How to Flirt With a Girl

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: December 16, 2022 References

Flirting is fun, but it should serve a purpose—you want the girl to know you like her! Show your playful, charming side, but avoid openly hitting on her. Flirting shouldn't put any pressure on her or make her feel uncomfortable. Instead, your flirtatious attitude should put her at ease. It can take a little practice, but with confidence, you'll be flirting with a girl the moment you make eye contact.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Let Her Know You’re Interested

1
Use positive body language. Display open, flirty body language so she knows you're attracted. Start by gazing right into her eyes and don't glance away or appear distracted. Keep your arms by your sides and don't cross them, which can make you look closed off.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} To spark intimacy, lean toward her when you speak—just make sure you give her some personal space.^{[2]
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- Stand up tall and proud so you look more confident. Don't forget to smile!^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} It's a lot easier to flirt if you keep up a positive vibe.
2
Give her a subtle compliment. Sure, you could directly tell her that you like her, but flirting should be a fun, subtle signal that you send. This sparks her interest in you and keeps her curious. To subtly flirt, find unique ways to compliment her. You might say, "You must have spent hours putting your outfit together," rather than, "You look hot."^{[4]
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- Find subtle ways to show you'd like to spend more time with her. If she says she loves to swim, don't say that you'd love to see her in a bikini. Instead, say, "I bet you could swim laps around me! Maybe we should find out some time."
- Let her know she's special, but don't give a tired line like, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" You might flirt with her in her native language or remark on something she's great at—"You make the best cappuccinos of any of the baristas here," etc.
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3
Ask her about herself. You don’t have to give the girl the third degree to show that you actually want to get to know her. Finding a way to ask her questions about her interests or background is a great way to be flirty and sincere. Here are some things you can ask:^{[5]
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- "What do you like to do for fun?" This shows that you want to get to know her.
- "Do you have any siblings?" If she's close to her family, she'll enjoy talking about them.
- "What do you think about (fill in the blank)?" Go for something that will make her laugh or tell you something thoughtful about her like "What do you think you were in a past life?"
4
Tease her to show you're interested in her. Once you’re comfortable enough with the girl, you can start to tease her a bit. You might click instantly and be comfortable teasing her within the first minute of talking, or it could take a bit longer to ease into tease-mode. Once it feels right, don’t be afraid to show your playful side by teasing the girl while you’re flirting.^{[6]
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- Tease her about flirting with you. You might say, "I see what you're doing! Your feminine charms won't work on me," while you wink or have a coy expression on your face.
- Tease her about her appearance but make sure to do this in a complimentary way. You might say something like, "Only you could pull off that crazy outfit."

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Charm Her

1
Impress her with your wit. If you can prove that you’re capable of snappy answers and fun banter, the girl might be attracted to your wicked sense of humor.^{[7]
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Research source} Show her that you're sharp by making punchy or clever remarks at the right moment. Here are some great ways to impress the girl with your wit:
- Prove that you can keep up the banter. If she's firing a sarcastic or clever comment at you, shoot one back.
- Be original. Part of being witty is finding a new way to think about old topics. Don't tell her something anyone could say.
- Understand your audience. Always be kind when you're playing around. You don't want to say something witty that's at the expense of someone else or you'll look rude.
2
Show off your sense of humor. Being funny is a sign of intelligence that women are attracted to. To catch her attention, learn to make fun of yourself or inject a little humor into a conversation. Time your jokes so you don't interrupt the girl or lose the flow of conversation. If she says something funny, don't patronize her and say, "Oh, that's hilarious." Instead, match her humor with your own funny comment.^{[8]
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- Humor should be effortless or it will look like you're trying too hard.
3
Be confident—not arrogant. Confident people are secure in themselves which is incredibly sexy. You'll also trust yourself to flirt with a girl and she'll be able to tell! Your confidence will make it easier to talk with her—chat about positive things like your passions or interests.^{[9]
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- Don't be self-deprecating. Lightly making fun of yourself is different from calling yourself a loser or ragging on your life choices.
- Talk about something you're good at, whether it's sailing or learning new languages. You don't have to brag to show you're a capable and interesting person.
- Don't act like you're so great that she's lucky to be getting a minute of your time. If you are only talking about yourself and your great qualities, that is a big turn-off.^{[10]
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  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Keep things on the same level. You both should feel that you're lucky to be talking to each other.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Know What Not to Do

1
Don’t come on too strong or make sexual comments. If you’re too direct about your intentions, your target will be turned off faster than you can say, “You’re so hot.” Though subtle compliments are key, you should avoid being too aggressive, making overly sexual comments, or just generally laying it on too thick. This will make you cross over from “flirting with her” to “hitting on her.”^{[11]
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- Don't be too aggressive. If you say, "Hey, want to make out?" she may walk away because she feels pressured, especially if she feels like you're pushing her to go to the next level.
- Avoid making overly sexual comments. Don't say, "You have a great rack," or she'll spill her drink in your face. Instead, tell her she looks great in her outfit.
- Don't give the girl all of your attention. You shouldn't spend all night talking to the girl and ignoring everyone else or it may get too intense. Coming off too needy or too available can tur her away.^{[12]
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  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
2
Don’t be too subtle. Though subtlety is key, you don’t want to be so subtle that the girl has no idea that you’re interested! To keep up your flirting, find ways to let her know you care, whether big or small. If you try too hard to be subtle, then you’ll look aloof and the girl may not think you’re worth it.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Candice Mostisser
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- Drop at least a few hints that you're interested. If you give the girl nothing to work with, she won't think you like her.
- Make it clear that she's not in the Friend Zone. Give her feedback so she knows you're interested—compliment her looks, let her know she's special, or generally treat your conversation like the preamble to a date. If you don't let her know she's special, she'll think you just like her as a friend.
- Don't be afraid to break the touch barrier if you're on a date. Touching her hand or coming over and sitting closer to her will show her you're interested.
3
Don’t forget to connect. Flirting is a key element of talking to a new girl you like, but you shouldn’t flirt 100% of the time or you won’t be able to get closer to the girl. Remember to stop and ask the girl some questions about herself and discuss a variety of topics.^{[14]
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- You can flirt and move a conversation forward. You can still be playful and fun while asking the girl some genuine questions.
- Make sure to let her know at least a bit about yourself by the end of the conversation. She should walk away knowing at least something about you so she feels like you actually connected.

Expert Q&A
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Question

What are the dos and dont's of body language when flirting?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

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Question

What's a good way to casually ask a girl you're flirting with to hang out?

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach
Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world.

Candice Mostisser

Dating Coach

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Try making theoretical plans together. They don't have to be specific plans like, "Let's go out on Thursday at 8:00 p.m. to this event." Instead, identify a mutual interest you both share, and then casually suggest future plans based around that. For example, if you both love cooking, you could say something like, "It would be so fun to go together to the farmer's market, get some fresh veggies, and cook something together one day." Or, if you're both talking about a love of comedy, you could say, "Maybe we could see a comedy show some time together."
Question

What should I say to flirt with a girl?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

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Show your genuine interest in her. Ask her how she has been, what she has been up to. Try to find some common ground or interest of something you both have been doing, and mention possibly doing something together in the future. Avoid talking too much about yourself, or appearing needy, or being too sexual right away.