abuse to come. Don't just brush it off if you find your date doing any of the following:
- Insulting or belittling to you or others.
- Forcing you to do anything you don't want to do.
- Invading your privacy, such as demanding to see a text message.^{[11]
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6
Tell someone else about your plans when going out. Hopefully your date will go smoothly and safely, but that isn't always the case. Anyone who dates should think about their safety while dating a new person, but teenage girls are especially vulnerable.
- Let a third party know what time your date starts, where you're going, and what time you expect to be back by.
- When you're a minor, that third party should ideally be your parents or some other trusted adult. If you can't go to them for help or you're an older teen, a reliable friend or sibling will also work.
- Make sure the person is local and can come to help you in case of an emergency.
- If the date goes on significantly longer than expected, be sure to text that person to let them know everything is ok.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Going on a Date

1
Look your best. What "your best" may be will depend on your date's location and your own personal tastes.
- Pick out an outfit to wear.
- Apply makeup if you want to wear it.
- Consider putting a new twist on your hairstyle, just so you look a little special. Try putting your hair up, letting it down, or wearing an interesting hair clip.
2
Don't be late. You want to be calm and start a date off on the right foot. It's much harder to keep your cool when you're rushing around.
- This is especially important when going on a first date if you don't know the other person very well. You want to make a good impression.
- On the other hand, an established partner will be a lot more understanding.^{[12]
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Be yourself. Being yourself is part of the most important aspect of a date: getting to know each other. You can think of those first few dates as a job interview where the "job" is a more serious romantic relationship. You want to make sure the two of you are really compatible, which you can't do if you pretend to like everything your date is into or agree with your date's political opinions when you really don't.
- It's totally normal to want to impress your date by pretending to be someone you aren't. It doesn't make you weird or fake. Just remember it's better for both of you to be honest in the long run.
- You want someone to love the real you. Don't dress up or act the way you think your date likes. Be you.^{[13]
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Avoid touchy subjects. While you should be yourself, to stay out of drama you should probably not bring up or discuss certain sensitive topics. While sometimes it's good to use these issues to screen out incompatible romantic interests, many people consider it rude, especially on a first date. You also don't know the person well enough to gauge whether or not an argument could get heated or even dangerous. The major topics to avoid are:
- Politics
- Religion
- Previous relationships
- Financial issues (both personal and familial)^{[14]
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5
Offer to pay. If you're going on a dinner date with a guy, it's traditional that he pays. However, be sure to still offer to pay for your half to avoid looking cheap or entitled. If you're dating a girl, you can offer to pay for either your half of the meal or the whole bill.
- Don't play games. If you offer to pay and the other person doesn't insist you don't, follow through and actually pay up.
- It's also polite for the person who asked the other out or picked the restaurant to pay.
- If your date pays the entire check, consider treating them the next time.^{[15]
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Talk about the next date if you want one. As the date winds down, if it went especially well, consider talking to the other person about the next time they would like to meet up.
- Only do this if the other person seems interested. If your date doesn't seem especially enthusiastic, asking during the date may get awkward.
- It's more common to plan out your next date a little later on, usually waiting until at least the next day.
- If you had a good time, don't wait for the other person to make the next move. Be sure to let your date know you had fun and mention wanting to do it again soon.^{[16]
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