How to Flirt with a Girl over Text

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: March 7, 2023 References

Tired of sending awkward texts to that special girl in your life? Well, follow the steps outlined below to become a flirting expert, and impress your way to a date!

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Text Flirting Techniques

1
Don't be boring and predictable. The worst text flirting crime you can commit is to be boring and predictable. Your text messages should be fun and interesting. If you can't think of anything fun or interesting to say, then you probably shouldn't text her at all.^{[1]
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- For example, you shouldn't start a text conversation with messages as boring as "Hey :)" or "How is your day going?" Total snore fest. She probably gets those kinds of messages from every guy she meets, so do something to make yourself stand out.
- Try something a little more unique, something which gives her an incentive to reply, like "you totally cheated at football last night. I call for a rematch."
2
Get personal.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Text messages can feel a little impersonal at times, so do your best to make them as personal as possible, when you can. This will create more of a rapport between the two of you.^{[3]
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- Use her name in a message -- girls get a real thrill from seeing their name in a message, there's something much more intimate about it.
- Alternatively, you could use the special nickname you've christened her with, this makes it feel like the two of you are sharing an inside joke.
- Use the terms "us" and "we" in your messages -- this creates a "me and you against the world" vibe that girls love.
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3
Pay her a compliment.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Try for example "Wow, love your hair today, you look so gorgeous." It's pretty simple -- girls like to be complimented, it makes them feel special and appreciated. So if you can work a few good compliments into your messages, go for it.^{[5]
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- Try a classic (yet effective) compliment like "I can't stop thinking about you in that black and blue dress" or go for something a little more unconventional like "you have the weirdest sense of humor -- but I like it."
- Make sure the compliment is genuine -- don't say something you don't mean just to get on her good side. Girls can smell a fake from a mile away.
4
Be mysterious. There's no harm in being somewhat mysterious in your text messages -- you want her to feel like she's chasing you, not the other way around, so try being a little vague or aloof at times, just not as much so she gets suspicious of your behavior.
- If she asks you how your day was, for instance, you shouldn't write back a lengthy message chronicling every boring detail (see Step 1). Try something like "It was pretty bizarre actually. People never cease to amaze me." Hopefully, she'll be intrigued and press you for more details in her next message.
- Or if she asks what your plans are for the weekend, don't be too forthcoming (unless you have genuinely exciting plans). Telling her you're probably just going to spend the weekend working on a paper you have due isn't going to interest her. Tell her you're off to slay a dragon or something equally outlandish -- it doesn't have to be true as long as it's interesting.
5
Tease her a little.^{[6]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}Teasing is a great flirting method -- it creates a kind of intimacy between you without getting too serious.
- As mentioned before, calling your girl by a cute nickname (one which is only used by you) is a good way to make fun of her without being offensive. Something like "freckles" or "little miss perfect" are good examples.
- Tease her about something she said or did the last time you hung out together. For example, if she tells you she's grabbing a Coke you could say something like "just don't squirt it out your nose like you did last time ;) ". This is an example of call-back humor, which draws attention to a time when the two of you had fun together, making her think positively about your relationship.
- Just make sure you don't cross the line into being mean or offensive, or your texting relationship will die a quick death.
6
Be suggestive. Of course, no text flirting relationship would be complete without a little naughty suggestiveness to keep things interesting.
- You could go down the classic route of asking her what she's wearing, or telling her something like "I loved you in that dress, but I think I'd love what's beneath it even more".
- Another good technique is to take an innocent comment of hers and deliberately misinterpret it as something sexual. For instance, if she says something like "I can't believe how long it is!" (referring to a movie or something equally innocuous) you could reply with a simple "that's what she said".
- If you're a little nervous about going down the sexting route, you could try casually mentioning that you just got out of the shower. This puts the ball in her court, if she responds in a sexually flirtatious way (like "dang, I'd like to see that") you'll know that she's open to it.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Text Flirting Etiquette

1
Keep your messages short and sweet. Long text messages are boring and will make you seem over-eager.
- Therefore, you should always try to keep your messages short and sweet -- no more than two or three sentences.
- Try to make to make every message either funny, clever or sweet -- flirting should never involve small talk about the weather.
2
Send an equal number of messages. There should be a certain amount of equality in every texting relationship -- one person should not be sending a substantially larger number of texts than the other.^{[7]
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- Sending too many texts will make you seem over-eager and a little too available. She'll feel like you're coming on too strong -- which will either freak her out or cause her to lose interest.
- Not sending enough texts, on the other hand, might make you seem disinterested or lead her to believe that you're texting multiple girls at once. If this is the case, she may decide to give you up as a lost cause.
- Therefore, you need to find a balance by sending a roughly equal number of text messages, with the balance tipped slightly in her direction if possible.
- Also pay attention to who's initiating and ending each text conversation -- you want to alternate if possible.
3
Be careful with spelling and grammar. You want to give the impression of being witty and intelligent in your text messages, which can be very difficult if you're "txtin lyk dis". Teenagers may be able to get away with it, but anyone over the age of 18 should pay a little more attention to spelling and grammar.
- You don't need to go looking up big words in the dictionary just to seem intelligent, just do a quick scan of every text before you send it to make sure there are no glaring typos or misspellings.
- Punctuation can have a huge impact on how your text is interpreted. For example, if your girl sends you a picture of herself in a new outfit, "wow!" sounds a lot more enthusiastic than plain "wow", while "I like it..." is a lot more flirty and suggestive than "I like it".
- Just don't overdo it on the exclamation points, questions marks, smiley faces, winky faces and other emoticons -- they can be very effective in the right context, but can seem juvenile if overused.
4
Don't let the conversation drag on. One of the most important texting skills to learn is the ability to end a dying conversation.^{[8]
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- If you let texting sessions drag on for too long, you will run out of interesting things to say and the conversation will quickly become awkward and boring.
- The trick is to end the conversation before you reach that point, so you can always leave her wanting more.
- Try to end with something cute and flirty like "gotta go, babe, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Don't get into too much trouble without me!" or "Time for bed - need to get my beauty sleep. See you in your dreams!"
5
Don't use text flirting instead of actual flirting. Texting should only be used as a stop-gap flirting method between actual real-life flirting sessions.
- While texting is great and all (and you can sometimes say things that you'd be embarrassed to say in person), nothing can beat the sparks that fly when you flirt in person.
- Use your text sessions to organize a date or plan your next casual hang-out. This gives your texting a purpose and is something you can both look forward to.
- Remember that things like prolonged eye contact, a dazzling smile and a well-timed brush of the arm beat a bunch of words on a screen any day.

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Get More Dates with this Expert Series for Men

Dating is hard. We’ve put together this series of expert articles to help you get more dates, go on better dates, and ultimately find your person.

1

Look Attractive (Guys)

2

Flirt with a Girl over Text

3

Ask a Girl Out

4

Impress a Girl on a Date

5

Ask a Girl for a Kiss

6

How Often Should You Text Someone ...

Expert Q&A

Question

How should I flirt over text?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Just have fun conversations so you can learn more about each other. You can try giving them a compliment to show that you're interested in them.