How to Stop Other Girls Flirting with Your Boyfriend

Co-authored by Erika Kaplan

Last Updated: April 23, 2021 References Approved

If you're having a problem with other girls flirting with your boyfriend, you need to first look at the situation carefully. You need to look at whether it is just the girls who are flirting or if your boyfriend is contributing, too. Then, you can either deal with the girl in the moment or wait until you are home or in a private space to address it with your boyfriend.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Analyzing the Situation

1
Step back and look at the situation objectively. When looking at a flirting situation, it often takes two to tango. The other girl may initiate the flirting with your boyfriend, but your boyfriend may play a part, too. Try to look closely at their interaction to see if they're both flirting or if it's really one-sided.^{[1]
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Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 6 April 2021.}
- The point of analyzing the situation is to see how to better deal with it. Once you figure out who exactly is involved with the flirtation, you can decide whether to deal with just the other girl, your boyfriend, or both. It can also help you decide when to time any conversations you have.
- For instance, if she's leaning in close to him, batting her eyelashes, or puffing out her chest, she's flirting with him, especially if she engages in flirty banter.
- If he leans in close to her and encourages the banter, then he's flirting back. If he doesn't engage in the behavior with her, he's trying to shut down the flirting.
2
Focus on her if she's the problem. If your boyfriend's not engaging, focus on dealing with her in the moment. You can find tips on doing so in another section of this article. You don't have to get mean, but you can deal with the flirting in subtle but meaningful ways that will help get the point across.^{[3]
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Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 6 April 2021.}
- You can simply raise your eyebrows at her to let her you know what she's doing.
- You may also choose not to deal with it. If you're out in public, you may just want to move on.
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3
Wait to deal with him. If your boyfriend is either starting or engaging in the behavior, wait to deal with him until you can talk to him in private. That way, you don't start a serious discussion in public, and you can do it when you aren't so agitated.^{[5]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Dealing With the Flirting in the Moment

1
Give her a look. The easiest way to send a message to someone flirting with your boyfriend is to simply take her down with a look. Stare her down without a smile until she backs away. If she doesn't get the message, you need to move on to other tactics.^{[6]
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2
Take possession of your boyfriend. When she starts flirting, let her know he's your boyfriend by physically touching him. Wrap your arm around his shoulders, or curve your arm into his, grabbing his hand. Lean your head on his shoulder. These subtle movements will tell her to back off.^{[7]
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3
Emphasize your togetherness with words. Another way to stake your territory is to use your words to emphasize you are together. For instance, if a girl asks what your boyfriend is doing next weekend, say, "Oh, we're going to see a movie together. It's our favorite movie, isn't it honey?"^{[8]
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- Emphasizing "we" and "our" will help most people get the message.
- Establishing other types of intimacy, such as having a shared favorite movie, also emphasizes you're together.
4
Comment on it. If the girl is obviously flirting, one way to point it out without actually being mean to make a lighthearted comment about it. That way, you call attention to the situation, so you are doing something about it, but you aren't lashing out and creating a sticky situation.^{[9]
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- For example, say the girl is laughing too much at your boyfriend's jokes. You could say something like, "Well, that was funny, but not that funny! He's always making bad puns."
5
Pull her aside. If you don't want to cause a scene, you may need to draw her aside to talk about it. This tactic might work better with someone you know rather than a stranger. If she doesn't respond to other measures, ask if you can talk to her for a minute, then bring up the problem.^{[10]
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- For example, you could say, "You may not realize that you're doing it, but you're flirting with my boyfriend. I find it really disrespectful, and I would appreciate it if you would stop."
6
Avoid the situation. When you become aware that your boyfriend always gets flirted with when you're in certain situations, maybe you should start avoiding that situation. For example, if you notice your boyfriend constantly gets flirted with when you go to the club, maybe it's better to skip going to the club all together.
- Another option is to avoid the person. If it's someone you know who's flirting with your boyfriend, stop meeting up with that person if at all possible.
7
Take it in stride. Another option is to simply ignore the flirting. If your boyfriend is ignoring the girl, there's no reason that you can't do that, too. In addition, the flirting may make your boyfriend more excited to be with you, so you can enjoy time together later.^{[11]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Discussing It With Your Boyfriend

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Prepare your boyfriend ahead of time. Let your boyfriend know you want to have a conversation about your relationship. Telling him ahead of time lets him get prepared for the conversation, so you're not blindsiding him out of the blue. It also gives you a chance to pick a good time to talk.^{[12]
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- If you pick a time, it can keep you from blowing up in anger in the moment he flirts because you've had a chance to talk about it.
- When you do talk, make sure you have some time to do it, and you turn off the electronics so you don't get distracted.
2
Talk about your emotions. Start the conversation from what you're observing and how it makes you feel. That way, you start out by helping your boyfriend see where you're coming from.^{[13]
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Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 6 April 2021.} You don't want to blame him, as that will just put him on the defensive. Focus on what you're feeling.^{[14]
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- You could start by saying, "I notice girls flirt with you a lot. I like that you're attractive. It's one of the things that made me want to date you in the first place. However, it upsets me when you engage in the flirting instead of trying to shut it down."
3
Explain your emotions. You may know why flirting is a trigger for you. For instance, maybe you've had flirtatious boyfriends in the past who ended up leaving you or another girl, and therefore, when your boyfriend flirts, you're afraid he's going to leave you for another girl.^{[15]
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- You may need to spend some time thinking about the problem to figure out why the flirting bothers you so much. Often, it comes down to trust.
- You could tell him, "Flirting bothers me because my old boyfriend, Jake, used to flirt all the time, and you know he left me for another girl."
4
Let him have his say. Now that you've started the conversation and explained how you're feeling, you should give your boyfriend a chance to have his say, too. For instance, he may not even realize he's flirting or maybe he didn't realize how much it upset you. Maybe to him, it's just being nice to other people.^{[16]
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- Pay attention to what he's saying, instead of trying to think of the next point you're going to bring up.
- Don't just focus on your hurt. Listen to his feelings and intentions.
- Nod and ask leading questions to get to the heart of what he's saying. For example, you could say, "I feel like what you're saying is that you don't see flirting as a big deal. Why do you feel that way?"
5
Discuss jealousy. Flirting is often connected to jealousy. Maybe he's intentionally flirting because he wants to make you jealous. Maybe you're overreacting because you have a tendency to be overly jealous and protective. Open the conversation to see if jealousy is a part of the problem.^{[17]
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- For instance, you could say, "I know I've been acting overly jealous. I think I have a problem with you flirting because I feel like I'm not enough for you."
- You could also ask, "Do you sometimes flirt so that I will feel jealous? I only ask so I can figure out how we can fix what's wrong with our relationship that would make you want to do that."
- Let him talk about how he thinks jealousy is affecting his flirting to help continue the conversation.
6
Find solutions. Once you've both discussed your feelings, talk about how you can make it better. You may need to compromise to figure out a solution that works for both of you, so that both of you have your needs met as much as possible.^{[18]
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- One way you could compromise is to reevaluate what you consider flirting. For instance, maybe you could start to see him having a friendly conversation with a girl as not flirting, even if you considered it flirting before, while if he's touching her or leaning towards her, you could consider that flirting.
- Find ways to let him know when you think he's going to far. For instance, you could whisper in his ear when you think he's flirting too much to help get his attention.
- Talk about it as it comes up. You don't need to have a serious conversation in a restaurant. However, when you feel like he flirted too much, try to talk about it within a day, so he can realize you're feeling hurt and help to rectify that.
- Be more intimate. Sometimes flirting can come from a lack of flirting with you. Take time to hold his hand, kiss him, or dance with him on the porch. All the little things add up to make you both feel more loved and secure.
7
Leave him. One final option is leaving him. If you can't stand the flirting and it bothers you enough to make you upset on a regular basis, you do have the option of getting out of the relationship. Sometimes the only option is putting up with it or getting out.^{[19]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do I tell my boyfriend to stop talking to other girls?

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.

Erika Kaplan

Matchmaker

Expert Answer

What do you mean by "talking"? If we're talking about him going on dates with other girls when you aren't comfortable with it, then you need to talk about that and address it directly. If we're just talking about him literally talking to his female friends, or having normal conversations with people, then you can't necessarily determine that. It may help to look inside a bit and figure out where the root of that feeling comes from and then talk to him about it.
Question

Is it OK to flirt with others while you're in a relationship?

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.

Erika Kaplan

Matchmaker

Expert Answer

If you're in an open relationship or this is something the two of you have agreed is acceptable, then totally! But if you're in a dedicated relationship, then this is probably pretty unfair to them. Even if you aren't physically cheating, there are certain boundaries you shouldn't cross.
Question

Why do I get so jealous easily?

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.

Erika Kaplan

Matchmaker

Expert Answer

There could be any number of things going on here. It is important to acknowledge that it's great you recognize the problem is internal. A lot of people tend to blame their partner whenever they get a sense of jealousy. Second, it's key to really be open with your partner. Be honest about what you're feeling and try to work through it together.