Dating an Older Guy? Tips for Dating a Man 15 Years Older

Co-authored by Erika Kaplan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: November 29, 2021 References

If dating guys your own age hasn’t really worked out for you, you might be gravitating toward men a little (or a lot) older. Starting a relationship with someone 15 years your senior might sound like a crazy idea, but actually, it can have a lot of benefits! If you’re considering a romance with an older man, read through these tips before you jump in head first.

1

Bond over your common interests.

Just like any relationship, this will probably be the thing that brings you two together. When you two spend time together, spend it doing things you both like.^{[1]
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Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.} And, if you don’t have many interests in common, go out on dates to try something new together!^{[2]
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- For instance, you could take a cooking class or go on a new hiking trail together.
- Or, you could spend the weekend camping.

2

Treat each other as equals.

An age gap doesn’t have to mean that he’s in charge. Even though he’s older than you, there should be the same level of respect that there is in any other relationship.^{[3]
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Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.} You’re both adults, and you should treat each other like you’re on the same level.^{[4]
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- For example, if you two get serious, you should both have a say in where you live or what part of town you move to.
- When you go out on dates, try to split the bill or pay for all of it sometimes.
- Since he’s had slightly more life experience than you, he can be a good source of advice if you need it (but your decisions are always up to you, in the end).

3

Be upfront about your feelings.

Generally, older guys don’t appreciate it when people play hard-to-get. If you like him, be straight up about it, and don’t beat around the bush, either! If you push him away, there’s a good chance he’ll move on to someone else instead of chasing you. The more upfront you can be about your feelings, the better!^{[5]
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- If you’re used to dating guys your own age, this might actually be a refreshing change for you. Instead of playing a weird game of cat and mouse, you can just tell him how you feel and get the same from him.

4

Keep up with your friends and your hobbies.

Your guy will probably have his own life, and you should, too. Since you two aren’t the same age, you might be more interested in going out with friends, while he might prefer staying at home. Be sure to go out and do the things that you want to do, and don’t hold yourself back for your relationship. If he’s a good partner, he’ll understand, and he’ll enjoy the space away from you until you get back.^{[6]
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- This can sometimes be a bit of a struggle in age gap relationships. Younger partners often have a hard time getting the older partner to go out and “have fun,” especially if it’s something like clubbing or drinking. Be prepared for him to decline your invitations, and try not to take it personally.

5

Talk to your parents before introducing them.

He might be closer to their age than he is to yours. This can be a little bit shocking for parents, especially if you’re on the younger side. Sit them down and tell them all the wonderful things about your partner and why you like him so much. Then, let your parents know that he’s a little older than they might expect, but they should really try to give him a chance.^{[7]
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- You might say something like, “I’ve been seeing Greg for a while now, and I really want you two to meet him. He’s a great guy, and we have an awesome relationship, but I just want you to know that he’s a little older than I am.”
- Sometimes, the age actually gives the older man a benefit: he might have more in common with your parents than you think.

6

Stay united in the face of outside criticism.

Friends and family members might have judgments to pass about your relationship. Remind yourself that your happiness is all that matters—if you know your partner is right for you, that’s what counts. Talk to your partner if you’re facing any criticism, and stand together if friends or family members have questions or concerns for you.^{[8]
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- People are usually coming from a place of love, but it can still be tough to hear that they’re concerned about your relationship. It might help to introduce your partner to your friends and family so they can see that he’s just a normal guy (even though he’s older).
- Strangers could also pass judgement with snide comments or stares. Remind each other that the opinions of others don’t matter, especially if they’re just trying to be negative.

7

Talk about your expectations for the relationship.

Do you want to get married anytime soon, or are you just wanting to take it slow? Older men generally know where they are in life and what they want, so it’s best to talk about these things early in the relationship. If he wants to settle down but you don’t, you may be better off going your separate ways. Or, if he just wants a casual fling and you’re looking for something serious, it might not be a great match.^{[9]
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8

Form a relationship with his children.

If he has kids, this is going to be important. He might not want you to meet them right away, which is fine—but when you do finally meet his kids, make an effort to get involved in their lives. You don’t have to be a parent to them (especially before you’re married), so just try being friendly and fun. And, if anything goes wrong, ask him for help!^{[10]
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- His kids might not like you right away, which is totally fine. In general, younger kids are easier to win over than older kids. What matters most is that you keep trying!

9

Be civil with his ex, if he has one.

Older men tend to be in contact with their exes more than younger men. For instance, if he had children with his ex, they probably have to see each other fairly often, even if it’s just for pickups and dropoffs. You don’t have to be his ex’s BFF, but you should try to be friendly and civil, as long as the ex does the same.^{[11]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- You probably won’t meet his ex until you’ve been together for a little while, which is okay. If you’re feeling nervous or anxious, talk to your partner about it beforehand for some comfort and advice.

10

Examine your life goals together.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? How about 20? If your goals generally align with his, then you’re probably on the path to success.^{[12]
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Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.} Since he’s slightly older, he might have a different idea of what his life is going to look like, so you should definitely check in with him about it ASAP.^{[13]
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- For instance, do you want to have kids? If he already has kids, does he want more?
- Does he ever see himself getting married (maybe for the second time), or is he content with a long-term partner? What about you?

11

Get to know him on a deeper level.

As you two grow closer together, your relationship will get stronger. The best relationships have a healthy foundation built on trust and mutual respect.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.} As you get more serious with the guy you’re dating, open up to him, and ask him questions about himself, too. Experts note that as you two become closer, age becomes just a number, and the gap between you two won’t matter as much.^{[15]
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- Ask him questions about his past, his childhood, and his family.
- Check in with him about his emotions, and make sure he feels safe enough to open up to you.

12

Communicate with him about any problems.

Age gap relationships can be tough, and that’s okay. If you find yourself struggling with any aspect of your relationship, sit your partner down and talk about it. Just like in relationships with people your own age, you’ll want to keep the line of communication open to foster a loving, healthy relationship.^{[16]
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