How to Ask a Girl for a Kiss

Co-authored by Connell Barrett

You want to kiss a girl. If the mood is right, and you're picking up strong signs that she wants you to kiss her, then you don't necessarily need to ask. Just lean in and kiss her. If you aren't sure, though, then it may be best to ask first.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Asking for the Kiss

1
Make eye contact and hold it. Grab her attention with soft, kind eye contact. Hold here eyes for longer than a second or two, until there is a breathless, timeless space that surrounds you. The world disappears, and it's just the two of you. To get her attention, keep it minimal and subtle:
- Touch her shoulder, upper arm, or cheek and say her name.
- A simple, quiet "hey" is still the most effective way to get her attention.
- "I need you for a moment" or "just one more thing" is a great, noncommittal way to hold her attention for an end of the date kiss.
- Move in for a big, full-body hug to see if she's feeling equally romantic.
2
Use a quick, direct question if you're shy. Polite, simple, and to the point, these lines get right to the point and put it in her court. Keep eye contact when talking, and keep your head close enough that you can both move in when she says yes.
- "Can I kiss you?"
- "Can we kiss?"
- "Is it okay if I kiss you right now?"
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3
Confidently tell her you'd like to kiss her. Honesty, in all things, is the best policy. So just tell her you want to kiss her -- it's not forceful or rude, just confidently romantic.
- "I want to kiss you right now." Unless she says "no," move in slowly after you say it.
- "I'd love a kiss before I go."
- "Let's kiss."
- "Write her a note saying "kiss me?" or "I want to kiss you," if you think she'd like the cute, romantic gesture. Then move in wordlessly.^{[1]
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4
Ask with your body language. Don't dive for lips, just move in slowly. Give her the chance to move in or gracefully bow back out. If she isn't feeling it and doesn't want to kiss, she'll say no and lean away.
- Move in slowly.
- Half-close your eyes
- Let her come part way, meeting you for the kiss.
- Hold her close with a hug, keeping your faces close together. If she keeps eye contact, move in.
EXPERT TIP

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Try this trick from our expert: When you feel like it's the right time for a kiss, smile and say, "Close your eyes." If she closes her eyes, she's giving you the green light to lean in and kiss her. If she doesn't close her eyes, or if she giggles or says, "What are you doing?" then don't kiss her yet. However, even if she laughs it off, you've helped build the romantic tension and flirtation, so she'll likely still be anticipating that first kiss.
5
Shrug off rejection with kindness and an apology. There are a ton of reasons she might say no, but none of them need to be returned with rudeness. She just might not be ready yet. Be sure to politely apologize for misreading things, then move on -- she'll appreciate it.
- "I'm sorry. I had a wonderful time tonight-- I'll see you around.
- "I misread things, I'm sorry. Have a great night."
- "I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that, I'm sorry."^{[2]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Setting the Scene

1
Go somewhere romantic. If this is the first time that you're kissing this girl, you'll want to make it special. Take her to a place that is meaningful to both of you. Kiss her somewhere with a beautiful view: the top of a hill, mountain, building, bridge. Kiss her under the stars, or when the sun is setting. Most girls will really appreciate it if you take the time to make a first kiss special.^{[3]
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- If you want to make this a romantic kiss, pick a setting that matches the mood. Don't just kiss her at the mall, or at a mundane moment. Plan ahead for something special.
2
Get her alone. The moment will be more intimate, if you're alone, and your timing may seem much more natural. Don't ask her for a kiss in front of your friends or family, nor in front of hers. An audience, however small, will put her under unfair pressure. Even if she does want to kiss you, she might shy away if she feels uncomfortable with the setting.
- You may also find that it's much easier to ask this girl for a kiss if you're alone with her. Take the pressure off of yourself as well as off of her!
3
Let her know that you're interested. Flirt with her, and make playful banter. Make plenty of eye contact, and casually touch her to loosen the physical boundaries.^{[4]
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Research source} Smile at her, and make her feel comfortable. Even if you already know that you like each other: a bit of flirtation can set the mood up for a kiss.
- Don't touch her too much, at first. Put your hand on your shoulder or your hand when you talk to her, or put your arm around her, intentionally brush your arm against hers. Find a reason to sit close to her, so that your shoulders and thighs are touching.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting the Timing Right

1
Try to figure out whether she likes you. If the two of you have been flirting, then you should be able to tell. Look out for classic signs of attraction: laughter^{[5]
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Research source} If she pays a lot of attention to you, and she seems to make a point of being around you, then there's a good chance that she's interested.
- Try not to make this assumption unless you're reasonably sure. It is good to be confident, but try to keep a level head about the situation.
2
Find a meaningful moment. Make your move during a slow song at a dance, or when you see a shooting star. Wait for the end of a date, when you're saying your parting words. Kiss her after you make her laugh, or after you tell her that you like her.
- Imagine that you are in a movie. The "right moment" might feel like the scene when the hero kisses the girl. Don't build it up too much – but keep the ambiance in mind.
3
Trust your gut. If you are alone with her, and the mood is good, and you think that she wants you to kiss her, then there's a pretty good chance that the time is right. If you feel an overwhelming urge to kiss her: do it. There is no definitive "best" time to ask a girl for a kiss. You'll need to read the situation, be bold, and make your move. Seize the moment when it comes.
4
Be patient. It might be tempting to leap at the first chance that you get. Read the contextual clues, however, and consider whether there is any reason that it'd be inappropriate to ask her for a kiss right now. Don't force the situation. If you're going to ask a girl for a kiss, let the moment blossom naturally.
- It's better to wait than to kiss her at the wrong time. If she is sad, or angry, or otherwise bothered by something, a first kiss may not be the way to distract her. Kiss her when she's in a good mood and receptive to being kissed.