This article was co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt. Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
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Hate that people are saying things about you behind your back? Stop it now. This article explains exactly how you can squelch malicious gossip at work, in school, within your own family or absolutely anywhere else. Get started at step number one below.
Steps
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1Don't participate in gossiping yourself. This gives you more credibility. If someone's bold enough to make up gossip about you then they probably do it to others as well, which means they will eventually lose credibility. Don't say "Well she..." say something like "Those things aren't true, but I'll let you make up your own mind about so-and-so."
- Gossiping people are looking for others to share the gossip with. If they see that you are staying neutral and not playing their game, they will eventually stop approaching you with their gossip.
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2Go to the source of the problem. Find out who created the malicious gossip or rumours and who spread it. Make sure you are totally calm before you do it. Ask why the person spread the rumour. While one person may appear to be the source, they aren't always. A lot of rumors start from one miscommunication that turns into a bigger problem.[1]Advertisement
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3Live your life so that people will know the rumour is not true. Rumours are a form of social bullying and it is important that you don't let the bullying affect your life.[2]
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4Be polite to the person who spread the rumour to show that you are the better person. Even if you hate their guts don't give them the satisfaction of thinking that it affects you.[3]
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5Deny the rumour's truth to anyone who asks. If you go out of your way to defend yourself it will seem as though you have something to hide.[4]
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6Go to a higher authority (your principal, boss, or whatever) if you feel threatened. Ask to stay anonymous and report the trouble that you're having with this person. If the authority that you contacted doesn't pay any attention to your report go to a higher authority and so on.[5]
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7Make friends with some of the spreader's friends. This will help you win the battle.
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8Forgive, but don't forget. After you win, the spreader will probably want to be your friend. Refuse the offer, even if you don't want to, so that people won't want to mess with you.
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9Continue to live your life as if nothing ever happened.
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10Don't tell everyone everything about your personal life and your personal business. Remember, be extra careful concerning whom you confide in, as not everyone keeps information to themselves; and you never know who might be hearing and looking. Try to keep a low profile. If in doubt, check with someone you trust: e.g. parents, boss, trusted friend, relative.
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11Don't show the gossip-mongers you are angry, defensive, or upset. It can give them the morsels that you have something to hide. The best way is to be calm, honest, and concise.[6]
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12Never tell them to mind their own business. They might think you have something to hide, that you are being rude, or that they can get sarcastic or angry with you and say 'It is my business'. They can then spread it to others, and might press you for information even more.[7]
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13Be Confident. Even if you are not a confident person, you can always try to be one. Ooze confidence out of yourself, even in tricky situations. The key to being confident is knowing your assets, polishing them, and showing them off to the world, but remember to also be humble!
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14Be strong. Even if you have had the worst day imaginable, and you really can't handle them, stick at it. Keep your cool because you know you are invincible!
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15If malicious gossip, rumour spreading, and lies become severe enough, not only are they forms of bullying, they can also become Human Resources issues as well. Gossip, rumour spreading and lies can land someone out of a job and if serious, with the law as well (i.e. the offenses of libel and slander).[8]
Warnings
- Don't let the insult ruin your life.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Never spout off in front of them. Always be calm even if you feel like arguing with him/her.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Stay calm and remember, when people ask if it's true say no and tell them that it's just a lie and say other stuff. Good luck!⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Don't pay any attention to the spreader's insults. Most of the spreader's insults aren't true because, in reality, they are only jealous of you - nothing more.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Avoid him/her at all times. Also avoid confrontations, but try not to look cowardly.⧼thumbs_response⧽
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201612/8-things-do-if-youre-the-target-hurtful-gossip
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/research/action/blues
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201612/8-things-do-if-youre-the-target-hurtful-gossip
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/constructive-wallowing/201702/office-gossip-how-make-sure-its-not-about-you
- ↑ https://www.webmd.com/balance/health-rumors-gossip#2
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/constructive-wallowing/201702/office-gossip-how-make-sure-its-not-about-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201612/8-things-do-if-youre-the-target-hurtful-gossip
- ↑ https://www.webmd.com/balance/health-rumors-gossip#2
About This Article
To squelch malicious gossip, find out who started the rumor about you, and talk to them about it directly. Try not to get upset or lash out at the person since it might make things worse. Plus, you want to be the bigger person in the situation by maintaining your composure. Instead of getting upset, talk to them calmly and ask why they're gossiping about you. More likely than not, they'll apologize and stop! In the meantime, deny the rumor to anyone who asks you about it to help clear the air. If the problem persists and you work or go to school with the person who started it, you may need to talk to human resources or one of your teachers. For more advice, like how to not let malicious gossip get you down, keep reading!
