How to Gossip

Last Updated: February 18, 2023

Nobody likes to admit they do it, but everybody likes a juicy piece of gossip. If you can't resist dishing on someone's private stuff, you can learn to dig up the good stuff, spread it responsibly, and keep yourself from getting into trouble.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding Good Gossip

1
Be a good listener. Make sure that your friends, classmates, and acquaintances all know that you are always there for them, and ready to be a sympathetic ear. If you're a helpful listener, people will seek you out when they have really juicy gossip to share. Help them to unburden themselves of those weighty secrets. Then, you know, spread them around.
- Practice your active listening skills. Make eye contact when someone is talking, nodding your head along to encourage them. Repeat and summarize what they've said, and encourage them to talk more.
- Sometimes, it's helpful to give a little gossip of your own to help get someone talking. If a friend seems bothered by some problem, say something like, "You know, I've been feeling the same way. Tell me how you're feeling" to get them started. Then just keep talking about them instead of circling back to you.
2
Learn how to dig deeper. People typically want to keep secrets to themselves. If you want to bring gossip up to the surface, you've got to learn how to dig below and get at the good stuff.
- Pay attention to body language when someone talks to you. If someone is shifty, uncomfortable, and won't make eye contact, it likely shows that they're feeling uncomfortable about a topic you're discussing.
- Ask leading questions to keep them talking. "What happened next?" or "And then what did he say?" will help to keep the gossip rolling, even if the other person doesn't want to talk. Be insistent.
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3
Make friends with other gossipers. If you like to talk, go where the talkers go, and hang out with people who like to gossip. Learn who you can trust with secrets, and who will spread them on to others by asking pointed questions. If someone gives you the goods when you ask, "What's her deal?" you know you've got a friend in dirt.
- Added bonus: If you have a friend who is always blurting out secrets, it makes it easier to blame gossip on them, if necessary.
- If your friends are unable to keep secrets, keep your own secrets under close lock and key. Be very careful you don't go from gossiper to gossiped-about.
- Women often get an unfair reputation for being the gossipers of the world. In truth, studies reveal that men are slightly more willing to gossip, especially when it comes to workplace rumors and conversations.^{[1]
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4
Eavesdrop. While the gossip of strangers is never quite as good as the gossip of people you actually know, good dirt is good dirt, regardless. If you want to find something good to gossip about, pay attention to what other people are saying around you. When you're on the bus, in a coffee shop, or just taking a walk, keep an ear out for good side conversations.
- Pro tip: Wear ear buds or headphones when you're sitting somewhere in public, and pretend you're listening to something and can't hear. People will talk more freely if they think you're not able to hear what they're saying.
5
Snoop around online. Facebook and Twitter are great places to dig up some serious gossip. People tend to be less guarded and more loose-lipped when they're posting online, which means you can find out stuff they might not normally tell you.
- If you know a couple train-wrecks, set your phone to send you a notification any time that person posts something, or change your settings to promote that person's stuff. Be sure you don't miss out on any ridiculousness.
- When someone posts a big batch of pictures, make sure you look through it for signs of potential gossip. Where did they go? Why? What's going on there? Try to come up with good answers.
6
Pay attention to the stars, too. Read celebrity gossip blogs and dirt-sheets as well. While gossiping about what one of the Kardashians is up to might seem less exciting than people you actually know, starting out by dishing on celebs can be a good way to transition into juicer gossip. Get the conversation rolling with red carpet talk, then dish on the real dirt.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Spreading Gossip

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Pretend you don't want to let loose of the news. Gossiping requires a fine balance. You don't want to seem like an enthusiastic gossiper, because you want to Try to maintain your relationship as someone who is trustworthy to speak to. But at the same time, you also want to spread it around, because, well, it's fun. So, you've got to be a good actor.
- When you approach some gossipy territory in a conversation, start looking over your shoulder, as if you're worried someone will hear. Ask if the other person has heard the news first.
- If they haven't heard, make a worried face and wring your hands. Say, "Oh, well, I really shouldn't say. It isn't right to gossip."
- When you get ready, lean in close and start with, "Well, now, you didn't hear this from me..." Your audience will be locked in.
2
Spread it around smartly. When you have good gossip, you can't just tell everyone you know, unless you want it to blow back on you. Besides, you don't have to tell a lot of people, just a select few.
- If your good friend told you something in confidence, don't tell all your other friends. Instead, tell someone at work. If someone at work did something super-embarrassing, don't tell all your coworkers, tell your friends.
- When and if the gossip does eventually get around, everyone will forget who they heard it from originally, most of the time, but you want to be sure to distance yourself from it as much as possible.
3
Do it quietly. Gossip shouldn't be something that you broadcast or speak about loudly, for everyone to hear. Make sure you take people aside, use very quiet voices, and don't let anyone you don't know hear what you're talking about. Even if you're spreading gossip, it's important to Try to limit it as much as possible.^{[2]
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- This goes for gossiping online, even more so. Private messages of gossip? Ok, maybe. Posting on your own, or someone else's board publicly? Just don't.
4
Tell each person they can't tell anyone. Treat your gossiping like you're treating a friend to privileged information, not like you're just broadcasting gossip to anyone who will listen. Make sure that everyone you tell knows that this isn't something to spread around, even if they plan on spreading it around like you are. This is the code of the gossipers.
5
Consider only telling a half-truth. In some cases, you can learn to suggest your gossip more than you trumpet it. Start telling the detail you want to spread around, but stop just short of telling the whole story. Tell enough to let the other person figure it out, but not so much that you'll need to feel bad about yourself.
- If you know someone at school just made out with someone else, you don't have to say so to spread it around. Try this: "Did you hear about James and Janet last weekend? I heard they got pretty up close and personal. Not that you heard it from me."

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Avoiding Trouble

1
Only spread the truth, not rumors. Gossip means chatting with a variety of people about things that may or may not be any of your business, but things that are true. This is considered socially rude by lots of people, but still relatively harmless. Spreading lies or rumors, however, is just mean. Don't do it.^{[3]
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- If you're not sure something you're discussing is true, or is harmless, then keep your mouth shut. There's no need to spread it around.
2
Guard your own secrets. If you're going to be a gossiper, keep your own secrets under lock and key. You should understand the impulses of the gossiper more than your average person, if you're one of them. So, any indiscretions, flubs, embarrassing details that come up for you? Talk to only the most trusted and close-lipped people that you know.
- Usually, you can always trust your parents. If you really need to talk to someone about something, talk to them. However old you are, however old your parents are, that's an important part of a parent-child relationship.
3
Don't leave a digital trail. While Facebook might seem like the ultimate in gossip, make sure you don't leave too much evidence of your gossip-spreading. If somebody wants to accuse you later of spreading some gossip, don't do it on something that can be copied and pasted.
- Social networking can be a great way to find good stuff to gossip about, but not necessarily a great place to spread that gossip. Never do it publicly.
- Be careful about texts, too. Text messages can be forwarded and can be copied. Including pictures. Keep that stuff pretty guarded.
4
Deny, deny, deny. If anybody ever confronts you about spreading rumors, deny it. Things get around in all kinds of ways, and it's always better to Try to keep yourself away from it, if possible. If someone is really stuck on getting you to admit it, say you didn't know it was that sensitive of a subject and apologize. Sound as sincere as possible.
5
Gossip, but don't be a gossip. Gossip is one of those things that everyone does occasionally, but nobody is proud of. If you're regularly gossiping and seeking out details just for the purpose of spreading dirty details, it's important to take a step back. You don't want the main thing that people think of when they think about you to be, "Gossip."
- Make a rule to only talk about people who are present. If someone isn't there, don't talk about them behind their back.
- Another good gossiping rule: Never lie. No two-facedness. Don't tell someone something when you're gossiping and then tell them something else later. That's what gives gossip a bad name.

Warnings

You could lose friends doing this, so make sure you don't betray those who mean the most to you.

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School and teachers/principals could get involved in this very easily, make sure to ALWAYS have a backup story and be able to lie yourself out of any situation.

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When one person publicly reveals someone else's private information (often when they're told to keep it a secret) this isn't just fun or gossiping--it is also a serious form of bullying. Don't ever share someone's private information or secrets without their knowledge, as this can be very hurtful.

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Don't spread a close friend's personal secrets, or else nobody will ever trust you. Save gossip for people you're not too close to.

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